New To Being A Military Girlfriend...

For about a month and a half, I've been (exclusively) talking to my friend's brother who is in the Air Force, and has been in for close to eight years. We made ourselves official within about a month of talking. Lately we've been going through it. And for a few days, we didn't even talk, which is unusual for me because we talk a lot. We skype, and text, and e-mail, and send pictures too. I had just come out of a long distance relationship when we got together and so I am kinda used to the distance. What I'm not used to ,though, is being put on the back burner. I know that his job comes first, and I'd known that from the beginning, but I guess it never really hit me because we do talk so much. I'd say that I'm a very understanding person, but most times I really don't know what he's going through, and he really can't tell me much. We just recently talked and he came to the conclusion that I'm just "spoiled," and it did hurt to hear him question us, but after that was over I realized that he is right. I am spoiled, and he isn't the first to say it. I was spoiled in my last relationship, spoiled by my parents(as much as they could), and when I want, I usually get - whether it's from someone else or my own impulsiveness(getting it myself).

I really do want us to work, but it's just hard not being able to really talk about our problems sometimes, and not knowing how the other person feels puts all the more pressure on both ends. He's been testing because he's graduating from tech school this week and that's a big part of why he's snappy. When he comes home we will talk, and get us squared away, but I feel like I'm in the dark with most aspects of his job, and therefore I really CANT understand and empathize with him. I already do appreciate him because he's a great boyfriend and we fit pretty perfectly together. He makes me feel completely different from any other relationship I've had and I really want us to work. I think he's good for me, and I want to be good for him too. I just wish I could appreciate his work too. Could anyone take some time to explain the nature of work being in the USAF?

Thanks:]

humboldtsquid humboldtsquid
18-21, F
6 Responses Feb 9, 2010

It helps me Devon! To prepare myself. I think its good to know about before tech so you can be prepared for when your guy needs the alone time. Cause yeah, they're out of basic, but now they go through a whole different kind of stress, and its not always easier.

No problem! :) The tests are killer. I'll just speak from Nick's experience...Im sure its not much different. Nick is training to be an F-16 Crew Chief. He takes "PCs" everyday. Most of the time more than one a day. "PC" stands for "Progress Check". These could be the pre-tests your guy was talking about. If they miss more than one question on those, they fail them. The penalty for failing those isnt too bad though. I think they just have to go to a mandatory study group. But its embarrassing and the guys really kick themselves for failing them. Nick failed one by one question and it killed him. Poor guy :( The block tests are the big ones. Nick says to kind of think of them as mid-terms or finals. They get two chances for these. They pass if they score an 85% or higher. If they fail it, they get another chance. And if they fail it AGAIN, they risk getting discharged from the Air Force. One guy in Nick's squadron is being discharged this week for failing a block. So they're super super stressful. Although this probably wont help, since your boyfriend is so close to graduating. But hey, it might help somebody else who is reading this lol I'll keep my fingers crossed for you! I hope he gets to come home when he's supposed to!

Dude, I'm like, all the more excited ALL over again. lol<br />
All this time we weren't talking I didn't know what to think. It'll be better now that I know what I'm dealing with.<br />
Just wanted to say thanks again :)

VERY helpful. I knew what he did and all, but I really didn't know that about the tests. The other day he said he'd failed a pre-test, so now I know that's why. I did text him this morning to wish him luck on his tests though, so I hope he got it and it kinda cheered him up. <br />
Well I don't know what his title is... But he says his job is to watch all the people under him, and make sure they don't mess up, because when they do he gets slammed for it. He should be going to Maryland(we're from NewOrleans) if he stays in, because as of now, he isn't sure if they're gonna keep him in. He has a heart condition and he has to go before med board to see if they still wanna keep him in. We've talked about it a few times, but most of our talk is that he WILL be coming home, and plans for that, but I haven't really thought about him having to go because I had my mind set on him coming back here. So it's all up in the air right now. And I guess our problems are making him worry more and I feel horrible about that but I really didn't know. But I think we'll be okay. He's coming back soon and we'll get to really talk. And especially now that I have a better understanding of it. I guess you just hafta go through it to really understand, and this is just the beginning. <br />
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Thanks so much though!!<br />
@Kiyara - Thanks:))

Yeah......what devon said. lol welcome to the group! ^)^

Okay, Im just going to be blunt and hope it doesnt translate as being rude. Because I promise Im not a mean person! A huge part of being a military girlfriend is going to be appreciating and supporting him and his job. The boys go through hell and back at basic. Tech school is super stressful and they risk being discharged from the service all together if they fail one test. And they do all of this in a completely different environment outside of their comfort zone away from the ones they love and want to be with the most. I know I speak for the majority, if not all, of the girls on here when I say I am incredibly proud to be an Air Force girlfriend and I am even MORE proud of him. I admire him being able to go through everything he's gone through, and come out as strong as he has. It takes a special person to be able to handle all of this.<br />
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As for the him being snappy and distant thing, he's graduating at the end of this week. Im sure he's beyond stressed about doing well on his tests and passing inspection. It may not be that he doesnt want to be talking to you, he may not have time or he's exhausted and the only thing on his mind is sleep. Like you said, the Air Force comes first. Not because the boys want it to, but because they dont really have a choice. Thats where the support thing comes into play. My boyfriend is only in his first month of tech school. We still have four more to go. But I can already see how incredibly stressful it is. During the week he gets out of class and is really tired. So he'll call me for like, 10 minutes and then take a nap for like, an hour. When he gets up he'll shut off his phone and just study study study for around 3 hours or so. Depending on how much he has to do and what tests he has the next day. Then he'll call me and talk to me for an hour or so before going to bed. So all in all, I talk to him for around maybe 2 hours a night. On the weekends though we skype, text, talk on the phone, whatever. And Im completely okay with this. Being there and doing well is very important to him. And as his girlfriend, Im more than willing to compromise a few conversations so he does well.<br />
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Im rambling. Sorry. But what I guess Im trying to get at is, he's stressed. Thats it. Especially being so close to graduation. And Im sure he looks to you as a de-stresser. I know Nick does to me. Dont beg him to talk to you, or get upset when he doesnt have time for a conversation. And when you do talk to him, be cheerful and do things like try to make him laugh. Laughing is always a great way to relieve stress :) And, like you said, once he's home and you two are able to spend time with each other, everything is going to be fine :) And welcome to the group! There are some incredible ladies on here that'll help you through everything. What's your boyfriend's job and where is he going to be stationed after tech school?