The Pains That Come With Being a Twin.


Many of us who have brothers or sisters will know just how frustrating it can be to get along at times.    Well just imagine how much worse it would be to try and get along with a fraternal twin, and trust me I know, I’m talking from my own experience of being a twin. 


I have countless people come up to me with a dreamy look in their eyes saying “I wish I was a twin – I would love to have someone my own age to play with.”  


I have no doubt you’re imagining those famous movie twins from ‘The Parent Trap’, or ‘Finding Mary Kate and Ashley’  Their dazzling identical smiles and exotic twin powers are enough to charm the pants off anyone!


When I say ‘twins’ you probably think of identical twins with matching clothes.       

You know, the type who finish off each others sentences and know exactly what the other is thinking. Yes, there are some twins who really do act like that - I’m not denying it; I’ve met twins like that myself and have found them dizzying to look at let alone talk to.


However it is a common prejudice that people think all twins will be identical, cute, and mirror personalities of each other.  In most cases this image is very wrong!


I for one do not have this mirror image kind of relationship with my sister and at the worst of times it can be a much, much uglier picture.


Have you ever really stopped to think of what it is like to be a twin?


    Imagine You and your ‘twin’ are screaming loud enough to raise the entire neighbourhood at five in the morning because you can’t decide who is to wear the rainbow undies.   

   Imagine having your hair yanked out because you were naughty and used her favourite red marker.

   Imagine being made to take the blame for something you didn’t do just because your twin sister lied and said you did it. It will always be her word against yours.

   Imagine how your friends will forever be comparing you to your sister.       

   Imagine always being defined as “The Twins”

    Imagine always having to compete against your ‘other’.   Having a twin is like having a shadow that will never leave you alone,


 That is what having a twin is like for me.  My sister and I are two incredibly different individuals.  We look completely different, we talk differently, we act differently and have separate beliefs and values.  We have different interests - most of them at extreme opposite ends of the scale. I was always more of an intellectual who excelled academically whereas my sister enjoys physical activity.     No matter how different we were, we still had to share our room, our toys, our clothes, our school, our class, our friends, and its no wonder that we spelled double trouble!  If we had just been two classmates we wouldn’t have thought twice about befriending each other we’re just too different.


Unlike classmates though, we don’t have the choice of ‘not’ knowing each other.  We are forced to endure each others company everyday.  


We drive each other around the twist and what usually starts off as a little tiff can turn into a violent fight.


Relief, relief by high school we were to much for our parents and were split into different schools.     I revel in those hours when I can pretend I don’t have a twin.  But at the end of the day she is always there barging through my bedroom door and accusing me of ‘stealing’ something that belonged to her when actually it was given to both of us.  


We spent our entire childhood sharing things and there were times when we wanted to have our own things that we could rightfully say was 'mine' instead of 'ours'.  Somehow it never quite worked out that way.


To this very day my sister always seems to think she has a right to help herself to my underwear whenever she can’t find her own.  She always thinks she can just nip into my room and take my headphones. Its very irritating to find my sister has taken something just when I want it most!   I guess  we have grown so used to having to share things she doesn't quite know where to draw the line   I tell her once in a nice tone not to do it. I try to be nice and understanding when really all I want to do is rip her head off.  I tell her twice in a stern tone, I try to be angry and threatening, I tell her a million times “Don’t take my things, they are not yours”  yet she still doesn’t get the message!


 Its drives both of us insane when we unknowingly cross each other’s line.   It has driven me to put a lock on my bedroom door.  (she has taken to climbing through my window now)


  Who said twins had to like each other?  How on earth did people come up with the idea that twins would be the best of friends and live happily ever after?  


With your friends you can atleast send them home when you get tired of them.  I can’t just ‘send’ my sister away when I get tired of her. I have to live with it. We will always be tied together by our birthdays and genes.


 Please, tell me you don’t want a twin after all I’ve said?   If you do, you are probably a deluded nutcase!

