New To Being A Usaf Girlfriend, I Need Advice!

Hello everyone :) I am new to this site. This is my first story. So, I'll give you some background. This guy was my co-worker/friend for over a year, and we started dating two weeks before he left for BMT. He just graduated this past weekend and will be starting tech school (Air Force) soon. Even though we were friends first, we just started getting involved romantically, so I do like him but I'm not in love with him (yet. maybe I could be!) But the way everyone talks around here about their significant other in the military, makes it sound like the only way to get through this, is if you love them. I don't know if I have what it takes to be one of those girlfriends, because I can't say I love him yet. Our relationship is still young.

However, I can't walk forward in a relationship with him because I'm frozen in fear of how incredibly hard it would be, but I also can't walk backwards, because I feel like there is potential for something very special. I just wish that he was here with me... that we had more time to build our relationship before he left. I don't know what to do. I feel like once I step into this, there's no backing out. As if I'm already agreeing to marry him, but I don't love him yet, so I can't completely say yes. But I want to try and make this work with him. I'm just scared. I don't want to cry myself to sleep at night. I don't want to worry about him all day. Only getting to see him once every few months? Not hearing from him while he's on deployment for a whole month? It makes me wonder if it's worth it. But I do really, really like him, more than I've liked anybody else, and I can't just walk away.

Does this make sense? I guess I'm just pouring out my fears to strangers, I really have no one else to turn to... Please help me, ladies. After being in a relationship with an Air Force man, what is your take on my situation? Are all my fears reasonable, or am I making things more dramatic than they actually are?
Sabelle22 Sabelle22
18-21, F
4 Responses Sep 17, 2012

Maybe this time away will allow you to get to know each other better. Write letters, ask questions, get
To know each other via letters and email and the little
Phone calls. You can get through this!

That's exactly what we're doing :) Thank you! I think I can too haha

You make complete sense. Your fears are rational, and I still have some of those fears in the very back of my mind. However, if you devote yourself to this, it's not quite as hard as it seems. Sure, not talking to him or seeing him is difficult, but if you feel like there is potential there, you should definitely try. It does get a bit better I think after Tech because he'll be able to take certain weekends off to come and visit you. I can't say too much about life after that because my man is graduating BMT next month. I wasn't sure about our relationship early on. We started dating and I knew very well that he was leaving for the Air Force. However, it was about a month and a half before I realized that I was ready to devote myself to him. It made him so happy to hear my decision and I knew immediately that staying with him was the right thing to do. We're still very young and I'm still in high school, but I find ways to distract myself and I write to him every day so that we're never completely cut off from one another. You'll definitely find a way to make things work out with him if you really feel like something could come of it. Don't give up just yet. Stay strong!

Thank you! :) I'm not giving up yet. I actually told him what I told you guys. He says I'm stronger than I think I am, haha. Like I said, the reason I don't want to devote myself to him yet, has nothing to do with him- I want to make sure I can survive this lifestyle. After living with it for a bit, I'm hoping I can figure out if I can devote myself to him whole-heartedly, despite the sacrifices we'd both have to make. How did you realize you'd devote yourself to him, despite everything? Did it just hit you one day?

It actually took me seeing the US Army Band perform. They did this one piece in which they played all of the songs for each branch of the army and they asked the audience to stand up if they knew someone in that branch as the song was played. I didn't stand up because we were still new in our relationship, but I started crying as soon as I left the performance because it just hit me, and that's when I realized that I wasn't letting him go so easily. I don't regret my decision one bit. Even though he's not right here next to me, he makes me happier than anyone else. It'll come with time, I'm sure. I'm always here to talk to and I'm sure that all the other women are willing to talk any time.

Thank you :) I'm sticking with him. We're just going with it, taking it day by day. He's in Texas for tech school, and I'm in Virginia, but we talk every morning and night. Good luck with you and your man, too. I'm always here to lend a listening ear as well :)

"distance does to love what wind does to fire:
extinguishes the weak and feeds the strong."

my advice is dont get in to something you arent ready for. a lot of guys are afraid of having a girl back home because so many of them promise to be there and then they cant handle it and leave. thats the worst thing you could do to a military guy. if you really feel that there is something there and that this relationship is something you are willing to wait, and suffer, for then you need to be there for him. if you cant see yourself with him in the future, or cant see yourself being a military girlfriend or fiancee or wife, then i would reconsider your decision. it is not easy, but if you're with the right guy, it is beyond worth it.

That's why we're on "hold" because he was too afraid I'd leave. I kinda like this option, it gives he and I both time to figure out who we both are and what we both want as people but in a relationship as well

Thank you! That was a really good quote haha I don't know if I'm ready for it but I want to try; I really want to be able to do it, because I've realized I can't just let him go. I want to give it shot. I just need to stop letting my mind and fears get in the way of everything!

Hey! My guy and I started a relationship a year before he left where we both were in love...and then we fell out of love, but still date because we still have feelings for each other. Not necessarily love, but that "in like" feeling, you know what I mean, you like them a lot, but it's not love. We're on "hold"(he's in BMT right now) where we are both free to date and when he returns, we thought we'd pick us up again to see if the interest is still there or if either is different or maybe we work fine, I just thought I'd give you a little background first.

It's been two weeks and we are not getting through by being in love. I get through writing letters, because for the last year(even after our breakup in May where he felt like basic was to ruin us), he has Facetimed me before bed, texted me in the morning, constant contact...so the writing helps me feel like I'm in constant contact. Knowing that he fully appreciates the letters makes me feel like he appreciates me, so that helps. When/if you get your first phone call(I'm big on calling your mom first, then me if there's time), will also help. Doesn't matter if you're in love, wanting to get married(which we're so far from doing), just showing that you're there for your person is what is needed.

Hope I helped out just a smidge.

Thank you :) He already graduated BMT, and started tech school and calls me every morning before they start classes... I have never been so excited to wake up at 6:30am before hahaha But don't worry, BMT flies by, honestly. At first it seems slow but then you're already into the 6th week! Good luck, and I wish you the best with your guy :)