Soo Confused.

Ok soo I just found out that Richard is in Active Duty & is enlisted for 6 years. I thought he was reserved. Maybe because I dont know anything about the AF that made me cry. Im just soo worried about me and his relationship. This stuff is just soo scary && still not really hearing from him is driving me crazy. I worried about everything. Like I know how I feel, and what I want...but what if he doesnt feel the exact same. I hate this. I wish he would never left. I wish he would have thought about me while making these decisions. I just feel soo out the loop. And this is just the beginning. Smh. Im a mess right now. I hate writing when Im like this because I dont want him to be upset, but what about me being upset? I hope he knows how much hell this is putting me through. Im scared to make the next step in my life, because I dont want to leave without him. This distance is really killing me and not talking to him is making it worse. I have dreamed of him every nite since he has been gone. I believe that is what makes me more upset, but you cant control your dreams. Idk..I just need to talk to him, but that isnt going to happen.

GirlRich GirlRich
18-21, F
10 Responses Feb 17, 2010

Also, I talked with my friend AJ, who JUST got out of Tech school. He made me feel alot better because He just got done with what Richard is doing and he was telling me that I should worry too much and I cant stress myself out. Basically what we all say, but It was just a little better because he just got done dealing with that crap. Him && his girlfriend, and you girls are like the only people that make sense in my life right now!!! =)

Thanks girls,as always. Im feeling better because Im in class now, and Im keeping busy. Last nite didnt even write, because I would have just been crying more. its just getting to be very frustrating. But I will be ok!!

I actually think I remember being at my lowest and I wrote like a full page saying how confused I am and how hard it is to be really positive when I'm not sure of anything. And they do want to hear it. They don't really think you're selfish if you mention things here and there. Its a weird balance of how much you should say to them, how weak you should seem to them. But I'm sure you could figure it out.

Yeah. I know we have all been there (um, how about yesterday for me? ahaaa) but it's going to be fine. Mostly I post those feelings because I know I'm wrong but I need other people to tell me I'm wrong and things will be fine. You know? But really, he'll love you still, he'll be the same person, you'll figure out a way, because there is ALWAYS a way for anything. Don't worry. It WILL all be okay.

ITS ALL GOING TO BE OKAY! The second he gets out of basic and you're able to see him and feel him at his graduation, and as soon as he's at tech school and you're able to talk every. single. night. all of these feelings are going to completely melt away. I promise :) Believe it or not, he's probably feeling all of these feelings too. This will be the hardest thing you two will ever have to go through together. But it'll also be the thing that brings you two closer than ever and the end results (meaning the future you two will have) is going to be amazing. You just gotta keep your head up girl :)

okay so my boyfriend hasnt left yet.. but i def went through the same feeling when i first found out he joined.. i kept thinking i know this is good for him.. but what about me? and so i finally broke down one day and i actually said something to him aboutt it.. [ i believe my words were i am very happy for you this just sucks for me.. ] & he was like i am not doing this for me.. im doing this for us.. & then he explained to me that he needed to know that he could support me throughout our life together and this was the way he found he could do it.. so i am sure that Richard is doing the same thing. i dont think they mean to put us through this.. they just want stability for the future- especially in times like this.. so next time your really upset just try to think of it that way.. and if you ever need anyone to talk to- im here! Believe me, i know im going to be needing this support in 1 1/2 months.. sometimes we just need to here some encouragement.. <br />
hope this helped...<br />
ps. my boyfriend also joined for 6 years.. the recruiters are really pushing that right now because if they join for 6 then its easier to renew your contract.. something about if you only join for 4 years then your renewal is reviewed by a board that has never met you or anythign but if you join for 6 then your renewal goes through someone thats met you and knows you..hope this helped.

I completely understand where you're coming from when you talk about "feeling out of the loop" and "what if he doesn't feel the same?" yeah, i worry CONSTANTLY about things that I can't have immediate answers to, and it gets really hard to dwell on! Im sure he knows its hard for you, greg has been mentioning lately how he realizes it must be really hard for me to write letters everyday to someone who can rarely write back. and it is. its alot more than that. and im sure he knows, maybe try to mention in a letter (in as positive a way as possible) that you're concerned and worried about certain things. I've let greg know from time to time whats been on my mind and he's always pretty quick to respond with something that makes me feel a bit more secure. sometimes I write letters saying what im actually feeling, and all my concerns, and i just write it all down, but I don't send it. sometimes just getting it out almost makes your heart feel better.

I dont think wanting him to open up to you is a bad thing its best to sstay positive but u also thinks its good for him to know whats on your mind. <br />
<br />
I know its hard but it'll get better. ^)^

Richard left on the 2nd too! and I got two phone calls so far. When he first got down there and on sunday we talked for 9minutes. I hope you hear from Ryan soon. This is sooo horrible. I just want to feel better ya know.

Wait did Richard leave on the 3rd??? Ryan left on the 2nd.. and i have yet to get anything.. call, letters, sad!!! I am feeling very much the same way right now.. ryan is 6 years.. and probably active duty. Im worried too.. and just like you, i know what i want and what i want to do.. but i just hope he still feels the same way. <br />
However, we will make it through this. We just have to hold onto hope that it will all work out! <br />
love ya! be strong girlie!