Persistence Emotions And Love.

After having watching dear John at least 10 times over the last month.I am officially not watching it anymore,that movie just does not end well and it reminds me of my wait and the fact that i'm alone.My relationship is wonderful but i still feel alone having to rationalize my life without him.I would take seeing him on the weekends over not seeing him at all.I start school on the 23rd of August and feel like i can count every minute second and waking moment that i'm without him.I feel that my tears will never stop and i forever will be a weepy mess of loneliness.
I am a strong person but i'm stronger with him.I had to tell myself that the separation for Ait and school is like a prelude to a deployment,that if i cannot cope with the now,what will it be like when he is deployed.Nothing in life can prepare you from being away from the person you love,time management is key,but i always feel and know whats missing no matter what i do.I spent the weekend with my friends trying to have fun,but i looked at my phone 1000 all day waiting on texts and find myself texting all day talking on the phone all night and being consumed with being there for Robert it allows me little time for anything else but to ponder on when i don't hear his voice or don't get emails texts and calls and to wonder if it even makes any sense us being apart while we still have control over it.
The only good thing i can take from dear john as a quote is "Eventually time runs out" i have to take that statement as something positive because i wont be waiting forever or be alone forever,but it's still a daily struggle ,not for my commitment to him but the grief of not being physically near.I have it really bad,i thought of going on a trip to see him but cant afford it with school coming up,so i have to wait till Labor day which feels like years away,im getting really tired of my life without him.We are engaged and i feel like i have nothing to ever look foward to without him.I feel everyday is just the same as the next that nothing interests me except thinking of him.I lose sleep and i keep telling myself i need to be strong.Strength and patience comes from tribulations and struggle but im at the point where i dont want to deal with it anymore.Especially thinking of school no Robert being alone living on campus not knowing anyone doing a had program being in debt, working and all the time apart,its driving me crazy.Sorry to vent but just had to get it out.
I do want to have a good job and a career but struggling to adjust i need help.Any suggestions?
robandjen robandjen
Jul 26, 2010