Everyday Its Getting Harder

this is going to be me venting fyi lol

everyday that goes by being away is just getting harder on me.  I just feel like i cant do this anymore.  the distance is getting to me and i dont even know when i will see him again.  I keep asking myself why im dong this and putting myself through this when he doesnt even know if he wants to spend forever w me.  I still have at least 9 months till I can even think about moving out w him and even then it will probably be longer.  when he goes out it drives meeee nutsss.  I dont trust him at all when he is out cause he gets so ****** up and I talked to him about it and his response was "thats what me n my friends do we go out and get ****** up"!!! seriously you cant go out n just drink some n not get ****** up...Last week when he went out he didnt even remember how he got home...******* seriously.  So how can he evern tell me he didnt **** w another grl when he cant remember!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want him to get a taste of his own damn med so bad but i hate drinking to that point.  My ex ****** me up soooo bad cause he would get plastered and lie to me about everything and i try so hard not to take it out on him but i cant at all.  I dont trust him when he is drunk and he doesnt give a flying ****.  i cant take another 9 months of this and what happens if it a lot longer tahn that I will go crazyy.I love him so much but it iis breaking me apart seriously. i want to tell him i cant do this anymore but i no i would just be saying it cause im mad and upset.  and if i did it i dont think he would fight for me cause thats not him.  i just wish i could let my past go but i was hurt so much i just cant...ughhhh i hate it all

 

sorry i just need to vent some

antsgirl6108 antsgirl6108
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 13, 2010

maybe i gave off the wrong message but he does make me extremly happy unless he is going out. he does whatever he can that makes me happy xcept when he gets plastered. n i did tell him about giving him a taste of his med and he said ok hayley

I know you're just venting but SERIOUSLY!?!?! He's being an inconsiderate ******* and your having to deal with it!?! that's some ****! I'd tell him how you feel EXACTLY how you feel, even the part about making him taste a little of his own med. and see how he reacts. If hes really how your makin him out to be then WTF are you with him! he's just making you die sooner of stress! When you're with someone and you're hoping that maybe youll end up marrying them, shouldnt it be because your ALWAYS happy with them,...and i mean not just when you're physically with him, but when he's away from you too. he should always atleast TRY to make you happy. I'm sorry but i was treated like **** my entire life by guys and i finally found a guy...(even though hes a bit diff. than what i usually go for) he makes me happy 100% of the time. Or atleast he tries. He use to live 2 hours away from me and not once was i worried he was cheating on me...and thats a big deal...for me...<br />
I'm telling you NOW, do this for you! talk to him, see how reacts and go from there...if hes not willing to work with you on it then whats the point!?