My Biggest Fear, For Now

so My boyfriend left for basic on Tuesday. yesterday was his first real day, so for me that meant the first day in our almost 2 year relationship that we haven't talked. so that leaves me with a lot of spare time to think. The thing I'm most afraid of now is that he'll change. everyone keeps telling me he's going to come back a different person. Not the boy I said good bye to, but a grown man. so does that mean his love for me will change too. I'm 18, but I sure haven't grown up yet, could he care for me the same way and is this the end of all of our fun and immature times and jokes we share. or is he going to be to serious for me now, is he going to come back a completely different person and I'll lose the man I feel in love with..... How much different do they come back? has anybodies boyfriend changed their mind and moved on when they came back ( even if you were sure it was perfect) I'm defiantly a ball of nerves now. one of my good friends bf left about a month ago and she doesn't have the same worries... am I crazy for wondering? and the next time I get to talk to him should I tell him about it or hide it, to make it easier for him while he's going through basic, cause that's hard enough without worrying about me. He knows I'll be here for him when he comes home no matter what, but is he still going to want me to be.... help?
nikkistemm nikkistemm
18-21
7 Responses Aug 8, 2010

I was worried about the same thing. My boyfriend will be coming home in less than 2 weeks and he is the same when we talk and write on the phone. Your boyfriend might actually come home loving you more than when he left. And it gets better once you get closer to the day he gets home. The letters and phone calls are what gets me through. Stay strong.

i am going thru the same thing. he seems like he has changed for the better in his letters. but, i am very scared how he will act when he gets back. i guess in september i'll find out but it is my biggest fear, and then if he doesn't change in basic, when if he changes when he gets stationed in december?!

I think every situation is different. Some guys might change a lot, some a little, some not so much. My boyfriend is nearing the end of basic this month and from his phone calls and letters, he sounds pretty much like the exact same guy I said goodbye to. Some things will be different about him, and he will have training and experiences that you may not understand. He will use weird army terms but I'm sure he will still be the same guy. If anything, his experience has probably made his love for you stronger and he gets to see that you can be strong for him and are willing to stick by his side. (Because we all know if you can do this, you can do pretty much anything!) Everybody changes throughout life, we're just usually around these people so the change is gradual and we don't notice it so much. You have 2 years of being together so that should hopefully give you some security. You probably know almost everything about him and that is good for this situation. Hope this helps!

My love graduated basic a couple weeks ago. he used 2 b wound alittle tightly. the army loosened him up, actually. one thing that is very important is communication though. if something's bothing u, u need 2 let it out. NEVER hide ur emotions.

I served for 13 years. The training can be traumatic at first. The DI's yell and get in your face. They break you down mentally and physically. There is no where to go so you are forced to deal with it.<br />
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He will come back changed. He made it through probably the hardest challenge he ever had to face. He may not do everything he once did as he now has restrictions placed upon him by another set of laws. The military code of justice (UCMJ). If he gets into trouble he can pay a sever price for the indiscretion.<br />
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His feelings for you won't change. He will want you more if anything. All the guys around him are telling him to toughen up and push through. At night they talk of home and women. Then they get a restless sleep as they deal with sore muscles and the stress.<br />
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He will want to show you what he has learned. He is a warrior and able to protect you like he was unable to before. He can provide a decent life because has access to a stable paycheck and a place to live. Resources he might not have had or thought were adequate. <br />
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The military is a hard place. It can be unforgiving for those who serve and those who are related to it. His changes will constantly happen as he gets more training.<br />
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What will ground him is you. His feelings for you won't waver. You have to remain strong for him. His life is at the hands of others. He has no choice as to what he does. He does what he is told, how he told to do it. Choice does not enter until he gets much higher in rank.<br />
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He now must balance his life between you and his job. If he doesn't he risks loss of rank, restriction, jail, or dishonorable discharge which can permanently screw with his life.<br />
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Next he will deal with where he get stationed and how to keep you. He won't know where he is going until he finishes his school. The length of that depends on what his specialty is.<br />
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This isn't meant to depress you but it is the reality of the military. Much of this isn't known until you are in it. It can be a good life, but only if you understand the rules.<br />
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He will be different. It doesn't mean he loves you less. His outlook on life has changed. Not his feelings.

My boyfriend isn't in basic, but Afganistan. From my experience, it is true that they grow up. My boyfriend has become more responsible and has realized what is TRUELY important to him in life. His love for me has not changed, just become more mature (?) i guess. I'm not really sure how to explain that. If its really worrying you, then you should talk to him about it now instead of hiding it until a later time like when he is deployed (IF he gets deployed). Hope this helps calm your nerves some (:

I'm in the same exact boat, my boyfriend left almost a week ago for basic, and I worry the same things all the time ]: I wish I could be more helpful. I told my boyfriend how I felt and everything, and he told me that he worries that I won't still want him when he returns (which is absurd). It was good to get it out in the open though..