My Venting.

I hate this. I hate this whole situation. I know it's whats best for us and our future but I didn't think it would hurt this bad. I think I'm okay one minute and the next I'm balling and I can't move. I've never cried so much in my life. He's only been gone a week and I'm already about to lose it. I sit here at home doing nothing just in case of his call. I hate being away from him. I feel so empty and alone. I'm used to seeing him every day. He practicly lived here. Everytime I hear a car I run to the door hoping it's him, but of course I know it never is and it won't be. I stare at the mailbox every morning until the mail comes and run to the mailbox hoping for a letter. Nothing. I know it'll be a while until I get one, but I do this stuid stuff anyways. I jump to my phone when it rings. I get so disappointed when it's not him. Me and him are engaged and yet I still feel scared of me losing him. I'm so scared I won't get a letter from him at all or that I'll get one and it will say that it won't work out. I still have a whole seven weeks to go. I don't know why I'm so worried. I talk to his parents every week and his parents already got a room for me for his graduation because he asked them to get me one. I don't know why I'm worried, but I am. I don't want to lose him. Me and him planned to have eachother in our future. We have all these plans that he promised on his daughter that I miscarried that we would do. I don't think he would break a promise on her, would he? Ugh, I don't know. I don't want to lose him. Before he left we were trying to get pregnant again, but I don't know if we had any luck yet it's too soon to tell. But I don't think he would try to get me pregnant and then break up with me, would he? I don't even know. I just know that this is so hard and I'm in tears writing this. I just want him back... UGHHHH

allee0718 allee0718
18-21, F
4 Responses Mar 15, 2010

Gee lovehurts2much thanks. if your gonna be negative, don't leave comments on my stories. k thanks.

Beware dr, guys do change when they go abroad. Me and my boyfriend were so much in love and happy when he was with me. l felt something torn inside me when he went to study abroad, yet l didnt let him know. No one is perfect until you fall in love with them. He was perfect for me until one day l hacked his mail account and found out that he was cheating me with his class mate. It was the end. He was two timing both of us and l never knew it. l went away without saying a word, wat was the use...

aww hun.. just take a deep breath! there is no way that he would want to break up with you.. im sure he is hurting just as bad.. just wait till the day you get your first letter or call and im sure you will feel a whole lot better.. just remember the good times you guys had together.. & believe me, if he asked you to marry him & he wants to have a kid with you, there is NO WAY that he would want to lose you.. if you ever need to talk, i am always here to listen.. my boyfriend leaves for basic in two weeks- so im sure i will be a mess too.. (seeing as i already had a few break downs) maybe we can help each other through this and before you know it, you will be going to see his graduation =] just try to stay strong.

I know its hard, I was feeling the exact same way you are when my boyfriend left. I even quit my job because all I wanted to do was sit home and wait for his call. But as soon as you hear from him I promise it will get easier. It just sucks at first because you have no idea what hes thinking. But as soon as you get a letter or a phone call and hear him say how much he misses you and loves you, it will ease ALL of your fears. I was so scared that my boyfriend wouldnt even think about me when he went to basic, that I would be stuck at home missing him like crazy and he's just forgetting about me. I worried and thought all of that stuff for the first 3 weeks up until I got my first phone call yesterday and he told me how much he thinks about me and how hard it is being away and how he cant wait to be done with training so he can see me. It eased all of my worries, and now I just keep telling myself "he wouldnt be telling me that stuff if he didnt really mean it, he wouldnt make me sit and wait if he didnt think it would be worth it". Before he left, he said "I cant promise that this is going to be easy, but i promise it will be worth it." And i swear that i live by that quote now. You just have to remember that at the end of all this hurt and chaos will be years of happiness. He wouldnt have made a commitment to marry you if he didnt love you, and trying to have a baby definetely shows that he is in this for good and plans on being with you forever. Just keep your head up and give it another week or two, once you hear from him i promise it will get easier :)