Uhh, Venting..

okay so im haveing a horrible night. idk what wrong with me it seems like i seem to be having alot of them. im in tears writeing this.. i dont even know what to do anymore. i feel like i have grown up so much but then i am still the same age and have to put up with immature people.. i feel liek jeff is fallinf out of love with me and part of it is because when me and him fight he tells his friend sometimes he doesnt know why he is with me but then is perfectly fine after our fight.. its so confusing and jeff never shares his feelings which makes our relayionship even harder cause i can never tell if he feels the same as i do.. and then i comment something on his facebook and his aint said he can tell just by the way i type that i miss him.. i wish he was just here to hold me so i knew things where better.. somedays i just dont want to get out of bed and it seems like every night i end up sad and crying.. i feel like i cant keep him happy anymore and im doing everything in our relationship wrong and idk how to change it.. i have tried everything but we just end up fighting and people say its just cause we miss each other so much but i dont know how to handle all this.. my best way is crying.. and i just want my mom to talk to but i cant even have that.. i just feel like breaking down for like a week straight and not talking to anyone. i want to shut myself out of the world so that i can just think bout being with jeff and all the times we where together.. the other night i cried to him on the phone for the first time ever cause i had no one to talk to and i was having a horrible day at school and i dont think he knew how to handle it but i just needed someone and he was the only person i could think of.. today i had a great day with jeffs bestfriend and his girlfriend who is one of my friends but i feel like i shouldnt be doing stuff without jeff. it happens everytime i have a good day.. and then my nights end up horrible.. okay sorry i really had to vent and just get stuff of my chest.

angiegirl23 angiegirl23
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 13, 2010

haha thanks girl. i wrote jeff a long mesage and told him that he had to show some sort of emothion becuase the most i get out of him is an i love you. eeven though i know i should just take that and not ask for more. but i am really feeling like he doesnt want to be with me and if thats the case then i really dont want to be waiting around if he is goin to like me (that might sound like i dont love him but i do with all my heart!) and he messaged back and was like babe you didnt tell me all of this was bothering you.. and that he didnt want to lose me and stuff like that. so hopefully things get better. now that i think of it maybe i was in the wrong for sending it, but i was a wreck last night and didnt know what to do but hopefuly things where okay he seemed fine with the message so i guess we will wait and see.

First, breathe. I think we all go through this, even if some don't voice it or have it as bad. One thing Jeremy said to me that stood out was that he was still in training, and it occurred to me that just because a phone, computer, and other things are available to him now, doesn't mean he's less stressed or has all the free time in the world. This effects the guys in different ways, some are able to cope easier, some cut out everyone and get sort of cold, and some get cold while still talking to people. My approach is to not be too serious and sort of make sure he's okay and worry about me stuff myself, which I've always been pretty good at. I most want him to be okay, and I'm sure you want Jeff to be okay too. So, as hard as it may be, avoid the things that are starting the fights. Talk about happy things like activites you want to do or movies you want to see. I think sometimes talking to your boys, you have to take the same approach as your letters. Maybe not AS encouraging, because they have a bit of confidence now, but you still can't get them too down. Because they're weak, as much as they don't say or show it. And you know those days when you just hate the world and anything will annoy you? Well imagine they're in like a mild form of that all the time. And sometimes certain subjects just tick you off in those moods? Not that I'm saying you're bugging him, please don't think that. Its not you, really. But I'm just saying, just because they have contact, doesn't mean everything is okay now. And as much as it sucks, the Air Force still OWNS your relationship, and there isn't much time for your problems. (Gosh, that sounds mean, I swear it's not!) And I don't know what you two talk about, but try your best to make the conversation light. You two love each other and miss each other, so it's not a matter of if he loves you, its a matter of if he's happy and emotionally capable of keeping it up, and thaaat is what you have to help with. Keeping his spirits up in any way you can. Yeah, you may be walking on eggshells a little, but if that's what works...<br />
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Okay, I rambled. And you know, if you're having a rough day you can post on here or message me any time. That's what we're all here for. :) I know we're not Jeff or one of your friends but we can really help a lot.