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I Hope This Gets Easier

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and half, it has been the most wonderful 18 months of my life!.  As soon as we met I knew there was something special about him!!! 5 months ago he joined the US military.... (I am Canadian, he is American).  We talked about it before he joined up and given his situation we thought that this would be the best road for him to take, and I thought this would be easier to go through, to deal with, there are things that have come up that I never imagined.  I don't come from a military family so this is all brand new to me, I knew the military would "own" him for the duration of his contract, but there are rules and regualtions that I never could have dreamed of!! 

It's not that I don't love him enough to stand by his side..metaphorically speaking, as a great amount of distance seperates us....the distance kind of helps because I dont' expect to see him or hear from him because I know that he is far away and that what he is doing requires undivided attention in order for him to qualify in the field that he is trying out for.  But some days I almost wonder if I love him to much because nothing that I do has meaning without him here, some days I struggle just to get through the day.  I miss him so much that sometimes I get chest pains just thinking about him. 

I can't decide which is worse, the weeks on end of not hearing from him or the days that I do get a phone call from him because hearing his voice on the other end of the phone just reminds me of why he is not here.   30sec phone calls saying "I love you, and I'm ok"  give me the strength I need to get through until his next phonecall,  but on the other hand they just make me miss him that much more.

Everyday I learn a new way to deal with this situation, but it feels like Hell.  He is going through so much with his training that feel like I can't be totally honest with him about how I am doing and feeling because he doesn't need that stress added on top of what he is already going through. If I were to unload all of my problems and feelings on him, he'd feel guilty for not being here and he would feel like he's responsible for making me feel this way and that is the last thing I want for him, although I'm sure that if he knew that I don't tell him everything he would be a little upset, becuase honesty is a big part of our relationship, but what's a girl to do?

I am a fourth year university student about to graduate with a double degree, and in order to be closer to him I have applied to more US post-graduate programs than I have to Canadian Universities, all in hopes that I will get into a US university and it might make it  a little easier for us to be together.

My family is not supportive of my relationship, they believe I should find a "good Canadian boy"  they oppose the military and the work that the military does and so I feel like I have no one to help me through this.

 I really hope this gets easier, although I know the road ahead has extreme training, grueling tasks, breaking points and deployments.  I know our love is strong enough to get through this, but that doesn't mean that it's easy. 

charliegurl charliegurl 18-21, F 39 Responses Dec 3, 2007

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Yall will make it! ;0)

Charlie, I feel for you. My boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half before he left for basic and every day that he's gone feels like he's taken my heart and sanity with him. Its good to know that someone else has been experiencing the same situation as me and you know what they say, strength comes in numbers. I just want to let you knwo that you're not alone, and there's plenty of us out there, waiting for our men to come home safely. I hope your boyfriend comes home soon, God bless.
-Just another Army Gf

would enjoy finding woman in sierra vista area to jerk off in front of

I'm going through the exact same thing right now. I'm a junior at Indiana University and my boyfriend just left for training yesterday. Although this is extremely hard for me, I'm just trying to be strong because I know that he's coming back eventually. I know that it'll make it easier for him if I'm happy so the best thing we can do is support our soldiers, be strong, and be happy. Write tons of letters.. make sure that when they get letters he always receives one, and that they are supportive and loving. He'll love that. Best of luck to all of us.

My fiancé just left for Korea. It does get easier.. First week is always the hardest for me, the VERY first time he left the first month was extremely hard. This website really helps. I'd be more than glad to listen if you ever need to talk, us army significant others have to stick together. And I know what you mean about family not supporting, my dad hates my fiancé.

I completely understand how you feel, my boyfriend just left for basic training on Monday and when we was waiting for the bus to come pick him up, I called him, when I know I shouldnt have, while I was crying. I know I made it worse for him and I wish I hadn't. I have anxiety and I have panic attacks when I get really anxious. These symptoms have amplified so much since he has been gone and I keep spontaneously crying through out the day. But, if we really do love our boyfriends, we can get through this. This might make you feel better:

The day before my boyfriend left he said to me:
"I think we are going to be together for a very long time, years and years and years. And in 30 years when we are old and sick of each other, you will be wishing so bad that I could go back to Basic Training"

I thought that was pretty funny..