Having a twin can drive you insane to the point where your bed time reading becomes the home security catalogues!


deleted deleted 26-30 155 Responses Oct 2, 2008

Your Response


I have a twin sister and we do fight a lot (especially because we share a room, and have two classes together) but we do love each other and I would never want to be separated from her for more than a few days. We are best friends, even though we fight over stupid things, but I honestly don't know what I'd do without her.

i have a twin brother we look nothing alike. i always wished we got along but never did, he always tried to take my friends and steal my home girls and date them to beat and control them i lost a lot of friends because of it. he used to beat up every one in the house even our mom so she had no saying in anything. i got drunk once and he stole my phone and i went out raged because i knew he took it come to find out i tell my mom to tell him to give it back n he calls the cops on me and i was arrested for no reason because he told the cops i was drunk and trying to strike at my mother..which was never true i can be blacked out drunk n i will never hit my own mother... like he did. today i just gave birth to a baby boy so i went to stay at my moms so she can help me with the baby and he told my mother to throw me out n afraid she did....i ******* hate him i wish he never ****** up my life or my familys life....if u ever decided to have twins my best bet is to build discipline and structure tell them from young they have to protect each other love each other be there for each other cuz my mom never did like i wish she would...

I had same thing growing up with my identical twin. I'd lay there in bed, she always had tohave thee last word, the last sniff, the last cough. I could barely breath and she wanted to torment me. So she got a little tiny 2 X 2 purse, with a long strap she'd wear around over her head, and this little tiny purse had a big snap on it. When she got tired, she'd just snap it. That snap would ring in my ears, it had a high pitch sound and it drove me nuts. We're 51 and still don't get along and she's in CA and I moved to NC and still fight texting, finally, I figured she is negative energy always has been, and we're not speaking... Oh the stories I could tell you. We lived just like you two did.

I have a fraternal twin. We are both freshman and highschool. This article could not have been more true, while I excel in academics AND sports she is more of the social butterfly. she always decides to steal my stuff. we have even gotten to the point where we say we are having seperate birthday parties because we don't like the others friends. Everyone at school says they want a twin but they don't know what it's like.

I am a twin and I have not talked to her in seven years.She was always evil and did not want me to have friends.She did a lot of bad things to me.I had enough I could not take it any more.So I hope you do not want a twin. Fed up with it

I don't know if ull still be online but i wanted to say this inspired me to do my English assignment on twins, what it's really like to be one and the differences between us and ways people treat us. I emphasised more than anything how we are not the same.

Thank You for inspiring me! if I hadn't read this I would never thought of the idea and wouldn't be confident enough because its so personal to me

Wow! I am a twin as well and your story is like a mirror. She always steals my headphones! She physical Im academic...she does ballet.....i do martial arts..all my friends compare me to her....most end up not being my friend and stay hers....half my friends are only friends with me because of her

I completely agree with everything you just said. I have an identical twin and we suffer with so many of the same issues. Not that long ago we made an agreement that I wouldn't take an art class with her if she didn't do track with me. Just a moment ago she told my parents she was planning on doing track. Of course I freaked out and was like what about the agreement? But she denied the entire thing. My parents took her side on it, like always, and now I have to endure track season with her. SO frustrating. But thank you, your story made me realize I'm not alone in it! and no, being a twin is not always a good thing like you said.....

my twin never gets in trouble and i do. they do everything in this article except we have 2 share a small room and she doesn't crawl though the window

