Day 1 - Boyfriend Leaves For Lackland

    So I already have been blogging on livejournal about my first week dealing with my boyfriend leaving for BMT. I stumbled on this site just today and it's really awesome to see all the girls showing support and giving advice to each other girlfriend wise. I've just been finding forums for air force wives so this gave me lots of relief to read. I'm going to post my first entry from day 1 on here to share my experience from him leaving the base. This day was an emotional one and I put all of my sadness and frustrations into what I did write. I am learning in time that life does get better and having the support of your friends and family goes a very long way and hearing from people who have gone through the same situation makes you feel a bit more sane.


**Yesterday had to be one of the hardest days of my life. It started with both of our alarms both going off at 6 in the morning (after a long night of waking up at every hour), getting his last warm shower in for the next 2 1/2 months (now he will be scrubbing in cold water with 65 other bare assed dudes), doing one last double check to see if he had everything (which he forgot his shower shoes because its always one thing), and finally heading out the door and saying good bye to our dog Meeko who is basically his baby (by this time I'm all choked up and holding it in).

We get to the air base about 10-15 minutes before he is supposed to be there. I'm at this point holding it all together very well (the night before was a different story) holding his hand and soaking up every last pda moment we had together, talking about everything besides what was happening next. So 7:30 rolls around and all the recruits that were leaving are there with their families too, waiting for the van to pick them up when one of the service workers there tell us it was going to be late. At that moment I learned yet another military quote which is "hurry up and wait". So as we all sit there and wait for god knows how long at that point I realize there was a little girl there with her little i love you pillow they issue the recruits for someone in their family, and mom and grandma waiting with their recruit which is her daddy. I know he is doing this basically for the same reasons Josh is but I couldn't imagine leaving a 2 year old behind for more than half a year. You would miss out on so many things in her life.

By now it is around 8:30 and Josh finally gives in for yet again his "last" cigarette when of course the van comes (because everything conveniently starts happening right when he does for any reason lol).  My heart and my throat I think automatically drop into in the pit my stomach and I clinch his hand for dear life. Right then he asks me not to cry until he leaves because I know it breaks his heart when I do. At this point I'm ready just to pull out every "girlfriend" and "if you really love me" card and guilt trip him into not leaving. So we walk to the doors and we kiss and hug and keep telling each other these next few months will fly by and see each other soon (even though right now it seems like an eternity to me). I watch his last goodbyes to Rosie, his dad, and finally his mom who started tearing up and it took me every ounce of strength to hold it all in. We then walk him outside, watch him get on the van, and at this point it feels like a mix the end of a funeral and the first day of school. I walk to my car and as I start getting in I watch the van drive past and watch him wave at me until he is out of site and just gone.

I get into the car and all the strength I had from holding everything in all morning had disappeared and I broke down. Josh isn't here with me anymore even though we pretty much have been together everyday since that first drunken night. Thank god I had Rosie there to calm me or I probably wouldn't have been able to function to even get home. Thank god I had my mother to call and let me vent and cry to her and try to make me feel better as much as she could. Thank god for my dog Meeko who somehow knew something was really wrong and sat with me while I broke down at home, even though he doesn't know his daddy will be gone for a long time. And thank god for everyone who actually gave a damn to ask how I was doing even though my puffy blood shot eyes and shaky lost voice said it all.

I worked the rest of the day and it really was a smart move even though my body was sore from exhaustion and I'd want to start crying at different points but at least I was doing something other than moping around. I got to text and talk to him at every stop he had which was way more than I thought I would so it brightened me up a little. Then at 9:30 while I was getting everything wrapped up to leave work he calls to tell me he was on the van 2 seconds away from Lackland Air Base. I was happy he made it there safely but that also meant that would be the last time I would talk to him until god knows when.

I got home last night feeling physically tired and mentally beat up and Rosie kept me company until I finally started getting tired. So we went into the bedroom and she put on comfy clothes for the night, I was winding down as best I could, and Meeko actually came to sleep in the room surprisingly. While she was changing she found a note in one of Josh's empty dresser drawers that were open. So we said goodnight and I waited until she left and sat in Meeko's bed and read the note to him. What he said made me feel better like he knew I needed that pep talk. So I put the note and my little I love you pillow on his side of the bed and while I fell asleep I swear I could feel his arms around me.

So that was day one and the start of "my training". I am going to learn that I can do things on my own without having to rely on Josh or anyone else. I can be alone without having someone there. I am learning how to be independent on my own for once. I miss him like crazy right now but knowing he definitely is the one for me and he is not only doing this for himself but for us gives me strength to get me though this. I also have amazing friends who give me the courage to get back up when I feel like I can't and I am really thankful for that. It's not going to be easy but I know I can do this and hopefully time really will fly by and before I know it he will be with me again.

dazedmandy dazedmandy
22-25, F
Mar 11, 2010