But in reality, if you guys are meant to be together, then this is only just a very short chapter in your lives together. Just keep your head up and take on day at a time. Try and find new hobbies and activities to keep you busy (I am taking up Zumba). We can get through this together :)

Hey, I can relate to this soo much apart from I'm from the uk! My bf is almost finished his first 6 weeks and I'm so excited that hel be home soon the only thing is that il only see for 2 days then I won't see him for another 8weeks which a long time to me anyway. I must admit though during the 3rd week him being gone I was about to end it and never look back but then I realised how hard that would be and how I'd totally regret it! Yes it's so difficult waiting for him to come home but the distance and time has made me appreciate and love him that little bit more. I'd rather wait months without seeing him for just a short but special time to see him at the end! I respect and understand all you army partners & family because I am from an army family x

Hey there!<br />
m Canadian too and my BF is American and we have been together for a year and a half.. When I read your post I thought maybe I had written it in my sleep becasue it's so close to me.<br />
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He just found out he is getting stationed in Italy...not sure how to feel about that. There are a whole new set of challenges. He also might be getting deployed soon so stuggling every day. Where in Canada are you? i'm in Vancouver he is in Oklahoma now waiting to find out if he is going to ranger scool next or a deployment before Italy. It sure would be nice to have someone who knows what it's like. None of my friends can relate!

Been with an army guy (nie my husband) for 4 years now. It gets easier once you embrace the fact that you'llbe spending ALOT of time by yourself. Been through 2 deployments and this last one really messed with his head. But back to your situation, its a lifestyle and if you really love him then you shouldn't worry about all the other things. Its a lonely life but can be happy at times. Think about it before you gt married though and accomplish everything you want to do before commuting to marriage. And I hope you like to travel because chances are he will be getting sent to another ba<x>se every 2-4 years. Good luck!

It is A hard life that us military girlfriends have no doubt! but the guys need us to tell them that we are always here & that they have our Support, Love, Faithfullness, & that we are devoted to them. We can't make them worry too much about us even though we cry our eyes out at night & sometimes cant get out of bed due to worrying sick about them. But thats why usgirls have eachother here :) Any time you neeed to talk message me!

Its so nice to know that other girls are experiencing the pain and stress that i'm dealing with! Well not nice exactly, cuz i wouldn't with these feelings on anyone, but its nice to know i'm not alone. Thank you for your post, it made my day. Carry on everyone and we will stay strong for them

I know exactly how you feel. It is so hard when the one person you want to talk to about whats going on in your life is the person you are worried about putting more pressure on. I've been dating a soldier for a year and a half, and we're about to go into our first deployment together. This lifestyle is incredibly tough, but it isn't impossible. I'm not from a military family either, so it is a new experience for me as well. Just know that I'm here for you if you ever need to talk! Just shoot me a message!

hi i have fiance who is in a deployment. the stress of getting money to help him go home is too much. i am still raising $3500 to send him .pls help

i totally understand the whole i dont know which is easier not talking to him or hearing his voice.<br />
they are both hard. honestly it is easier for me not hearing from him. i worry but hearing his voice say i love you makes my heart ache it makes me miss him so much more. ill hang up the phone and crave more time to talk to him which frustrates me.<br />
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i feel like i can totally relate to everything you say (well except being canadian hah)<br />
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i understand how it is that your willing to do anything to be closer to him and i hope that everyhting works out.<br />
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if you ever need to talk or vent just hit me up

Wow reading this sounded exactly like me and my boyfriend. My boyfriend was in Basic the summer of 2010 so it's fairly new. He just got back from AIT in September. I'm npt going to sugar coat it and tell you that it gets easier. It never really gets easier but when you do have some experience in them being gone. You learn what to do to make the time go by faster. What I did was hung out with friends and tried to have fun. Surround yourself with people who will just listen to you when you feel like this. Stay positive, and remember one more day without them, means one more day closer to them :) hope all works out for you.

You took the words right out of my mouth. I hold so much in and keep so much from him because I dont want to add to his stress and I dont want to waste the little time we have to talk, talking about me. He told me today that talking to him about things isnt selfish, that it is more selfish to keep my feelings from him. I dont know what to do though. He only says that because he has no idea what is going on in this pregnant emotional head of mine. I would like to tell you it gets easier. Everyone keeps saying it does but as some things get easier for me, others get harder. I dont think I will ever not feel empty until he is home with us again.

