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The past couple of days have been really tough for me. As many of you know, My mom passed away on Friday ): My boyfriend Jordan is in BMT and that just makes this entire situation impossible to handle. On the brighter side, I was able to call him on Saturday and tell him what had happened. He didn't believe me and when he realized I was serious he started to cry. I don't want him to be down there upset about it, I need him to be strong. Jordan wanted to come home so badly and he tried everything in his power to, but like many of you had said because it wasn't his mother- he wasn't allowed to come home. I completely understand that, he is exactly where he needs to be, but it would have been so nice if he could have been able to fly home for the ceremonies. Today is by far going to be the hardest day for me, It's my mom's wake. I haven't seen her yet and I am terrified. This all seems so unreal to me and I still don't believe it, therefore this is going to be a major wake up call. I miss her so much ): Another thing that is upsetting me is that my letters to Jordan haven't been as upbeat and thoughtful- do you think he understands?

Mmackerman Mmackerman 16-17, F 6 Responses Apr 13, 2010

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He definitely understands girl, no doubt about that. Just know that he loves you and you two will support each other 100% of the way. Once again, I'm so sorry about your loss, but you are a strong girl and you will make it through this and any other obstacle life make throw at you. We're all here for you no matter what! Still praying for you, Jordan, and your family.

Yes, girl, he understands. I promise. And it probably isn't doing the best for him, but you are going through the loss of a parent and that is one of the hardest things to do. And he knows that. He won't hold it against you I promise. I lost my dad when I was 9, and I lost my "adopted" [bff's mom] mother January 2009. If you need someone to vent to, message me. I've been there.

First and for most...Im sooo sorry for your lost. This brought tears to my eyes. I know things must be extremely difficult for you right now...and my heart goes out to you soooo much. hugs hugs hugs!!!! But just TRY your hardest to remain strong. Your mom is going to be extremely proud of you && your life with Jordan after all of this is going to be amazing!!! Ive have always been told that God wont ever put more on you than you can bear. Remember that!! Im here for you if you need anything sweetie. And Im sure that Jordan understands that your letters arent totally uplifting..but he going to make you extremely proud && do his best to make you happy & proud. We are here if you need us. Keep your head up boo..

First off, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. That's heartbreaking. I can't even imagine how difficult this must be for you, and I'm sure he must be thinking the same judging by his reaction. I'm glad you got to talk to him and tell him what's going on. There's no way that he doesn't understand why your letters haven't been upbeat and I'm sure he's wishing he was home with you. I'm sure he appreciates that you're still writing, and I hope that in some way writing him can be somewhat of a distraction for you. Losing a family member or friend is never easy regardless of if you were prepared for it or not. My prayers are with your and your family.

Hey luv<br />
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First I want to say that I send my love to you and your family. Just remember that your mom's spirit will always be with you-- in little things you do or see you will still feel her presence. Love never dies. We are here for you too. If Jordan ever gave you something, like jewelry, a key chain, or a note or something, you could have it with you at the funeral services. Then it will feel like he is still with you, supporting you. As far as the letters, it is okay for you to not be so upbeat and happy at this time. What you could do is tell him to finish boot camp strong for your mother. That will give him motivation and strength. I am sure that he is hurting too. Keep your head up and remember its okay to cry.

aww hun. i am sooo sorry! I cannot even imagine how tough you have to be right now.. =( this has to be soo hard.. & i hope you know that we are all here for you. As for the letters, i wouldnt take that personally.. when i talked to matt he told me that he only gets 15 min. at night to read and write letters.. so they dont have alot of time. and hes prob still kind of in shock about the whole thing. just like you. i hope today goes okay for you! & if you ever need anything..