I'm a twin and were supposed to be identical like it says on our birth record, but we look nothing alike. Ive got brown eyes shes got green shes paler than me too and her eyes are much larger. She is 1 minute older than me, we have 2 share a room and will have 2 till one of us moves out. She is the clever one where as I am good at nothing but use to be the one with more of a jokey personality but now shes decided to mimic that a bit. We get referred to as the twins or twinnies even by our closest friends. My teachers compare me and her one teacher even had a go at me at parents evening saying I am a twin we are the same I should be better and am stupid... This really hurt me being sensitive I was almost reduced to tears. All the other teaches do the same but more discretely. One proud moment of mine was beating her in our whole school talent contest were I sang, but now when I mention it she pretends it never happens. We argue everyday she always hurts my feelings I never say anything back that will insult her i don't want anyone even her to feel as miserable as I do. I got bullied for two years and never cried once until he insulted me grandad who was ill at the time and always said "hello your the dumb one right?", now I don't share anything about myself that if in the wrong hands could be used against me. Now some people think I'm strange and say that we are the twins that dont talk even though i use to talk a lot before that. We have the same friends so I can never get away from her, even when we first started school she followed me and tried to take my friends, but sadly all my best friends moved country and I was to young to keep in contact with them. We're in a lot of the same classes. I have to share so much with her, no one truly understands that we're not the same person. My mum understands the most but even she sometimes treats us like we're the same but not intentionally. My sister hasn't seen my dad for years and hates him for reasons no one knows why I doubt even she knows. He has said some mean things but I understand that u have to be forgiving If I wasn't I'd never see my dad again until the day he died like I think will happen to my sister. Sometimes my dad rings up and says 'how's the other half' this upsets me a lot saying I'm half a person without her. I've asked him why he says that and he says 'because your the same only your more stupid'. I got a c in my maths gcse 100% in a foundation paper my sister however got an a* in the higher paper that I wasn't aloud to take because I'm not "academically capable". I told my dad and my nana and grandad what I got however they showed no emotions and said is that supposed to be good?" then said "what did your twinnie get?" I told them she got an a* and they had a go at me for not doing better than her like its a competition. Then I got an a in part of my English the same as my sister but didn't want to tell my dad he asked however and I said a then he asked what my sister got I said the same he was incredibly happy this hurt me more than when they were annoyed with me and gave me complements so did my nana and grandad they thought "I was to dumb to get an a in anything", my sister always complain about having a twin saying how much she hates me and how hard it is being a twin yet how can she not realise its much harder being her twin than it is her being my twin. I always told myself academics isn't everything it's the person u are that matter, but now even I am starting to believe maybe this isn't true. We've never got along accept when we were very young that was when she use to follow me around even then we had fights and arguments. Today however she decided to hit me on the back because of a petty reason I went into the bathroom first, later on she said I can't sing, which stung me as that's the only thing I'm mildly good at she said I'm thick and so low academic that its unbelievable, even though I struggle and its not been confirmed or anything but we think I'm mildly maths dyslexic. She shouted retorts at me but my only comments were I know I am what can I say back when I know what she says is true and believe it or not I still didn't want to hurt her feelings.Every time I'm better at something she denies it which is hurtful. I do everything for her treat her kindly and with respect yet she can't see that she can't possibly understand the cruel life I have. Yes I may be a bad sister but for most reasons I can't see why. Why is it worse having a sister that's so much dumber, less pretty, less perfect, when she is pretty perfect herself except maybe parts of her personality.

I don't like how we're treated or how I am treated we are NOT the same person as I have just proved and if there are twins out there that u know please don't call them twinnies or the twins or define them as one person in any way. If anything all you'll make them turn bitter, hate you and each other for the rest of their days as well as resenting each other for ever being born.

I'm 14 I send this to you all in confidentiality and in hoping that you don't make the mistake of treating twins how we have been treated ourselves. Unless they like being defined as the twins you will never ever be considered as a friend to them until u can treat them like their different people. How would u like for u and someone u hate for example to be considered as the same person?

I am a twin also. It always bothers me. DO you know how to help with that. She always makes excuses to be mean or tease the boy I like also.

My fraternal twin and I are wildly different people as I am an intellectual and she's more... wacky. But I can't imagine life without her; I love her so much. Whenever we fight, after a certain point we just realize that we're letting something pretty pointless get in-beteeen our relationship, so we stop.

