What Not To Say To A Military Wife Or Girlfriend

Found this on another site and thought it was a perfect fit, so just had to share with ya'll....

What NOT to say to a military Wife/Girlfriend! :

1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"

(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The though always lingers at the backs of our minds --- but thanks brilliant. You just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)

2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."

(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, it's just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives/girlfriends have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challinging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)

3. "At least he's not in Iraq."

(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.)

4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc.?"

(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)

5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he is gone?"

(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife/girlfriend out there who gets bored when her husband/boyfriend leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always keeps me busy.)

6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"

(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands/boyfriends are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days untl they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)

7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."

(Sure, we do learn coping skills and it's true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. Te worry never goes away.)

8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."

(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/eyc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp and white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a crappy Ford Taurus with a Mercedes-Benz convertible.)

9. "Wow you must miss him?"

(This one also get s another big "duh." Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)

10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"

(I dn't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi army in Iraw and that Sadr city is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day --- and on maps everywhere.)

11. "Well he signed up for it, so t's his fault whatever happens over there."

(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and be asked to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that, "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)

12. "Don't you miss sex? I couldn't do it!"

(hmmm, no I don't miss sex. I'm a robot. Seriously... military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. Welearn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. and the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)

13. "Well in my opinion...."

(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when i'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our butts off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, especially while we're trying to heat up our Lean Cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)

Last but not least....

14. "OH, that's horrible... i'm so sorry!"

(He's doing his job and he's a rockstar. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)

If you want to say anuthing, say thank you. After all, we are sexually deprived for your freedom.
babysquid babysquid
18-21, F
13 Responses Feb 21, 2011

My brother is in the Army and something people use to say to his girlfriend all the time was, "aren't you afraid he's going to meet someone else and cheat on you?" Who the he-- asks that question? It's a shame that military men have a bad rep for infidelity, but a big chunk of them are committed and faithful.

When my boyfriend left for basic people actually asked, "Did you cry?" Really?

I loved all of this. I was reading though it thinking to myself how true it all is. I was almost laughing because you put into words the things that people say and our reactions to them!

Thank you so much for posting this, I needed the laugh. I know these things are not suppose to be laughed at, but I have been an Airman's girlfriend for 3 (civilian) years now so I get it.

Haha good chuckle =)

This is wonderful!!!! Agree 100%. Way too many feelings and thoughts to type down about what I read, the only word I can think of is four letters and starts with "F". XD<br />
Needless to say, this helped my bad day =]

agreed. i get told this alot at work so i know. it does get frustrating after it over and over again.

@ commongroundseeker: I'm sorry you feel this way about this post, you have to understand though with reading stories from this group there are many strong emotions felt almost everyday. Most of our men are away from us, and have been for a long time. Being strong for them wears down on a person and when you are continually asked questions such as these it can be very frustrating, if not depressing. This group is very supportive of each other because sometimes it is hard to get the support we need from our friends and family. We are all completely and utterly grateful to our airmen and the other men and women who serve our country and we stand behind them 100%. This post does not state that all people are like this, but all of us girls have heard something like this before, the things that you might consider rude are simply the thoughts that run through our heads, but part of being strong is holding our heads high, smiling and letting these frustrating questions roll off our backs because we know our airmen are so worth the time away from them and the strength it takes

Well said

I didn't like the attitude of this it precieves every reader to be stupid. It was rude and I really didn't like it. Because I am greatful and it reads like we're not! Whoever wrote the original is a *****!

I must say this is a perfect list of things said. My best friend just got married to a man that is in the army. And my mom went through this with my dad. And i understand the mens feelings when they decide to fight for this country. I am appreciative for all they do for me. I too would sign up but i am just a little too gay to do such a thing. Thank you to both you and your husband. And to all the men and women fighting for us and there families.

I LOVE THIS!<br />
obviously my boyfriend isn't deployed, but i hear things like this all the time. my "best friend" says, "well get used to it. this is what you're going to be dealing with the rest of your life.. but remember YOU picked it"<br />
They only want to see the bad side of it. they don't realize that making it through something this CHALLENGING really does wonders for your relationship. they don't know love. they just know being able to cuddle with their boyfriend whenever they want. they don't know what it's like to have to be strong for someone you love so much.. and they don't know that rewarding feeling when they see their man after MONTHS of limited communication. so keep hanging on girl! you're doing great! at least you have us girls here who can relate and who know better! best of luck to you! and i'm praying for the safety of your airman <3

LOVE and hate this xD This is so trueee!! UGH. I hate civies that think this way! Especially those who think they know everything or are your best friend. I mean you can be comforting and not be annoying or rude or ungrateful at the same time! Thank you! And thank you to all of our Airmen and marines and army men and navy men and all of the soldiers fighting for our freedom and safety! Thank you so much!