Jus An Update..

so today rays mom got a letter in the mail that said open immediatly....we all got a real scare out of it..thinking it might b deployment orders..luckly it wasnt....but ya..i was still a bit worried when she told me..he came home in june on block leave from the 16th thru the 22nd nd i hve to say the 22nd was the worst day of like...my entire life...this summer hasnt been a good one for me...my parents are getting divorced and its rele ugly...i got in to a huuuuuge fight with my best frend becuz she was upset that i put "ray before her" my deal was tht hes 1700 miles away and i see him 2 times a yr...its not like ive evr ditched her for him or not tlkd to her cuz of him...neway....when he was home..it was amazing...i felt needed and i felt loved...and he...he was my prince...ik that sounds cheesy but its true...one day he evn saved me...like..things were gettn bad with my dad and he jus got me outta there....so i didnt get to go with to take him to the airport...i cried all day and literally laid on the couch without moving for 6 and a half hours...i feel so dumb for having done that...but like..i rele dont remember much....

now  he is getting chaptered out...and while i wnt him home..i...idk...i guess i feel like im a hoooorrible gf if i say im happy that hes getting kickd out....ik that if hes home for good that is going to make some things alot harder..like...not having sex until we are married which he plans to have happen b4 im 21 :))) i rele dont want to have a kid while im still n highschool or college...and i jus dont know wats going to happen...with not bn able to tlk to my best frend i feel a bit overwhelmed at times...i feel like i have no one to tlk to and ray and i have been fighting a bit more ever since he wnt back....

theres this girl on his post who likes him and she keeps like following him around and calling him all the time and stuff and that rele makes me jelous...i hate to find out that im the jelous type....but i guess maybe i just am...then theres nicole.....wow.....nicole...where to start....

nicole is rays frend..they met online in some chat room and have been tlking ever since...like this was b4 me and him were evn together...they have nevr met and she has told him straight to his face that she likes him...well thru a txt neway....she told him one time that if they couldnt b more than frens she didnt wnna tlk to him at all nemore...he moped around about that for like a week or so and i told him that if he liked her so much maybe he should jus b with her instead of me...he went off but i jus..idk that was the way i felt..then she started talking to him again and told him one night that she thought she had a lump in her breast....he said "maybe you should get a 2nd opinion on that" she got mad and yet again quit talking to him..this was about 3 months ago....well she had jus met a guy and was going out on her first date with him not long after she got mad at ray....she recently txtd him and said she was marrying the guy....

on their honeymoon his ex showed up and he cheated on nicole wiht her.....she went back to her moms and left the rings on the table in her hotel room....now ray is one on the only ppl she will tlk to and her mom keeps telling him how much nicole talks about him and this and that....which i am ok wiht...i mean im not her biggest fan but ik that that has got to suck so im not going to b a total jerk about it.....but....he and i were on the phone..the last night we would get to talk at all for an entire week and he gets off the phone wiht me to call her.....i was upset...i cried and he got pissd...basically kept implying that i was bn a jerk for getting mad when he was tryin to help her...maybe i am a jerk..but...
i dont think im that pretty...i tend to not believe that i am worth much..if nething at all. so i tend to think that since im not pretty and im nt all that amazing...y should he want to b with me..and evn tho i think this..i dnt want him to leave...with the relationships ive seen...whos to say that he will stic around...

he keeps telling me im beautiful and all this...but ....i jus cant belive it...i jus cant...and .... he says im the only one for him..but my uncle said that to my aunt too...he was inthe army and on a surprise visit she caught him in bed with another woman....i jus....i feel like if it can happen to ppl who are pretty and skinny and...beautiful..y shouldnt it happen to me..

he should b coming home soon and he says that i have a surprise coming soon i always love his surprises..i guess i jus needed to vent....i rle dont have neone to tlk to nemore...wat with us fighting more often and stuff....i dont know how to make that stop and i dont know hw to convince myself that im worthy of him either...blah...i need some sleep....

