I Feel Like I'll Never See Him Again....

So a lot of things are going on in my life right now. I'm going to start working next week, so hopefully that will keep me busy. next semester I will be moving into the dorms but my mother is not taking it well at all. Im going to be 20 by the time I move away and she doesnt want me to leave. She even cried a couple times already. She actually told she she didnt want me to leave until I got married. Which she wanted to be in my mid to late 20's. I am hopefully going to take a class during the summer so I can catch up next semester, that is if I can afford it.


With all  this going on, all the planning and thinking and money counting, I also have to deal with the fact that I haven't talked to Chris since February 6th. We talked on facebook last week but it was mostly about me feeling "uncared" for before his internet connection got crappy and he wasnt able to get back on. He told me he'd try to show that he cares but I just feel so lost and alone. I don't even know when I'm going to see him again. There isn't a pin pointed date when I KNOW Im going to see him, I have absolutely no clue. When he gets home for a week I doubt Im going to see him either. He's going to have family trying to be with him, he'll have all his friends coming over his house every freaking day like they did before he left, and THEN he'll have these random  fugly a$$ h03$ in his face telling him how much they miss him. Probably meaning no time for me. Even when he was still in Illinois we didn't see each other because no one has a car and  I live "all the way over here" I live in the city wihile his old house, family and friends are ALL in the suburbs, meaning I get left out all the time. After RAP he'll be gone for like two years probably. And God knows whats going to happen to me in between that Long period of time. I wish I was at least engaged to him right now, having something remind me that we REALLY ARE going to spend our lives together would help me push through this. I dont even know if he REALLY wants to marry me anytime soon, or at all. He told me to my face that he wanted to marry me when he gets out of the air force. Then over the phone he said he wants to marry me so we can travel the world together, when that is I have no idea. Could be 3 years by now for all I know.


I would settle for talking to the guy for 5 minutes to figure out what is in store for us in the future but now I feel like I have nothing and I'm really starting to lose my sanity. All the crying day and night....I'm so tired of it. Tech is SOOOOOOO much worse the BMT :'(

KiyarameruGeisha KiyarameruGeisha
18-21, F
4 Responses Feb 27, 2010

I will thanks Nikki. I'll update as soon as I hear something from him.

=(<br />
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i'm sorry it's been so hard for you! but it can't stay this bad forever. and you will get that talk with him. try to hang in there!

Thanks Courtney. Im just a bit discourage, I probably had my hope say waaay too high. I was reading all these stories about how Tech is SOOO much better and that you can talk to you guy everyday and this and that but it just seemed to be one bad thing after another, it's been over a month and he still doesnt have his phone on yet. But I'll do my best to pull though.

Girl, if you need to talk on Facebook you can. I'm always here. But I doubt that after RAP you won't see him for 2 years... that would mean he would never take any of his leave to come home lol. And when he's home on RAP, girl, he will DEFINITELY want to see you! I know his family will want to be with him... but maybe you can get that all out in a bang, plan a homecoming party with a TBA date!! That way you can interact a little more with his family, feel like you're closer with him, then when it comes down to his friends... tell him straight up you want him to see his friends, but you want date days too. Just make your needs clear, without being TOO needy. Am I making sense? I know it feels like you're already putting your all into missing him and dealing with no contact. But push a little harder, see how strong you are, and make sh*t happen. You'll be surprised.<br />
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And good luck with the job!!! :D