The past couple of days have been really tough for me. As many of you know, My mom passed away on Friday ): My boyfriend Jordan is in BMT and that just makes this entire situation impossible to handle. On the brighter side, I was able to call him on Saturday and tell him what had happened. He didn't believe me and when he realized I was serious he started to cry. I don't want him to be down there upset about it, I need him to be strong. Jordan wanted to come home so badly and he tried everything in his power to, but like many of you had said because it wasn't his mother- he wasn't allowed to come home. I completely understand that, he is exactly where he needs to be, but it would have been so nice if he could have been able to fly home for the ceremonies. Today is by far going to be the hardest day for me, It's my mom's wake. I haven't seen her yet and I am terrified. This all seems so unreal to me and I still don't believe it, therefore this is going to be a major wake up call. I miss her so much ): Another thing that is upsetting me is that my letters to Jordan haven't been as upbeat and thoughtful- do you think he understands?