night world. 
romerosbaby romerosbaby
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 30, 2010

mpalmer7 : so...i had to think of how to respond to you...lol..its nothing bad..i jus...you gave me alot to think about<br />
First, ik she needs to chill..nd ive tried talking to her about it...a couple other frends took her side and now i feel like i have no one to tlk to about it...like...my internet is very tempermental so i cnt jus get on here and tlk to someone whenever i want..i rely on txting..and even though her nd i r talking again..i avoid the subject of him with her cuz i dont wnt to get in another fight.<br />
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second, he dont talk to her more than me..he jus got off the phone with me once to talk to her..and although it did cause prlly the second worst fight weve been in we are over it now..and i rele hope more problems dnt arise becuz of it or nething else involving her...i rele dont want to bcome the person who is jelous everytime he tlks to another girl cuz 99% of his frends are girls..and my parents are getting divorced bcuz of trust issues...im scared that that will happen to us.<br />
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last, im getting there...evn Ray would tell you that im getting better aout it. i think that i am pretty and sometimes....sometimes maybe im beautiful. he says that when hes home he will make me believe it. and ik that i like hearing it..so ya.. :)<br />
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i usually dont hold nething n unless i feel like it will make life harder for him and both try to share EVERYTHING...i rele hope that this relationship works out and i feel confident that it will..he wants to purpose to me after i graduate high school..he says somtime b4 im 22....but other than that he says nothing...weve talkd about marriage...and life after...he knws that he wants kids and ik that i do too but we both know that we are going to wait untill we are ready. we are going to wait untill im out of college and until we at least have some savings ready for it...we know it will b alot of work and we want to b ready...<br />
my parents think that i wont even get engaged till im out of college and im a little nervous about wat they will say whenthe time actually comes...but thats for a diff time i guess. :)<br />
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good point about that surprise too..im suuuuper excited for it and i could always use someone to talk to....so again..thanks. : )

thank u both =)<br />
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kylesgrl92 : he's getting chaptered out for a pt failure... in the unit he's with, after u fail two consequtive pt tests, it's regulation to chapter out for "failure to meet the standards"... he's been in a year but is very ready to come home, even to the point of turning down retake tests... i hope he's home rele soon =)

When my boyfriend joined, I hoped and hoped and hoped he would get kicked out because his eyesight was too bad or something. It never happened, but I wanted it to so much. We all want our men back. <br />
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First of all, your friend who says you always put Ray first needs to chill out. He is important to you, just like she is. Only you miss him right now because he's gone. <br />
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Second, I would be pretty mad if my boyfriend were talking to some other chick more than he talked to me. It sucks that such a bad thing happened to her, but that doesn't mean that she now has the right to take all of his attention. He is, however, the person who keeps giving her that attention, so that's his issue as well. At a point you have to know that your girlfriend comes first and then your female friends come after. You can't help what he does, but you can tell him how it makes you feel in a calm and logical way and see if he comes to his senses.<br />
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Lastly, your boyfriend thinks you're beautiful. He obviously does if he takes the time to tell you. YOU have to see yourself as beautiful. You are beautiful. If you don't see yourself that way, then no one else is going to. Putting yourself down is uglier than any physical feature you have. Be comfortable in your skin and own who you are. You don't have to look like other girls. You're unique and your boyfriend saw something in you that other girls didn't have. You deserve his attention and his respect, so believe that you do. Let him know that you believe you do, but don't be rude or condescending. <br />
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Guys are simple and straightforward. It doesn't do any good to hold your feelings inside and hope that he understands them one day. Tell him how certain things make you feel, and give him a clear picture of what you want. Distance puts stress on even the best relationships, and most of this pressure is probably just stemming from the distance. If your relationship doesn't work out in the end, at least if you're straightforward you will know the reason that it didn't work out. <br />
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I wish the best of luck to you, though. And, hey, it can't be too bad if he has a surprise for you ;)<br />
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Let me know if you need someone to talk to. I have instant messaging services so I can talk if you need it.