It has been getting really hard lately. He is being reclassed and untill then he needs something to take up his time so his staff sargent assigned him night CQ. He does this 5 days a week. When I talk to him its only for five minutes max ...if I am lucky. Hearing his voice is the sweetest thing to me. I love this man with all of my heart but some days I wonder if this is right. We have risked alot in the beginning of our relationship. You see i was only 17 and he was 24. It was my fault we got together. I did everything in my power to get him then I kept it to myself on how old I really was. By the time I told him he didn't care but we did cool thing down untill I turned 18. We finally came out to the public and buildlt our relationship. it was tough but we didit, well still doing it. I really do love him. One thing I dont understand is when I say I love him other folks will say I am too young to understand what love REALLY is.  The truth is I don't know what it REALLY is but I REALLY dont care. I will experince it my own way. The only thing is I worry constantly that i am not right for him and i am only taing him down. It feels as if i am not doing enough for him. I am faithful, i dont lie to him, i stand behind him and support him even when i think what he is doing is stupid. I try so hard to be a great woman to him but it seems i am not doing enough. He tells me all the time he loves me and he couldnt do with out me and i am the only one for him but i still feel wrong. what am i to do? how can i shake this? How can i shake this before he comes home and i take his last name?

missie54 missie54
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 8, 2010

I don't get to talk to James very often and theres only a 2 year age difference. But a lot of times i stop to wonder if I'm good enough for him, because I'm picky, kinda bossy and NEED his attention. Distance hurts mine and James' relationship a lot. BUT we know that when we are finally together again, nothing can break us apart. So we stick it through the agitation and the hurt..because we love each other. When a guy REALLY and TRULY says you are THE one and only, believe him. He loves you so much more...

I was only 17 and my boyfriend was 22 when we first got together a year ago :) Which FREAKED my parents out in the beginning. Lol. Now I think they love him more than me :) I used to always get paranoid about him leaving me for someone closer to his age or someone who was already done with school that he didnt have to wait for. But whenever I would bring these feelings up to him, he'd get really upset and hurt because he would never do that. He loves me for me, my age has nothing to do with it. He's on midshift at tech school. So he sleeps all day and then goes to class all night. We dont talk very much at all during the week. And, I wont lie, sometimes when Im sitting by myself not able to talk to him because he's asleep or in class, I find my mind wondering and myself thinking a lot of, "what ifs". But I quickly push those thoughts out of my mind because i know they arent true. I mean, him being away isnt easy for him either. Why would he still be with me and put himself through that is he didnt actually want to be with me? Us girls tend to over-analyze things. Especially when we cant talk to our men as often as we'd like to and when they're not as close to us as we'd like. But you have to remember that this is their job and its not their fault. Believe me, he wants to talk to you as much as you want to talk to him. But for now us girlfriends just have to suck it up and play the cards we're dealt. Especially because they look to us as their support system :) I just think you're missing him A LOT and letting your mind wander. I bet once he's home and you're able to see and touch and feel him, all of this feelings of doubt will go away :)