You guys should have a heart-to-heart or something and reconcile with each other. It's not good for either of you to be enemies for the rest of your lives.

Yes, but how can you do that if the other dosent want to

I have a twin sister and its so frustrating because she is prettier skinnier and more popular. We are always compared. Her friends hate me and my friends.. You know actually I have no friends. We share like two but they like her way more then me. She acts like she doesn't know me because she is embarrassed. I let her west some of my clothes but everyone ends up thinking I should just give it to her because she wore it better.

Exactly! This is what it's like for me too....

having twin can be a fabulous story , on the other hand it can be a real unfortunately life

i am Thai . i AM 19 yrs old. i am triplet. i hv one brother and one sis.i only hate my bro. i hate and feel disgusting when i must speak out his nickname or name . i dun want to look at his face , i never talk to him for three yrs. i feel so frustrated and anxious. he propel me to be social phobia and avoidant personality disorder and now i get depression .sometimes i feel regretful and so mad that i want to suicide. sometimes i hv headache when i am near him. my family expect me to reconcile with him cos before age of 15 we r true friend. but now we r true foe. i expect too that one day in the future we can reconcile but the feeling and wound in my heart cannot recover . this conflict occur by i am introvert .one day he bring his 10 friends to my home then i hate of being socialize and i love privacy so from that day i stop talking to him then he dun stop disturbing me he always gossip me with my aunt or his friend. he blame me that i am introvert i am loner i am depressive i am anti social i am ladyboy and so on. and he always follow my step too like the way of thinking . cos i want to be unique dun want whoever to follow my step. Nowadays my life ruins . he destroy my whole life . my real happiness was gone. i hate him . i want him to die soon. he is so disgusting. he is so cruel. he is **** **** **** **** ****. jinx i feel terrible and insecure so much . it likes i hv shadow that follow my life every single hour . i cant stop my anger . it destroy my positive thinking. i wanna kill him. TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Look on the positive at least u have a sister that u like. I think the three of you should go somewhere and talk I'm sure now your older he'll be at least a bit more mature... But then again I can't imagine speaking to my sister much when I'm older :/

I am a twin & i am the older one. Personally, i think being a twin is, i wouldnt say special, but just lucky. Lucky that you had a soul mate, a best friend that wouldnt leave you no matter how much you fought. But i think what sucks being a twin is constantly being compared & judged. People around you would always love to know who's the 'smarter' one or the 'prettier' one or the 'nicer' one.

I wouldn't say we're lucky I'd say that it depends on what ur twin is like and their characteristics I'd like my sister if she changed a lot about herself so I guess it depends

You Find Out That Your Boy/Girl Friend (Partner) Is A Twin(identical)
And They Have Both Been Sleeping With You At Different Times ...Making It Look Like The Same Person.. What Do U Do if you get to know?..

Dump them or find out which is the partner u wanted to be with and were in love with, they shouldn't of tricked u i don't actually see why ur partner would want her sister 2 sleep with u but I'm sure ull sort it out. And remember their not the same people surely they must be different in some ways so I'm sure ud want to be with the one u love not the other

I am 14 and have an identical twin sister it is so irritating because my parents prefer her to me and we always argue but my mum and dad always take her side. I hate my twin sister and she would be a much better friend than a sister and sometimes i wish that we were no related. Also we always argue over if this thing is mine or hers even though it WAS given to both of us :(.

I feel the same I'm also 14 and have an identical twin sister and I'd say I'm similar to u my mum has always seemed to prefer my sister because she use to dance and my sister wants to be a dancer sometimes I'm ignored for hours although I'm not sure it's intentionally but it's because she to buddy with my sister. Now for instance I've been sitting upstairs for hours and she hasn't even noticed I'm gone. I wouldn't be friends with my sister if I didn't know her she can put on an act at school that shes really nice but if u get to know her you'd find she's really not. I wish everyday that I didn't have a sister just because of how much we fight and are compared. We always argue about things that our both ours to. We even share the same room and will until one of us moves out and that won't happen anytime soon :( wbu do u have to share a room??