I definitely understand how your feeling. i have wanted to tell my boyfriend how I feel about everything but, at the same time I dont want to stress him out anymore than he already is. He already feels guilty because i was raped a month ago. and he wasnt here. I am trying to piece myself together. I have told him numerous times that it is not his fault. Huh the things we go through I think there should be army spouse medals.

life is never easy first off.<br />
2end i had to smile as i read your story, sometimes i get up and ready for wrok and as im drving down the road i think of what my moring would hve been like if greg was not deployed, i get that pain in my chest to, and i often cry tears of joy thinking about how happy we would be waking up next to each other. One time he just so happend to call when i was crying an missing him, he laughed at me, i was so hurt bt he thought it was the most adorable thing that i missed him so much i was litterly crying, he felt so important as he tried to calm me down and then we laughed to gether, from then on he was a little more honest about his feelings to, he often would tell me he teared up so badly that night just from looking at my pics or how he couldnt wait to go to bed to dream of me, and one day he had the worst day ever cause someone woke up in the middle of his dream of us kissing :)<br />
my family is also none suportive, and where they want you to find a good canadin boy mine want a good christain boy, greg is a christain just not holy enough for their liking and my parents hate the militry. I also want to jion but do not know if it is worth the addintion tension with my parents.. juat hang in there, i know it sounds weird but njoy missing im, not very many people shair that strong bound and take their realtionships for granted, honesty is the best thing in a realtionship so hold on to that, and good luck with getting into the us... it would be good for you to do it now verse later

I am in the military and so is my boyfriend. No it is not easy....it never will be, but know that he misses you just as much and that every morning when you wake up you are one day closer to seeing him again

im goin threw it too girl

Like you i am also in a relationship with a soldier and i know as well what you are going through. we have been together for awhile, but now we live in seperate states, so in a way i know what you are going through. my family doesnt support our relationship either so i also have no back up or support. im sorry to hear that you are going through this but it does get better and if you do need anyone to talk to just shoot me an email im always ready to listin to a friend in need.

Beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing. I find that I dont even know nor do I want to really think much about how I'm feeling. But your story has greatly helped me better put my feelings into words. I hope this makes you feel better, knowing that you're helping people & touching lives of women that somewhat feel what you're going through. Please feel part of this unit of army families, praying for you! Thank you again, so much, for sharing!

I totally feel you on this.. I am dating a american soldier and have been for almost a year.. I live 2500 miles away in Canada.. we got engaged on May7th and he deployed at the end of may to Iraq.. Its only been 2 months and I miss him so much it freaking HURTS right down to my toes.. Ive never shed so many tears in my life.. I have a great group of family and friends but they have NO idea what this is like I appreciate them telling me it will be ok.. with the occasional I dont think you will be able to do this.. but for the most part its positive remarks. I feel SO alone and lonely. And i Dont want to whine to him on how I feel because the last thing he needs on his mind is that...even though our entire relationship has been a long distance one this is TOTALLY different.. I use to be able to talk to him anytime I want. make plans for one of us to fly and see the other.. we never went longer then 2mths apart.. Now I find myself sitting by the phone everyday at 230 waiting to see if he will call, checking FB and my email 10000's of times a day even tho he told me the internet connection is absolutely horrible.. I try to keep busy but my mind just always keeps going back to us.. I knew it was going to be hard but not this hard.. I thought we would have the opportunity to Skype once in a while or IM each other but I guess not...I just hope and pray it somehow gets easier.. Im so worried we will lose touch.. he is the love of my life with out a doubt <3

I feel the same way girl! When i get those phone calls or emails or the lucky days he gets on facebook and we chat it makes me so happy, then the next day when I don't get them I get so sad and miss him so much.<br />
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I don't know if he ever gets on FB or AIM (I almost prefer it) because!! I save the conversations so the days where I don't get to talk to him I can just read them over and remember the last time we spoke how much he loves me and how much he means to me and vice versa! <br />
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Stay Strong :)

Hey, wow, this sounds so much like tony and I. We've discussed marriage so the army would work with him so we could actually stay together but marriage scares us both. (Both of our families were divorced and angry about it) Anyways, Tony actually leaves for boot camp in less than a month... I'm getting an ulcer thinking about it.

I was an Army girlfriend for 4 years and it sucked. Actually, the first year wasn't so bad, but as soon as he was commissioned he became an instant *******, he thought he had a license to lie, judge and control.

I know how you are feeling; it's good that you found a place to vent about them.!<br />
My boyfriend is almost through his AIT and is finding the Medic program harder than he expected. I feel like when I do get a phone call from him I need to keep him positive and to keep him feeling like he will do and reminding him how proud of him I am instead of how sad and lonely I am.<br />
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Just remember that when its all said and done, this will only make your relationship stronger.

