We all have our shares of ups and downs with this whole experience. I mean lets face it, this is not easy by any means. But when people ask us "How can you stand being away from each other?" We always answer "We just do" & we dont bother to think about how different things could be "if this..." or "if that...." because there is no use since we cannot change the minds of the AF.

I think I have done pretty well adjusting to the fact that Mike is in Alaska, that I wont get to see him but once every few months or several months & making our relationship work through phone calls, texts, & Skype... But Im always worried about if he is HAPPY. He joined the AF after getting out of a BAAAAD engagement & he was in debt, couldnt afford school anymore so he joined the AF. He thought that all the traveling & opportunities he would get would make him happy.

But then he meets me 1 MONTH before BMT & without either of us planning it, we fell hard for each other. Obviously I made the decision to stay with him when he asked me to & there has never been one second when I have regretted or wished that I had made a different decision. I am the happiest I have ever been even through BMT, Tech school, & all of the headaches of figuring out military jargon, AF rules & the AFs ability to change its mind.

But now, I find out that Mike may not be as happy in the military as I am about him being in it. I go full out "GO AF!" because he is in the AF, before he came along I never knew any of the stuff that I do now & I probably still wouldnt. I dont let myself beg for him to come home or quit, since that simply is not an option. Why would I make the situation worse by asking for something that he simply cannot do? But now he tells me today he is unhappy with where he is stationed, unhappy with all of the training he has to do that he says is BS & all he wants is to come home. 

Ive tried to be supportive & understanding, to give him words of encouragement & tell him I love him. All of which he appreciates & thanks me for. But I feel like its not enough. I just want to make it better for him & I feel like I cant. It makes me feel like complete s-h-i-t. Whereas I would have NEVER NEVER NEVER doubted our relationship before I cant help but wonder if it wasnt for me coming along a month before he left, if he would be happier in the military because he wouldnt want to come home to be with me!?! Thats something I could NEVER ask him because it wouldnt be fair. Just like it wouldnt be fair to ask "If you had to choose between the AF & me..." I would NEVER want him to. I just want him to be HAPPY.

Sorry for rambling & that this is so long! I appreciate if you read this much, I just need to get this all out!! Basically I think Im just looking for someone who can relate to me or who has an airman who is feeling kind of like Mike right now... 

smako smako
18-21, F
2 Responses Apr 6, 2010

zach talks like that sometimes and it makes me so unhappy to know he's not happy. but i just try my best to tell him how proud i am of him. but using much more words than that haha sooner or later he comes around and says how lucky he is to have found a girl that will stick with him through it all. maybe he is just having a rough time. just be there for him and keep giving the encouragement he needs. good luck :)

James doesn't exactly like tech or anything, bc like Mike, this was a last resort. And the distance from me only makes EVERYTHING worse. Maybe once you two are together for good, he'll feel better? I'm thinking that may be it. Or maybe the Air force just isn't his idea of a lifestyle? It's not for everybody. But if I had to guess, I'd say it's distance and being away from you.