Thank you! I'm tired of all those people who either don't actually have a twin or got really lucky and have a sweet twin of the same gender saying twins are awesome! Im a 13 year old girl and have a twin brother. I'm required to love him, but I don't actually like him at all. Hes constantly bossing me around and hurting me! Its so bad, I only have friends with normal siblings and none of them fight nearly as bad. Another even worse downside is he's always there. I'm really worried about high school next year. He'll see everything! Y'all are lucky y'all have the option of telling your family about every little thing in your relationships. Every time my brother sees one little thing he'll tell all of my family and completely embarrass me. Imagine going to prom with a twin. Prom is supposed to be a special moment just for you and your boyfriend that you have the option of sharing with your family about. Sharing prom with a twin will SUCK. Also, with a twin, you don't get spoiled nearly as much. Especially when you get older and your stuff gets more expensive. In most cases, one twin is a whiney brat and gets spoiled more than the other(in my case it's my brother, he gets everything and I rarely get anything). I know I'd be much happier if my twin was never born.

that is exactly how things are in my home. im a 15 year old girl and have a twin brother.He gets almost anything he wants. Everyone in my house has their own iPhone or iTouch including him, the only one who doesn't have one is me, and it makes me feel so left out. my parents always compare us, and we always have to share, since my parents never want to buy two of the same thing. My twin always says that i have easier teachers just so that it seems that he works harder than me. if i could have any wish in that world, i would wish i wasnt a twin. Sometimes when i get jelous of those who dont have a twin, it makes me want to break down and cry, especially since i know that no matter what i do, i won't be able to change that fact that i have a twin brother...

i have a twin sister but we are not identical.
we are also born on christmas day.
i like being a twin i am lucky!!!

We're also born on Christmas! :) I'm an identical twin (not many can tell me from her, even parents get us confused if they aren't looking at us (we sound the same)) We get on well and are both smart and have lots of friends together and separately. We almost never fight, we share clothes and live together. I don't understand how some twins don't get along, I've never met another pair of twins who aren't good friends.

i am 50 and identical twin with my sister we r always called the twins by family and i still hate that we do not get along at all b/c we r always fighting over who had things worse and who is right we can instantly bring each other down and i feel that it is always my responsibility to make things all rainbows and butterflies b/c my life at this point is easier than hers we both had terrible lives until age 30 i really hate my parents!!!

you are insane! i am a fraternal twin and my brother and i have the most amazing realtionship and i am only 13 keep that in mind. people call us freaks and weirdos because we dont mind sleeping in the same bed. and i actually feel like i sleep better when we sleep in the same bed! we have an amazing relationship, we think alike and laugh all the time! we may get in to a fight then like 5 minutes later BOOM were best friends again. our fights will end in us laughing! a few months ago i went away for 2 and a half weeks and then when i came back and saw him i started to cry my eyes out! i didnt relieze how much i had missed my other half and how much he means to me till that day! we always have a fun time together and since i am shy i depend on him a lot when we go places , we just laugh about everything and the shyness goes away. i may wish sometimes that since hes more popular than me that we might go to diffrent highschools but then again i highschool cute boys will always be at my house! and he just my big brother and who wants there big brother not to look out for them in highschool? i dont and i depend on him too much! my twin brother is like my other half and i dont think i could live without him, i have the best older twin brother in the whole wide world so i have no idea whats up with your sister and you! you guys should embrace the fact that you are twins!

I have a twin and its always hard being compared to her all the time. she is seemingly perfect to everyone and l live in her shadow. No one ever mixes up her name but I am always called her name. Its awful. Luckily I will be in college in a year and a half and we are probably (and hopefully) going to different colleges. Maybe then we won't be constantly compared or called the twins.

