So everything in my life was going amazing until this past week...I had just graduated, I'm getting all ready for college (exciting!) and after what seemed like forever I finally got to see my airman! I went to Florida to visit him on his base on May 29th, then on June 2nd I got a phone call early in the morning from my grandmother saying that my younger, and only, brother had passed away. So here I am back in Kansas facing the reality of something I never in a million years dreamed would happen. He was only 14. I'm just so angry. Angry that his life was taken away from him, angry that I only got to spend 4 out of the 16 days with my airman in Florida and i won't be able to go back. And my sister, my only other sibling, was in flight to South America when everything happened and once she landed she got the news but she couldn't come back and I know she is killing herself over it and I feel so damn bad that I can't do anything to help her and i can't even talk to her until she gets back at the end of June. Then tonight after the wake my mother informed me that we are moving out of our house (something that crossed my mind but i also never thought would happen) into a 1 bedroom apartment...which means she is moving and i am moving out, or well I have to move to my dads until I leave for college. It just hurts me, I've lived with my mom ever since my parents got a divorce 7 years ago, and now I won't even have a single thing in her new home, not even a little something to come back to during college. Everything took a complete nose dive, why did this have to happen? Why did my family deserve this tradgedy, its not fair and I hate it, I absolutely hate it. I feel like I went to a huge high to the lowest low I could ever feel. I am falling apart, i don't know if I can deal with all of this and I don't want to anyway. After I got the news when i was in Florida I still had 2 1/2 days until I was flying home for the funeral and those days sucked. It just felt so wrong that we were having fun and trying to get everything done and go see what we were going to see and do what we were going to do, i felt guilty. I am a basket-case of emotions right now. I don't want a free second to think because when I do i automatically start crying, I can't help it. I really don't know why i shared this but I just had to get it out even if no one reads it. Thanks for listening.