To Marry Or Not To Marry At 18?

My boyfriend and I are both 18 and he wants me to marry him before he deploys. He hasn't even gone to basic or tech school but takes his ASVAB tomorrow. I told him school is my number one priority and that I would rather be engaged before he deploys and move closer to him and finish school there than go through all of this and trying to get through school. Am I selfish or wrong for wanting to wait till he is done and stay focused on school or what? My parents would definitely not approve of me getting married this young and I would still be living at home while I'm at school and married. Help please!!
mperry25 mperry25
18-21, F
3 Responses Dec 4, 2012

Hey, I think you two just need to slow down. It sounds like you both aren't on the same page... you really need to get your education... and I think he's making pre-mature plans... he should just focus on bmt and tech before he worries about deployments. Depending on his job, he might not deploy for a couple of years. You should focus on school and adjusting to a long-distance relationship, and just see where life takes you. I was lucky enough to marry my husband and go to a great colllge. My husband is always telling me my education comes first, man he pushes me more than my parents! Lol Also my husband and I talked about marriage before I even left for college which was way before he left for the military and we agreed we wanted to be together and we will just see where life takes us. And it ended up us getting married at 20 was the right time and it worked out great! Neither of us had to give anything up and we were able to have our big beautiful wedding...But just because it worked like that for us doesn't mean it's for everyone... You don't want to rush a marriage, it's something you want to enjoy! Go to school, have a college experience, let him leave for the military and just live... you don't have to plan out the rest of your life just yet! Oh jeez I sound like an old lady and I'm only 21! Haha

I just want to add that my husband and I dated for 2.5 years before getting married and a year and a half of that was long-distance / him being at basic, tech and his duty station. That is also another reason you should wait because a lot is about to happen and you need to see how you two adjust to it.

Haha thank to so much! But like I even told him I would move closer to him and do school but not get married if he does 6 years like he plans to, he would be out by 24 then we could get married. That's a young age and I would already be out of college for about two years and can get a job and strt making and saving up money you know?

Oh yeah for sure, I'm just saying as long as you don't give up your schooling! Lol

you are being SMART
you dont want to rush into these kind of want to look back & admire the moments you shared planning out something as big as a bf told me the same thing but i just couldnt drop school,i had my dreams built long before i met Sonny.
he understood & later said it was best to wait;he didnt want to be the reason why i couldnt reach my goals & dreams,you know?dont feel bad saying no or just feeling like you are not ready,your only human.just let him know how you feel <3

Thanks! But same here! It's hard to transfer colleges. It's not easy and he just doesn't see why I couldn't marry him and do school while living with him, but its like in order to transfer where ever you are you have to have certain transfer credits to otherwise you can't you know? I want to just before he gets deployed be engaged and I would move closer to do school but he won't budge.

me too!lol

Maybe he should just worry about getting through basic and tech school first than worry about getting married but at the end of the day it's between you and him

That's what I've told him to just wait till he is done with tech school and basic then we can just be engaged and I can hopefully move closer to him and trying to finish nursing school cause when he wants to marry is when I would be trying to get in to nursing school and my family would not approve. My mom already does not like him completely and getting married this young would have my parents disapprove.

He probably wants you with him at his first duty station and only way he can live with you while he's there is if y'all are married, but you two should def talk it over.

We are but he just won't let me move close by him where ever he gets stationed and do my schooling.