Jealousy, How Do You Overcome It?

So I have another questions for you girls, how do you overcome huge jealousy issues?! There is this girl that Jacob (my boyfriend) met while he was deployed a week before he met me online. She lives in the Phillipines and she keeps trying to talk to Jacob. He knows that I don't like him talking to her and he ignores her emails and IMs but yet she still keeps trying to talk to him. He said he still wants to be friends with her. But this past weekend when I went to Langley AFB where he is stationed, he was at work on Friday and left me in his room, I found an email that she sent him, 3 days after Christmas, that consist of 2 pictures. One in which she was biting her finger, the whole innocent but naughty pic, and the other one was of her in her bra and underwear. I confronted him about the pictures and I understand that his cell phone is a touch screen so if it saved it saved by accident. He told me to delete that and he watched me delete her contact. When she sent him another IM on Sunday morning, I couldn't take it anymore and so I sent her a FB message asking if she could please stop trying to talk to my boyfriend and I would really appreciate that. Was what I did wrong?

I am really upset. How do you ladies deal with jealousy issues?

jebsgirl jebsgirl
18-21, F
16 Responses Feb 23, 2010

Thanks heatherlynn88, me and him are being back to best friends again and we are working out our differences and also thinking about getting back together soon in the near future. it is obvious we love each other so much, i think we both needed this time to take a break and work on ourselves. we are back to how we were right before we started dating, the whole flirting and letting the guy call you first kind of thing. =] we both are going through some major changes in our lives that caused us to behave unrationally so now we are working it out and hoping to be back together soon enough. he brought up the fact that he might be getting deployed again... this will be his second time around... =/ maybe when he gets back from deployment it will be like how we were before. we started dating soon after he came home from deployment last time, so maybe this time around it will be the same. i dont know for sure yet. time and patience will tell what will happen. <br />
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airmanFurturewife: he did give me reason because he kept talking to this one girl and she just won't stop bugging him even since he started dating me. now that we are broken up at the moment she thinks she has a chance with him and he tells me this, now that we are best friends but not yet dating again but he lets me know now. this really helps A LOT! this break is probably what we both needed to realize what we had and what we want and how we are going to make this work maybe forever... we now know relationship is A LOT of work and both persons need to be in it 100% if not more! =] <br />
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thank you girls for being here for me!

jebsgirl<br />
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Im soorry to hearrr that i just read the post that i've missed. was there any reasoning ?

im also trying to work on my jealousy part , although he haven't done nothing to make me feel that way. i hear so many stories about how women/men do cheat on their girlfriends/wives. Also, being away for so long , im pretty sure they have the urges to have some type of intercourse. im just not to happy about that. Hearing friends say its going to be okay , he wont do it cause he love you to death but theres always the question "what if " or " did anything happen while he was out there? any suggestions what i should do ?<br />
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@ jebsgirl , <br />
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well you guys can talk about setting limits in what you can or cant do . I understand what you mean , like me im always curious who he spoke to today or whatever the case is. does he give you any reasons why you feel the way you do?

omg hun! i am so sorry. but maybbe its for the better.. maybe justmythoughts13 was right? im here if you need anything.. =[

luck isnt needed anymore. last night he broke up with me because of all of this. thank you girls for everything. I wish he understood that I am only being cautious but now, theres nothing left. im soooo heartbroken. :(

I used to be married to an Army man . It is hard when they are away alot to have trust. And if your man is a cheater he will probably lie about it. Something similar happend to me. I caught my husband talking to a woman he met online too except I was 7 months preg. at the time and He slept with her. Well our marriage has ended sense because he was constantly cheating. Just be careful girl. If you caught him this time there is probably others too . Don't be too naive take it slow dont get married or pregnant too fast like i did. You dont want to be stuck with a cheater. I hate to sound negative but thats my experience. Good Luck.

your welcome. & im here anytime if you need to talk.. because believe me- i have been through ALOT! & thank goodness i finally found someone who understands how hard it is for me to trust. so if you ever need anything, even if its just to talk, dont hesitate.