I have twin sister too. And I totally understnd how u feel. But even though we r different from each other and have some misunderstanding sometimes, at the end of the day she is still the one person I talked and laughed with before I go to sleep. I am proud of having a twin sister.

for some reason, i never connected with my twin like that ever before. we are complete opposites, but somehow we are still always compared and called "the twins". when one of my teachers found out that i was a twin, she totally abondoned my name and started calling us twin1 and twin2. i was so angery at her for being so unsypathetic, but i didnt want my class to know how i felt about it, so i just pretended to get over it, although i still remember that incident to this day...

I completely agree with you. I'm a fraternal twin myself (girls), and honestly, I couldn't get more irritated with her sometimes. She's my bet friend, and we have always shared our secrets and done stuff together, but lately (since we started going to different schools in high school) I've felt like I need more space apart from her, I just want to start living my own life. She, on the other hand, doesn't want to let me go. We have talked about this, acknowledged each other's feelings, but when I say to her I want some time for myself, she asks "why" . It gets me so frustrated most of the time, as I've tried many times, and she simply refuses to see how important it is to have your own person.
And I completely agree to you about fighting - we have always done that ever since early age. We get along well, but whenever even the slightest disagreement sparks between us, like who has to go to the shop or who has to turn off the light in the room at night, all hell breaks loose, and at times like those, I always wish I was the only kid in the family. It would save me from much, much pain and trouble I have to endure every other day.

Im also a fraternal twin and yes sometimes he can **** me off and yes we are two completely different individuals but to wake up in a world without him is a world id rather leave uninhabited.

hi, i am a identical twin and i know what you mean.i am Im 49 & i still am unhappy,anggry &even sad with the relationship i have with my twin.We we brought up as one person, always related to as the twinnies. I was screwed up when a simple operation to cut out a cyst resulted in the ******* dr cut the facial nerve which left me with paralsysis to one side of my face.Everyday i had to endure the bullies at school calling me all sorts of painful, ugly names.So my older twin by 20 min then began the role of my protector. So thus the controller and dont get me wrong we had a beautiful relatioship whilst young, we were never apart but as we both came into adult hood and motherhood we started to want our own identity. It has and still is a major struggle.I have had alot of therapy & can see why we do the things we have done & still do to each other but when she cant see and saids its me thatits me that has to change it enrages me. After every fight im the one that keeps giving & giving, tolerant of her unawareness but its making me so unhappy.I moved to another state and started to thrive but 18 mnts later she broke up with her boyfriend and landed here and now i feel we are back where we were. I am the shadow she is the decision maker,my opinon is always wrong.Yelling at me I could write a book as there is so much more but i think you get the drift. Stay true to yourself keep the line in the sand as far as boundries are concerned with her and you towards her.We are in a major rift right now & over nothing really but people dont always get it as they are not twins & that even little things are huge to us because we are fighting for the right to be our own person in our own right. Its frustrating as i could punch her lights out some days. good luck. from maree in beautiful queensland australia

i understand and fell sympathetic for you. dont ever let your twin affect your life or how you feel about yourself. i know its hard, but that is what life gave us and i guess we just have to deal with it although it causes a lot of pain, misery, and sorrow to know that i will never completely be my own person...

I am a twin and let me tell you.. imagine your twin *dead* tomorrow (scary right) what would you do? Skip down the sidewalk singing?

Being a Twin is not that bad. Yes we have our ups and downs, but I Would not trade my twin for the world!

im a fraternat twin and let me tell you from the article that im reading i can say this is pretty accurate. and tot TheOtherHalfOf2 i can tell you right now i know how you fell when your twin says i want to kill you exept i have to admit i wasthe one saying it, but hay! thats what twins are for, someone to always be there for you to shout at and completely kill when they steel your stuff and tell your parents that "it was her fault". but as you said you always forgive and forget because let me tell you... ypu cant be any closer to a person than being their twins