I Hope This Gets Easier
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and half, it has been the most wonderful 18 months of my life!. As soon as we met I knew there was something special about him!!! 5 months ago he joined the US military.... (I am Canadian, he is American). We talked about it before he joined up and given his situation we thought that this would be the best road for him to take, and I thought this would be easier to go through, to deal with, there are things that have come up that I never imagined. I don't come from a military family so this is all brand new to me, I knew the military would "own" him for the duration of his contract, but there are rules and regualtions that I never could have dreamed of!!
It's not that I don't love him enough to stand by his side..metaphorically speaking, as a great amount of distance seperates us....the distance kind of helps because I dont' expect to see him or hear from him because I know that he is far away and that what he is doing requires undivided attention in order for him to qualify in the field that he is trying out for. But some days I almost wonder if I love him to much because nothing that I do has meaning without him here, some days I struggle just to get through the day. I miss him so much that sometimes I get chest pains just thinking about him.
I can't decide which is worse, the weeks on end of not hearing from him or the days that I do get a phone call from him because hearing his voice on the other end of the phone just reminds me of why he is not here. 30sec phone calls saying "I love you, and I'm ok" give me the strength I need to get through until his next phonecall, but on the other hand they just make me miss him that much more.
Everyday I learn a new way to deal with this situation, but it feels like Hell. He is going through so much with his training that feel like I can't be totally honest with him about how I am doing and feeling because he doesn't need that stress added on top of what he is already going through. If I were to unload all of my problems and feelings on him, he'd feel guilty for not being here and he would feel like he's responsible for making me feel this way and that is the last thing I want for him, although I'm sure that if he knew that I don't tell him everything he would be a little upset, becuase honesty is a big part of our relationship, but what's a girl to do?
I am a fourth year university student about to graduate with a double degree, and in order to be closer to him I have applied to more US post-graduate programs than I have to Canadian Universities, all in hopes that I will get into a US university and it might make it a little easier for us to be together.
My family is not supportive of my relationship, they believe I should find a "good Canadian boy" they oppose the military and the work that the military does and so I feel like I have no one to help me through this.
I really hope this gets easier, although I know the road ahead has extreme training, grueling tasks, breaking points and deployments. I know our love is strong enough to get through this, but that doesn't mean that it's easy.