:) thank you soooo much. you make me really just stop worrying. its so easy to talk to someone that has been through the same problems i have and like its great that we all understand what we each go through. :)

well... guys.. they never understand that kind of stuff.. its like why do we have to apologize first most the time? but all i know is i would try to make him see it from your point of view.. like how would he feel if you got those emails? and how would he feel if you didnt say anything to him about it or delete those pitures? & would he think it was okay for you to be mad at him for going through your stuff even if you gave him permission. I think i would also bring up the fact that you are really trying to work on your jealousy problem, but he has to be supportive of that.. and it doesnt make it any easier when you find stuff like that in his emails.. i think he is only being mad at you for going through his stuff because he is upset that he is in the wrong.. he knows he shouldnt have pictures like that of another girl.. he has to respect you too, you know?

I cant say EVERYTHING is good. but he seem to be in a better mood but he still kinda isnt talking to me much so im not too sure what is going through his mind. I know that he is really upset over the whole "invasion of his privacy" but i dont see how that is when he allowed me to go through his phone, telling me he had nothing to hide, which is why I did what I did. I know this is gonna be a long 9 days before he comes up to MD for my birthday. I am worried about what he is thinking right now about us because we came close to a breaking point a couple of weeks ago. We both know how much we love each other but fights like these has him very impatient and not thinking clearly which brings him to want to end things. <br />
Working on jealousy issues is really hard but I am willing to work with my problems and make our relationship stronger. <br />
I am out of things to tell him about us and about how not only do i have to work on things, so does he. I am not always the one with the problems. He is in fault too. Any suggestions on that?

your welcome =]<br />
i dont think that he even needed to apologize.. she is the one who was sending your boyfriend stuff even though she knew he had a girlfriend.. theres a line that shouldnt be crossed with guys and their friends that are girls and she def crossed that line.. BUT IM REALLY GLAD THAT EVERYTHING IS GOOD! & it def takes a while to work on doesnt it? Ughh i hate that feeling. lol

:) thanks heatherlynn88. <br />
From what I heard from him today, he had sent her an apology message for what I did and she was really mad at him that his girlfriend, me, sent her a message. well she had that coming for her. so im sure that they wont be talking any time soon or ever again. :) <br />
And he told me the other day that when I am walking at the mall with him and theres a group of girls, i tend to like cling onto him tighter and I really dont even realize I do that... so I am working on trying to overcome my jealousy issues.

so i have had alot of jealousy problems too.. because of past relationships where boyfriends have cheated on me.. so i am also working on this.. and i have gotten alot betterin the past year and a half when i really started trusting my boyfriend.. but this would have set me off too.. & how can someone say she didnt do anything to you? as far as im concerned, i would say thats who she hurt the most.. but hopefully she will stop sending him stuff. and if you ever need anyone to talk to, i def know how your feeling.. and jealousy is not fun nor easy to stop.. so if you need to talk....

Haha, thanks. I didnt want to come off as the total *****. Many people have told me, I shouldn't have gotten involved with the girl because she technically did anything to me. So, yea. I could've been more of a ***** but I didn't for my boyfriend's sake of course! :)

Yep. All I said was: "Hi, [name of girl, ill leave anonymous]. This is Jacob's girlfriend. I would appreciate it if you could stop trying to talk to my boyfriend. I don't appreciate you sending him provocative pictures and always trying to get a hold of him. It would be greatly appreciated if you could stop this. Thank you." <br />
That isn't too bad, is it?

He wasn't. I even drilled his best friend about it because when I found this out, Jacob was still at work and his best friend works nights so when I found out he just got off work, so I had to talk to the best friend first. What I don't understand is how can a girl do that when she obviously knows that he has a girlfriend in which he loves. <br />
I am working on my jealousy issues and my way of dealing with it, is acutally working! :) I'm trying to trust him 100% but sometimes things like what she did has me wondering. <br />
Thanks for your advice! :)