Pushing Through the Day By Day.

  It was a rough week last week, everyone was on break except for me, my spring break was this week. So all my friends are home and I am suck sitting in class after class taking tests and trying to get through everything. As I watched the clocks and counted down the time until I could go out and have some fun I found myelf longing to have my talk time with my guy. I know I can't have that right now and knowing that makes it hard to get through a day. So while I was driving home the other day my mom calls me telling me that we should go out to eat and get a massage and have a real pampering kind of day. Now on a regular basis I know that she wouldn't say that this is a normal thing or anything that she would offer but I know that it's the fact that she wants me to stay active and get out there and have some fun, she also knows that I don't have my travel companion and best friend home so it makes it harder for me to be out and get things done in a day. She's pushing me to do things that I normally don't do which is putting me out of my comfort zone as well, though I don't really want to be out and about or even just out with my mom but I know that I have to be out anyways. for stupid things that she says I need to be doing.

  With each day that goes by I get a little more and more nervous, I still haven't recieved anything from him and it breaks my heart that I haven't recieved that first letter. I'm sure I'm just being a paranoid girlfriend that wants nothing more than to have her man home but I guess it's just me and my crazy mind. I am excited to read that first letter and finding out how he is and finding out when I may get to hear his voice, besides listening to his voice mail. I've been trying my hardest to keep busy, or well as busy as I'd like to be. Like I said my mom is trying but in all realiy all I want is to be with my friends and trying to keep my mind off of him like they always manage to do, or they cause me to laugh and causing me to think of nothing but the fun times instead of thinking about the future that is coming up way to fast for me. My mom really thinks that he and I will be married in two years, though we've talked about getting married and what we'd like to do and where we'd like to be the hardest thing is that, well I'm missing the most important thing, THE RING! My mom keeps taking me to look at rings and always tells me how great the larger ones look and how I should want the big ring, I don't care if I get a diamond that I have to hold under a mag glass to see I just want to know that we are on our way to the happily ever after. The one thing that I said to her that really seemed to floor her and caused a very quiet dinner was "I don't care if he gives me a plastic ring out of a vending machine, it still means that he and I are on our way" she lost it and stopped talking to me making me feel well, like I was not pushing for what she thinks i should. I just want to be with him, is that so wrong.

  So like I said it's been trying either I'm on her good side and she is trying to buy me something to make me feel better or she's trying her hardest to stay out of my way because she knows how much I'm hurting. The only thing that I want from her and though I keep saying it I don't think it sinks in is this, I have a birthday next month and is graduation/ visit week is the 23rd through the 26th and all I want is to go and see him, fly me down and let me be with him. And here she is still trying toplan some great thing for my 21st birthday, I don't care about my birthay any real celebrations can't b done because I'm not with him, why would I want to celebrate if the one person I love more than anything can't be there to take me out and celebrate with me.He and I decided that once we get to really spend some time together is whenhe'll take me out to celebrate and until then I really don't care about my birthdy. I pretend that I am in front of the world for the fact that well, I guss turning 21 is huge when you're single or you're other half is there to celebrate but well, I can't bring myself to care enough to actually want to celebrate since he's in Lackland.

  I guess even though it's really hard to get through all of this but I guess I'm jut aiting until I get that first letter and my spirits are lifted again, then I get to start all over again and wait for letter number 2. Hopefully coming a little quicker than number one. I want nothing more than to be with him, I love him more than anything and he's my heart and without your heart, well, you die. So here I am trying to survive with my heart so far away. Which sucks but at least I know that he's safe and that soon I'll be able to be back in his arms and robably crying like a little baby because I've been missing him so much. He's my baby, my honey, and the love of my life, and nothing can change that one.

donspanda31 donspanda31
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 9, 2009

I couldn't agree with u more ssen444 :)

The letters will start to come babe. It takes quite a while. Don't lose hope...and I'm so proud of u for staying active. It'll help u stay sane (although I know it's EXTREMELY difficult to do without ur man by ur side). You'll get through this. I promise the beginning of BMT was definately the most difficult for me to get through. Time will start to pick back up and things won't seem so back once there's no longer a complete lack of communication :) Personally I think ur outlook on the ring situation is sweet. Ur love should be the most important thing hun : D I know exactly what u mean about the celebrations girl! It's so tough to have fun without ur other half...and the suggestion that u made of waiting to celebrate with ur man by ur side works very well for most of us. It's special :) That was very sweet. I'm sure he feels the exact same way about u. I'm so happy for u guys. You'll get through this. You're a lot stronger than you think. I'll always be here to help :)