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I Hope This Gets Easier

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and half, it has been the most wonderful 18 months of my life!.  As soon as we met I knew there was something special about him!!! 5 months ago he joined the US military.... (I am Canadian, he is American).  We talked about it before he joined up and given his situation we thought that this would be the best road for him to take, and I thought this would be easier to go through, to deal with, there are things that have come up that I never imagined.  I don't come from a military family so this is all brand new to me, I knew the military would "own" him for the duration of his contract, but there are rules and regualtions that I never could have dreamed of!! 

It's not that I don't love him enough to stand by his side..metaphorically speaking, as a great amount of distance seperates us....the distance kind of helps because I dont' expect to see him or hear from him because I know that he is far away and that what he is doing requires undivided attention in order for him to qualify in the field that he is trying out for.  But some days I almost wonder if I love him to much because nothing that I do has meaning without him here, some days I struggle just to get through the day.  I miss him so much that sometimes I get chest pains just thinking about him. 

I can't decide which is worse, the weeks on end of not hearing from him or the days that I do get a phone call from him because hearing his voice on the other end of the phone just reminds me of why he is not here.   30sec phone calls saying "I love you, and I'm ok"  give me the strength I need to get through until his next phonecall,  but on the other hand they just make me miss him that much more.

Everyday I learn a new way to deal with this situation, but it feels like Hell.  He is going through so much with his training that feel like I can't be totally honest with him about how I am doing and feeling because he doesn't need that stress added on top of what he is already going through. If I were to unload all of my problems and feelings on him, he'd feel guilty for not being here and he would feel like he's responsible for making me feel this way and that is the last thing I want for him, although I'm sure that if he knew that I don't tell him everything he would be a little upset, becuase honesty is a big part of our relationship, but what's a girl to do?

I am a fourth year university student about to graduate with a double degree, and in order to be closer to him I have applied to more US post-graduate programs than I have to Canadian Universities, all in hopes that I will get into a US university and it might make it  a little easier for us to be together.

My family is not supportive of my relationship, they believe I should find a "good Canadian boy"  they oppose the military and the work that the military does and so I feel like I have no one to help me through this.

 I really hope this gets easier, although I know the road ahead has extreme training, grueling tasks, breaking points and deployments.  I know our love is strong enough to get through this, but that doesn't mean that it's easy. 

charliegurl charliegurl 21-25, F 39 Responses Dec 3, 2007

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I know how every1 feels with there bf being away on training or a long deployment. I been seeing my bf for 7mths now and last week he left for ranger school. I am so lonely and trying to occupy my time by going to gym and work. I am ok during the day but @ night is when I really miss him the most or even when I dont have nothing to do like now. To make even more harder my bf is Station in Alaska and Im in US, so IDK how this long distance is going work. Im scared and I feel like I just need someone closer to me like a compaionship. Idk how we are going see each other its so expensive and I feel like we putting our life on hold. I am 26 and he is 23 which means I can do it but then again IDK.

I cant go to sleep. Thats why I am awake now 11:43pm I stay up every night and try to find things to make me tired because if I dont I lay there and think for hours. I feel so alone this is my first deployment and the closest I have ever been to any man in my life. I think it is the hardest thing I have ever done. I would never ever cheat on him but when all of these girl talk about how they think military girlfriends that cheat or have made a mistake are such ******* they have absolutely no freakin clue. they have no clue how much we think about them, how we lay there at night and wish we could lay with them, when we go out with our friends we are always the third wheel, and when you want to kiss your boyfriend you cant. I dont agree with girls cheating but honestly no girl means for that to happen. I know this has nothing to do with anything you guys are talking about but just something i wanted to get off my chest. I heard some girl talking the other day and she just has no clue how hard it is to be with out them. We all love our boyfriends and go through so freakin much its crazy. Germany has made me nuts because I always hear about how his friends are having sex with all of the girls and his friend told me how some girl was hitting on my boyfriend and she got jelous because some other girl was talkin to him. (HELLO BUT NOONE SHOULD BE JELOUS BUT HIS GIRLFRIEND) I have been going crazy. I know he didnt do anything but some of those guys are just terrible. He reasured me and reminded me who he calls every day and every night after he goes out but at the same time makes me think of how disrespectful German girls are to us American Military Girlfriends and Wifes it makes me so mad and I am so upset. None of my friends understand becasue they have never put effort into something like this and to hear that some random girl who doesnt think and thinks they have no family or life in america and for her to just come and want to try and take something from me thats the most special piece of my hear makes me want to cry for years. I am so hurt by this, he knows and understand I told him how I feel and he said that hes not going out anymore with those guys and then he told me hes the last boyfriend I will ever have. It reasures me but at the same time my stomach is turning like a massive hurricane. I am so stressed and never thought I would be so happy for him to be deployed but I cant wait for him to get out of Germany. I love him so much and that country makes me sick. This is what I am left to think about at night because of some careless girls that see a guy with dogtags around his neck. That guy with the dog tags around his neck is my boyfriend and the most special thing I have and love with all of my heart. Has anyone had something happen close to this?

