Overthinking

Before I left to study abroad in London Josh came home to surprise me, to say bye and see you later. I was thrilled that he would come home just for my good bye party. Later, my friend Sarah said, "You're taking this well. I would've been pissed to find out that he's been home since Thursday and waited until Saturday to see you, taking into account that you guys see each other maybe once every three months." That thought didn't occur to me at all...It had me thinking, "Why am I always the one wanting to see him ASAP?" Because it sure doesn't seem like he wants to see me right away. I thought through it to try to understand and tried to pretend I didn't hear Sarah's comment. I know he's a family guy and is very religious. So he probably wanted to spend time with his family and church people since he didn't get a chance to last time. I also know, he never gets enough sleep at West Point. No one there really does. So maybe he was just catching up on sleep.......

All reasonable and most likely true statements... but I couldn't help but get a little mad every time I replayed Sarah's comment. The last thing that I ever want to do is be mad at Josh. I guess you can say I'm just jealous. He's busy and I've learned to accept the fact that he can't always be there, and that I'm not the only person that he cares for in his life. Josh has always been a family man, and I can't stop him from being who he is. However.. my evil conscience says, "He's had 18 years to be around his family.... you've only had one or two days every few months for the past year." Is it selfish of me to think that? I really have known him since freshmen year of high school, but we didn't start going out until the end of senior year after prom---a month before boot camp started.

He was supposed to come home around 1pm this past Friday. I texted him, "When can I see you?" Never got a reply. He's sooo bad at answering his phone. (Usually when he's at West Point his phone is off so I get a voicemail, which is why I send a text so he would receive it the next time he turns on his phone.) I didn't get an answer all day. Then I started thinking, "He's not going to answer this, like how he didn't answer my million other facebook messages while I was over in Europe." (Some Ghana jerk, while I was in France, was rude enough to grab my *** with my immediate reaction being a smack. I was so upset about it that I had to tell Josh but he never replied back. Another time, I was upset about something different and asked Josh if I could just talk to him online because I didn't have enough minutes on my international phone to call him. He never replied back.) At first I was kinda upset that I even got myself thinking that much into it. I wanted to talk to my friend Kyle about it, but then thought, 'Maybe you're overthinking. Just let it go for now.' And I did...

Saturday came and I got a missed call from Josh while I was at work. I called him back during my break and he said that he was sorry he didn't answer any of my texts because he got home around 6 or 7pm and was ridiculously tired so he passed out in his parents' bed since his room didn't have A/C. He was sleeping from 7pm Friday night to 11am when he called me--that's how tired he was. At this point I thought to myself, 'Thu, you really were overthinking. You should stop." I laughed at myself a little. He asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with him that night and if we could go for a walk before heading out to dinner. Of course I will ! After getting off work and checking my email as I usually do, I get a facebook message from him saying, "Sorry Thu. I got this too late. (referring to the message when I really wanted to talk to him online while I was in London)." Later that day during our walk, I was telling him stories from London. I asked if he got my message about the guy in France. He did and said that he thought it was completely wrong of the guy to do that. But I still wonder why he didn't reply back to the message? I guess there's nothing you can really say or do about it. I honestly don't even know why I wrote this anymore but I'm posting it up anyway. Overthinking stinks.
thuAy2219 thuAy2219
18-21
2 Responses Jul 26, 2010

it's nice to know that i'm not the only one. it really does drive you insane lol

Im in the same boat as you right now! its kinda hard to accept the fact that your boyfriend cant txt you when he wants to or write back as soon as you send it! I hate it! I find myself overthinking all the time and usual he's just really busy. Overythinking does suck because you sit and you think about every possible solution to why they're not talking to you!! its enough to drive you insane!