Feeling Left Out...=cSo here I am at work doing the terrible graveyard shift, passing time on EP and FB when my sexy hunnie sent me not so special pics of him that a friend posted of him on FB from going to a restaurant last week. I'm looking at these pics and I realized how much I really missed spending time with him, I mean reeeal one on one time no dropped calls or fuzzy skype images. I'm overwhelmed and feel like crying. You know once you get past the two months of separation the emotional cliffhangers tend to mellow out but then you get to points like theses where its just sooo...so effin hard. All I want is an effin hug and kiss, I want to feel physically loved again. Not sex just to be cuddled and made to feel safe. I'll admit this is the longest we've been apart (3 months). Somehow I've managed to travel out to him or he came to see me every month and half on average. But I haven't seen him since August and its killing me. I feel myself becoming colder towards people, aggitated at times, sometimes soo hopelessly unhappy. Ok so now I'm really holding back tears and my nose is running, I want to be in those pictures, I want to kiss his face and hands, I want to stop feeling so incomplete. Yes I know that I am going to see him in 33 days, and I think that's the only thing that brings back to a calm state of mind, but not without me feeling the black hole growing in my warm soul. I know what doesn't kill me makes me stronger but what if this experience changes me into a callous, uncaring and moody person? I really hate feeling this way, I hate feeling like I am living my life but its not the life I want to live, its a life I'm forced to live because I decided to be a responsible, loyal and dedicated to every aspect of my life including loving my airman.
luvinmyairman 22-25, F 0 Nov 24, 2010