I feel the same exact way i dont want to tell him how him being gone is taking a toll on me. I know he has so much other things going on and he feels horrible already for leaving me his family and his son behind. He tells me how much he misses everyone and that hes down because he has been thinking about all of us at home. When i see him on skype and hes laying down all i can think about is laying right next to him. My parents dont aprove of me being with him either. I know exactly how you feel but sadly i have no advice for you because i am in the same boat. What i do is try to keep myself as busy as i can but at night when i lay down to go to sleep for some reason i stay up so late thinking about him and get barley any sleep anymore. Just know he loves you and think about when he comes home how happy you will be and will be able to get a second first kiss from im again and have him be in your arms after so long that image and day is stuck in my head and thats how i get through the days.

i know how you feel my bf of 6 monthes now left for basic in october. i as well am sorry to hear your family doesnt support you. but i do know how you feel. it is bery hard my bf says he wants me to tell him anything but at the same time i also tend to keep things to myself because i dont want to stress him anymore than he is i know keeping things from him is wrong but i find ways to handle it on my own or sweep it aside and forget about it if i can.if you or anyone else ever need to talk hit me up. and good luck ladies i know as well as any of you it is very hard to be an army gf.

I can totally relate to keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself because you dont want to bring him down. He will only feel like a bad boyfriend, even if you are only saying you are confused or even a little lonely. He cant help and he doesnt know how and he just feels terrible. So sometimes you keep your thoughts to yourself, and its for the best. And though he doesnt want to hear our problems, if he knew we kept things he would feel bad too. They dont want that, but its the way of the army world. I found it helpful to casually bring up that I felt he didnt understand how hard it was for me and that sometimes I find ways to deal alone, but it is also important for me to include him in on my thoughts. he agreed and said he didnt want me to shield him from anything. So I will continue to keep some things to myself ;) because I know thats whats best. It might not seem like the right and or even happy thing to do but I feel like it just needs to be that way, unfortunately.

Hey, I totally feel your pain! My boyfriend is in Ranger School now and we cn't talk at all, it sucks. I don't know when he will be deployed (he hasnt yet) but I think it will be within the next year. It is soo hard being an army gf!

My boyfriend is going to ranger school right out of basic.. They can't talk at all?? :/

That does sound really hard. I kinda know how you feel. I am sorry as well that your family doesnt support you. When my bf was deployed in Iraq, people tried to talk me into dating someone else. They just couldnt understand that I wanted to still be with him, and that I want to wait for him even though I was miserable from missing him so much. It is really hard. But we made it through and our love is stronger than ever. If you or anyone else needs to talk, I am here. Just send me a message.

Hi!

I am in a relationship with an army soldier also!

I know how difficult it can be! I can totally relate to your experience!

I know how hard it is to find support or even understanding!

I'm sorry to hear your family is not encouraging of your relationship because it sounds like you truly love him!

If you ever need to talk more, shoot me an e-mail! Take care!

feeling the same way! luckily i'm going to visit my boyfriend in ft hood in 2 days! i cant wait but its still hard. i find myself struggling to get through days without him and losing my desire to go out and enjoy myself

hey i'm going through the exact same thing except i live in the UK. me and my boyfriend were together for 2 and a half years and he left for basic training 2 months ago. How long is the contract in the US?

x

four to six years depending on what he signed up for but assuming the went with a full on regular enlistment then his contract is only for four years.