Post

I Need To Vent Or Im Going To Explode!!!.....

Well as you may know i have had a lot of trouble with my soldiers family... they were horrible to me and said some really nasty and hurtful things!

For some strange reason the last week or so before my soldier was deployed his family were really really nice, before this they refused to even acknowledge our engagement and made it clear they didnt like me or my daughter (she is only 3). Well during the last couple of weeks before his deployment they were really really nice, even spoke about what they were going to get us for an engagement present! I had my suspisions and i even told me soldier that i thought it was too good to be true! I WAS RIGHT!!!!

Today i spoke to my soldiers mum as i was supposed to be going to his family's house for dinner tonight but she told me that her and his family were p*#^d off because i had spoken to him more than what they had!!! AAARRRRGGGHHHH How is that my fault????

She said that she didnt think it was fair because she loves him "unconditionally" and i dont! WTF
She said that his younger brother (13) and sister (16) are angry because he had spoken to my daughter (3) and only spoken to them once!!!!

My daughter is really confused at the moment about what is going on and keeps asking if he is gone or if he is ever coming back! Every man that has been in her life (except my dad) has walked away from her and she needed to hear from him that he is coming back home to us!!

I cant believe im in the bad books again already, he hasnt even been gone a week yet!!!
I suppose i expected it to happen but i cant believe it happened so quickly!!! IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAD and my soldier is hopefully calling me tonight and i dont know if i should mention anything to him... i know he is going to ask why i didnt go to his parents house for dinner!

I would REALLY appreciate some advice ladies......
inlovewithanaussiesoldier inlovewithanaussiesoldier 22-25, F 4 Responses Jun 9, 2010

Your Response

Cancel

Thanks ladies, i spoke to my soldier on the phone last night and told him exactly what had happened! He was very disappointed but didnt seem surprised! When he finished talking to me he rang them and spoke to all of them! Apparently he told his mum that he had only spoken to me a couple of times when really he had spoken to me 4 times!!! <br />
I dont know why he has to lie! why cant he just stand up to her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
Apparently it made her feel better and now she isnt so mad at me but it is based on a lie!<br />
I have had a few heart-to-hearts with his mum in the past and it seems to go ok and she is nice for a week or two and then goes back to her same old self! My soldier is very close to his family and i hate the fact that he has to play piggy in the middle everytime but i dont know what else to do!!! <br />
If he wasnt so close to them then i wouldnt even bother talking to them at all! <br />
We went through a stage a few months ago where he would only go and see his family on his own and it just caused more arguements! <br />
AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so frustrating<br />
My family have welcomed him with open arms and love him very much but his family despises me and i dont think that will ever change! :(

I know how you feel!!!! My boyfriend's family is absolutely awful to me too! He isn't deployed yet, but I've been fearing what will happen right before he leaves and while he's gone. They live in another state so we never really have to have any contact, but it's definitely something I worry about. And they got mad that he talked to me more than he did to them while he was in training, just like your fiance's family. But as shannylee said, of course he's going to talk to you more than them! You're the person he's marrying soon, and his loyalties are shifting from them to you. Yes, they'll always be his family and he will always be loyal to them, but the depth of it changes when he gets married. It's a huge change in his life that REQUIRES him to be closer to his wife than to his family. It's what's supposed to happen. I know that you know this, but his family definitely needs to realize this. It's something I don't think my boyfriend's family will ever understand...so I definitely know that there are some parents and families out there that are just difficult and you can't get logical sense into their head no matter how hard you try. They will just try to be controlling no matter what. <br />
All you can do is keep trying. You don't want anything to be able to be turned around onto you and them say that you've done anything bad to them. Definitely talk to him about it - don't make it a huge deal, but just mention what they've said, why they're mad, stuff like that. And any efforts you make with them to make the relationship better, tell him about them too. While my boyfriend was in training, he told me to let him know every single thing I did to try to make an effort with his family, so that he could keep them accountable. If your fiance is like my boyfriend, he's very close with his family and what they say has a lot of influence on them. So if you don't tell him things, they're just going to tell him bad things about you and he'll only have their one, skewed, side of the story. He's also gotta help you out in the situation. He needs to talk to them about what they're doing to you and tell them that that's not ok with him, because you're the woman that he loves and has chosen to marry, and they need to get on board with that no matter how they feel.<br />
Have you had a talk with them about what they're doing to you? If not, I think you should talk to them about how what they're doing is making you feel and let them know that you don't appreciate it and won't stand for it. Explain to them why it is logical that he'll talk to you more than to them, and they shouldn't be mad at you for that or treat you like crap.<br />
Ugh...I hate difficult families who are just out to sabotage a relationship. I definitely know what you're going through on that front, so if you ever want to talk about it or vent or anything, send me a message. Sorry this was so long...but I feel like you and I are going through pretty much the exact same thing with this family thing. Praying for you, you will get through this and it will be ok. Good luck with everything!

okay, inlaws will always be just that inlaws and not blood related...ignore what their saying about you and focus on your man, dont focus on them, if they want to hurt you thats their problem, and they need to get over it, you love whom you choose to love, their just looking for a target to attack.. of course your gonna talk to him more your his fiance, what do they expect? lol i know for a fact that jake stays in contact with me more then his parents..

Wow this is a tough situation girl. I would mention something to your guy so he's not out of the loop. As for his family, I would just try to stick it out. Maybe take his mom out for lunch, just the two of you and discuss how you feel and show her you intentions are good ones! Good luck girlie! Message me if you need to talk, families can be pretty crazy. Keep your head up!