I'm Confused

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he's leaving to BMT in May. Each time a month goes by, I feel like I'm losing time. A long time ago I felt okay about him leaving, but now, it's really getting to me. I don't know what to expect, and there's a lot of things going through my mind. Yesterday we had a little argument about "what if our feelings change for each other" or "what if someone else comes along." He kept saying that it COULD happen. All I could think of was "why would you say that?" It's hard to keep an open mind about that when I'm already living with him at his parents house and he's asked me to stay. I've done everything I can to show him how much he really means to me. It really hurt me when he brought that up because this is someone I'm committed to and want to wait for --someone I want to be with. It scares me because I really want to work this out, but I don't know what to do. I know it's going to be really hard once he leaves, but if you really love someone, you wouldn't let something like that happen, right?

I really don't know. He's like hot and cold: he wants to stay with me, but it seems like he can't commit to it.

PS143 PS143
18-21, F
7 Responses Mar 3, 2010

Richard acted just like this before he left. I believe this is just something they go through mentally. Before Richard left, he made comments..telling me to go head and be sexual with someone else, go get attention else where...Like Devon said...blahh blahh blahh. We faught ALL the time. Went two or three days without communicating. Cussed each other out! Even had a veryyy big blow up 2 days before he left..and his family was soo worried because I was done with him && his stupidity. But EVERYONE told me to just stick it out..things will get better && I didnt believe there was any hope for me and him. But the day before he left, we had a veryyy good talk and he sincerely apologized about EVERYTHING he put me through..and now that he is gone, our relationship couldnt be better. Like all the other girls said...BMT strengths your relationship soo much. Because while he is going through hell, realistically you are too! Everything will be fine I promise, just stick it out and appreciate all the time you guys have together. Come and talk to us when he is being a ***! Lol. We will make it allll better hugsss

Nick acted like that before he left too. Leaving behind your girlfriend for months and months really isnt an easy thing. He's just scared is all. My boyfriend is in tech school now and he STILL says silly things like, "If you ever find somebody better than me, just tell me. I want you to be happy." Blah blah blah. Which always gets to me because I couldnt even imagine myself with anybody else. Its his own insecurities. It has nothing to do with you :) Like Mariah said, bmt strengthens a lot of relationships. It definitely did wonderful things for mine :) You two are going to be fine! If not a million times better :) Spend lots of time together now! And take lots of pictures! It helps once he's gone :) Welcome to the group!

He decided he wanted to join the Air Force when we were both in high school. When it was close to graduation, he broke up with me, and his reason was because "he was leaving and didn't want to have anything in the back of his mind while he was there" He thought he would be gone by summer, but there wasn't anything open for the job he chose. I stuck around and put up with him for the hardest 8 months of my life while we were broken up until we worked things out, and got back together. From that I just feel like I've been through too much to just give up just because he's leaving. I totally agree with you, becsig, I can't see myself wanting to be with someone else either. I've never been sure of anything in my life, except when it comes to him. I still have hope that our relationship will work out. I'm glad I joined this group, I think it'll really help me get by. Thanks for all the support!

I believe BMT really does strengthen most relationships. It definitely saved mine. It'll be a rough 8.5 weeks, but with that time apart, he'll honestly realize how much he loves you and needs you in his life. He'll know that he won't want anyone else but you girl. Try not to stress about it too much while he's here and just enjoy and spend as much time together as you can. It'll be hard at first, but the both of you can make it through this. And once you do, it'll be SO worth the wait. Trust me :) All the wonderful girls here know and understand what you're going through, and we'll support you 100% all the way! So don't be afraid to come to us for any questions or concerns that you may have. Welcome to the group! :)

Me and my boyfriend spent a lot of time arguing about "what ifs" in the months before he left. He's only been gone at basic for a week and there hasnt been one day that has gone by where I look back and wish I wouldnt have spent so much time worrying about things that havent happened yet. So my advice is to cherish these last months you have with him, because making these last months amazing with him will definetely help him not think about other girls while hes gone. If you spend your last bit of time worrying and arguing, then thats what hes going to go to basic remembering, is all the bickering. You want him to remember a GOOD relationship, yano? And its always a possibility that you guys could meet someone else, because nobody knows the future. But if you love him and he loves you then you have to put trust in your relationship that it will last and you will get through these hard times. Just take it one day at a time, and try not to worry about things that havent happened yet. Keep your head up and try to think positive, right now he is all yours and be happy that he wants you to wait for him and wants to try to get through this together as a couple.

I know what you mean. When my boyfriend and I had "the talk" before basic, he said something like, "If I'm away and you find someone else, and something happens when I'm gone, be honest with me and tell me." I kind of laughed. He seemed upset, and said, "No, Becca, stop. I'm serious." I told him I was sorry for laughing, and that I didn't think what he was saying was funny, but that the idea of me even CONSIDERING wanting to be with anyone else was so ridiculous that I couldn't take it seriously.<br />
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The only thing basic will change about your relationship is make it a lot stronger! You'll both realize how much you love and need each other. Getting letters from you will make him fall in love with you all over again, and vice versa! :)

I think once he gets there and you start to write he will realize how much he truly needs you in his life. Most couples get closer during BMT. Just enjoy the time you have left together and try to not think about when he is leaving. Live in the present while you can.