Breaking Down

So everything in my life was going amazing until this past week...I had just graduated, I'm getting all ready for college (exciting!) and after what seemed like forever I finally got to see my airman! I went to Florida to visit him on his base on May 29th, then on June 2nd I got a phone call early in the morning from my grandmother saying that my younger, and only, brother had passed away. So here I am back in Kansas facing the reality of something I never in a million years dreamed would happen. He was only 14. I'm just so angry. Angry that his life was taken away from him, angry that I only got to spend 4 out of the 16 days with my airman in Florida and i won't be able to go back. And my sister, my only other sibling, was in flight to South America when everything happened and once she landed she got the news but she couldn't come back and I know she is killing herself over it and I feel so damn bad that I can't do anything to help her and i can't even talk to her until she gets back at the end of June. Then tonight after the wake my mother informed me that we are moving out of our house (something that crossed my mind but i also never thought would happen) into a 1 bedroom apartment...which means she is moving and i am moving out, or well I have to move to my dads until I leave for college. It just hurts me, I've lived with my mom ever since my parents got a divorce 7 years ago, and now I won't even have a single thing in her new home, not even a little something to come back to during college. Everything took a complete nose dive, why did this have to happen? Why did my family deserve this tradgedy, its not fair and I hate it, I absolutely hate it. I feel like I went to a huge high to the lowest low I could ever feel. I am falling apart, i don't know if I can deal with all of this and I don't want to anyway. After I got the news when i was in Florida I still had 2 1/2 days until I was flying home for the funeral and those days sucked. It just felt so wrong that we were having fun and trying to get everything done and go see what we were going to see and do what we were going to do, i felt guilty. I am a basket-case of emotions right now. I don't want a free second to think because when I do i automatically start crying, I can't help it. I really don't know why i shared this but I just had to get it out even if no one reads it. Thanks for listening.

kkazoo2213 kkazoo2213
18-21, F
5 Responses Jun 4, 2009

i am so sorry, i know what its like to lose someone. please give my sympathy to your family. everything will get better, but it takes time. we're all here for you

i am so sorry, i know what its like to lose someone. please give my sympathy to your family. everything will get better, but it takes time. we're all here for you

Im sorry about your loss... i know it probably wont help but i blieve everything happens for a reason. the good/bad in life. im sort of secretly religious... and i believe god gives us what seem like impossible tests to pass until you pass them and sre stronger because of it.i also believe he doesnt take anyone before their time. i will pray for your brother, family and you. seems impossible to handle now but you wouldnt be faced with such a difficult challenge if you couldnt defeat it. its a sobering experience especially because so much good had happened before all the bad. this is your mountain so conquer it! good luck and if you need to tak im here

I am very sorry to hear about all of this I am sure it is a really hard time right now, just stay strong and I will pray for you and your family.

We are all ALWAYS here to listen. I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers tonight.