Thanks for your posts. My guy left in late December for Afghanistan. At first we had lots of Skype dates and we exchanged packages but lately he's been quiet and non-responsive to my e-mails and Skype notes. I had not heard from him in like 2 weeks then he responded to an e-mail from me yesterday. Basically, he said he was busy, tired and focused. He wasn't very excited, no I love you's or anything. I read that in combat settings some guys become non-responsive. I know that he worries about me but he cannot do anything about it sooooo I think he's just trying to work and focus. I am turning my worry and insecurities about his lack of enthusiasm into motivation to do things I need to do for myself like finish school. It's hard but , I've got to tough it out.

Thanks for your posts. My guy left in late December for Afghanistan. At first we had lots of Skype dates and we exchanged packages but lately he's been quiet and non-responsive to my e-mails and Skype notes. I had not heard from him in like 2 weeks then he responded to an e-mail from me yesterday. Basically, he said he was busy, tired and focused. He wasn't very excited, no I love you's or anything. I read that in combat settings some guys become non-responsive. I know that he worries about me but he cannot do anything about it sooooo I think he's just trying to work and focus. I am turning my worry and insecurities about his lack of enthusiasm into motivation to do things I need to do for myself like finish school. It's hard but , I've got to tough it out.

This is my first experience and this is so hard. I haven’t heard from Chris in almost 2 weeks .. I am at the verge of tears right now. We haven't known each other long and I don’t know his family. He is from SC and I am from AZ. I meet him here when he was in Sierra Vista. I keep rereading the last messages he sent me to keep me going. He is supposed to be retiring soon. And in October he said he was due to come back next month. God forbid any thing happens to him but if something dose how will I ever know?? Theres no one to tell me. I am having a really hard time right now. And no one to talk to that could even begin to understand what I am going through. I am 43 yrs old and I have never felt this way for any of my ex's. The love I feel for him is like nothing I have ever experienced before. He is truly my addiction. I am more then hooked.. God help me.. I have to stop and take a deep breath and breathe<br />
What a crazy beautiful experance... I know I will make it through this..

This is my first experience and this is so hard. I haven’t heard from Chris in almost 2 weeks .. I am at the verge of tears right now. We haven't known each other long and I don’t know his family. He is from SC and I am from AZ. I meet him here when he was in Sierra Vista. I keep rereading the last messages he sent me to keep me going. He is supposed to be retiring soon. And in October he said he was due to come back next month. God forbid any thing happens to him but if something dose how will I ever know?? Theres no one to tell me. I am having a really hard time right now. And no one to talk to that could even begin to understand what I am going through. I am 43 yrs old and I have never felt this way for any of my ex's. The love I feel for him is like nothing I have ever experienced before. He is truly my addiction. I am more then hooked.. God help me.. I have to stop and take a deep breath and breathe<br />
What a crazy beautiful experance... I know I will make it through this..

I am going through the same thing and I'm feeling so many of the same things you do. I read our emails, IM conversations all the time just to feel connected to him. It is riping my heart out slowly day by day but I love him so much and we've only got five more months until he is coming home. If you ever want to chat or commiserate with someone who completely understands how you feel, I am here and would love to talk to someone who gets me as well. Hang tough sister!

I know how every1 feels with there bf being away on training or a long deployment. I been seeing my bf for 7mths now and last week he left for ranger school. I am so lonely and trying to occupy my time by going to gym and work. I am ok during the day but @ night is when I really miss him the most or even when I dont have nothing to do like now. To make even more harder my bf is Station in Alaska and Im in US, so IDK how this long distance is going work. Im scared and I feel like I just need someone closer to me like a compaionship. Idk how we are going see each other its so expensive and I feel like we putting our life on hold. I am 26 and he is 23 which means I can do it but then again IDK.

