Waiting On A Call To Prove I'm Not Alone...

Well ladies it has definitely been a while since I have posted anything. Today I just feel like crying and venting. J has been gone since the 1st of January which is a long time when you don't think of it as military time. I have been feeling so mentally and emotionally weak. Last Thursday one of my friends died. He overdosed. It kills me inside because for so long I was helping him but we slowly started growing apart. He was studying to become an EMT, he had a few girlfriends, and he seemed happy. I hadn't talked to him in a few weeks because I have been busy working and everything. I had been thinking about him recently but just never got around to giving him a call. I feel like I wasn't a good friend. I wasn't there for him in his time of need. And now he is gone. On top of all of that J has been in the field for the past 2 weeks so I don't really know how he is. He is suppose to come home sometime in March but he keeps saying it all depends on when his female friend gets married... To me he is putting too much importance on the wedding that he isn't even in. He didn't even invite me. The girl to too friendly. She has all of these little nicknames for him that irritate me to no end. I don't care that she is getting married. That doesn't change the fact that she is just a little too friendly. I told J that I have been planning a little vacation to the beach when he comes home. He said great but it all depends on that wedding. Am I missing something? I'm positive that he isn't the groom so why is there so much importance to it? He always says she is odd and even if she wasn't with someone he wouldn't be interested in her... I just don't understand. It isn't fair. I save more than half of my paycheck for the trip even though there are a lot of things that I want to buy myself. I wish he was here and not overseas. Today I'm just saying "**** it."
JplusK JplusK
18-21, F
Jul 25, 2010