Waiting

Well, my love comes home December 21st. The last three weeks are here! I think they're both the best and the worst. The best because you can count in days and then it's only a week so soon! The worst because days slow down. As my fiance wisely put it, "The days are slow but the weeks are long." I am left here with only wedding planning and saving money. I am working out and really attacking my fitness goals so that helps. It's just nights like tonight where my mood just goes black. I know that I am strong enough to wait and handle these emotions. I am a master of having a good cry and getting happy again soon now. Thanks, BMT! I am so glad to have a fiance who just knows how I'm feeling without even saying it and makes me laugh by being goofy when I'm sad. He has been so amazing throughout everything and I truly cannot ask for more. I'm just so ready to have him home to share this with me. I'm tired of doing things alone. I'm tired of being "strong." I want to have him to lean on again... especially right before our wedding when we're supposed to have this special time. I love my independence and my strength but I hate what brought it to me sometimes. I can't always be positive but I am 99% of the time. I sometimes feel that he has the better lot in this. He goes to college and hangs out with all of his friends. I stay home more, save our money, plan our wedding constantly, and work forty hour weeks on top of it. I know he is busy with PT, setting up our moving plans, and focusing on top marks in school. He is busy. I just wonder if he has the better life now. I'm tired of working this hard without him. I'm just tired of being without him and just having plans.

Just having a particularly rough night tonight.
DarleneN DarleneN
22-25, F
2 Responses Nov 30, 2012

Don't worry I understand. Sometimes I wonder if my bf has it better off than me, He has people in his squad to talk to, he is the one who gets to dictate when we talk or text and he remains busy all day while I'm here just going to work always waiting. It's so dark sometimes.

He'll be back in your arms before you know it. & the moment you both lay eyes on each other,all problems & things that seem stressful now will vanish.IIf you need to cry,let it out,if you have a gloomy day,know that we've all been there too.It really is hard to "be tough" but what else can you do? At the end of your day,just try to smile & remind yourself that he is still there with you 100% of the way just as you are for him. <3

Thanks, girl. I can't wait for that moment to come and it will be here before we both know it. :) I slept it off and woke up happy again. So all is well in the world again. Sometimes I wonder if we're emotional champs or bipolar. XD

Hahaha I ask myself the same thing all the time ._. Lmao