I cant go to sleep. Thats why I am awake now 11:43pm I stay up every night and try to find things to make me tired because if I dont I lay there and think for hours. I feel so alone this is my first deployment and the closest I have ever been to any man in my life. I think it is the hardest thing I have ever done. I would never ever cheat on him but when all of these girl talk about how they think military girlfriends that cheat or have made a mistake are such ******* they have absolutely no freakin clue. they have no clue how much we think about them, how we lay there at night and wish we could lay with them, when we go out with our friends we are always the third wheel, and when you want to kiss your boyfriend you cant. I dont agree with girls cheating but honestly no girl means for that to happen. I know this has nothing to do with anything you guys are talking about but just something i wanted to get off my chest. I heard some girl talking the other day and she just has no clue how hard it is to be with out them. We all love our boyfriends and go through so freakin much its crazy. Germany has made me nuts because I always hear about how his friends are having sex with all of the girls and his friend told me how some girl was hitting on my boyfriend and she got jelous because some other girl was talkin to him. (HELLO BUT NOONE SHOULD BE JELOUS BUT HIS GIRLFRIEND) I have been going crazy. I know he didnt do anything but some of those guys are just terrible. He reasured me and reminded me who he calls every day and every night after he goes out but at the same time makes me think of how disrespectful German girls are to us American Military Girlfriends and Wifes it makes me so mad and I am so upset. None of my friends understand becasue they have never put effort into something like this and to hear that some random girl who doesnt think and thinks they have no family or life in america and for her to just come and want to try and take something from me thats the most special piece of my hear makes me want to cry for years. I am so hurt by this, he knows and understand I told him how I feel and he said that hes not going out anymore with those guys and then he told me hes the last boyfriend I will ever have. It reasures me but at the same time my stomach is turning like a massive hurricane. I am so stressed and never thought I would be so happy for him to be deployed but I cant wait for him to get out of Germany. I love him so much and that country makes me sick. This is what I am left to think about at night because of some careless girls that see a guy with dogtags around his neck. That guy with the dog tags around his neck is my boyfriend and the most special thing I have and love with all of my heart. Has anyone had something happen close to this?

I feel the same exact way i dont want to tell him how him being gone is taking a toll on me. I know he has so much other things going on and he feels horrible already for leaving me his family and his son behind. He tells me how much he misses everyone and that hes down because he has been thinking about all of us at home. When i see him on skype and hes laying down all i can think about is laying right next to him. My parents dont aprove of me being with him either. I know exactly how you feel but sadly i have no advice for you because i am in the same boat. What i do is try to keep myself as busy as i can but at night when i lay down to go to sleep for some reason i stay up so late thinking about him and get barley any sleep anymore. Just know he loves you and think about when he comes home how happy you will be and will be able to get a second first kiss from im again and have him be in your arms after so long that image and day is stuck in my head and thats how i get through the days.

i know how you feel my bf of 6 monthes now left for basic in october. i as well am sorry to hear your family doesnt support you. but i do know how you feel. it is bery hard my bf says he wants me to tell him anything but at the same time i also tend to keep things to myself because i dont want to stress him anymore than he is i know keeping things from him is wrong but i find ways to handle it on my own or sweep it aside and forget about it if i can.if you or anyone else ever need to talk hit me up. and good luck ladies i know as well as any of you it is very hard to be an army gf.

I can totally relate to keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself because you dont want to bring him down. He will only feel like a bad boyfriend, even if you are only saying you are confused or even a little lonely. He cant help and he doesnt know how and he just feels terrible. So sometimes you keep your thoughts to yourself, and its for the best. And though he doesnt want to hear our problems, if he knew we kept things he would feel bad too. They dont want that, but its the way of the army world. I found it helpful to casually bring up that I felt he didnt understand how hard it was for me and that sometimes I find ways to deal alone, but it is also important for me to include him in on my thoughts. he agreed and said he didnt want me to shield him from anything. So I will continue to keep some things to myself ;) because I know thats whats best. It might not seem like the right and or even happy thing to do but I feel like it just needs to be that way, unfortunately.

Hey, I totally feel your pain! My boyfriend is in Ranger School now and we cn't talk at all, it sucks. I don't know when he will be deployed (he hasnt yet) but I think it will be within the next year. It is soo hard being an army gf!

My boyfriend is going to ranger school right out of basic.. They can't talk at all?? :/

That does sound really hard. I kinda know how you feel. I am sorry as well that your family doesnt support you. When my bf was deployed in Iraq, people tried to talk me into dating someone else. They just couldnt understand that I wanted to still be with him, and that I want to wait for him even though I was miserable from missing him so much. It is really hard. But we made it through and our love is stronger than ever. If you or anyone else needs to talk, I am here. Just send me a message.

Hi!<br />
I am in a relationship with an army soldier also!<br />
I know how difficult it can be! I can totally relate to your experience!<br />
I know how hard it is to find support or even understanding!<br />
I'm sorry to hear your family is not encouraging of your relationship because it sounds like you truly love him!<br />
If you ever need to talk more, shoot me an e-mail! Take care!

feeling the same way! luckily i'm going to visit my boyfriend in ft hood in 2 days! i cant wait but its still hard. i find myself struggling to get through days without him and losing my desire to go out and enjoy myself

hey i'm going through the exact same thing except i live in the UK. me and my boyfriend were together for 2 and a half years and he left for basic training 2 months ago. How long is the contract in the US?<br />
x

four to six years depending on what he signed up for but assuming the went with a full on regular enlistment then his contract is only for four years.