Things Are Turning Around??

Hey ladies,
Well, it's been about a month since I wrote anything on here...and it was to tell you that my boyfriend and I had broken up.  But now...I don't know what's happening, but something's changing.  Thought I would give a little update and ask for any advice that's out there...
It was a rather nasty break-up, not in the sense that anything that bad really happened, but he just decided that he had a bunch of problems with little things that he never told me he had problems with, and then by the time he could tell me about them, they had been built up in his head for so long and they became huge issues to him...he didn't want to talk them out or anything, he just attacked me with them all at once and wouldn't listen to me.  He said he "needed some space to get over it," whatever that means.  I tried to talk to him a couple days later, because he so badly misunderstood some of the things that he thought I felt or thought and I just thought we should talk about them.  But all he could tell me was to stop calling him, and that he was done with this relationship and wanted space to get over it.  So I stopped.  And we haven't talked since then.  But then last week, I decided to send him a letter.  It wasn't to beg him to reconsider or anything...I did it mainly for me.  I was so mad at myself for leaving so many things unsaid and I knew that if I didn't tell him them now, I would spend the rest of my life wishing I had.  I had to know that I did everything possible to try to save us, because he really was the love of my life and the person I was convinced I was going to marry.  I had to know that I did everything I could, and if he could still make the same decision after he knew the truth about everything, then I would be fine, and I could move on more easily, and at least feel good about myself that I did everything I could, and I would have no regrets.
Well, I emailed the letter to him last weekend and I didn't really expect a response.  But I got one...and he had read the letter.  All he said in the response was that he wanted to let me know he got the letter and read it a couple times and was thinking about everything.  He didn't want me to think he was totally ignoring it, just give him some time.  Pretty much the most ambiguous response he could have ever given me, but whatever.  I didn't know what to make of it, but I figured that if I heard from him soon, he would tell me what he was thinking, and if I didn't hear from him soon, I would know what he was thinking.  He's about to leave to go to Fort Polk for training for a month, and I knew that if he was reconsidering things, he wouldn't let himself go off for a month without talking to me.  I was hoping for a phone call, but not expecting one.
Well, last night, I get a text message from him, just saying "What are you doing this weekend?"  I was like, what the crap, you don't speak to me for over a month and you open with "What are you doing this weekend?"  So finally I just asked him why and he said he wanted to talk about my letter.  He said we shouldn't talk that night because he had been drinking and one of his buddies had really gotten him in an irritated mood, but we could either talk on the phone today or if I didn't have anything planned for the weekend, I could fly up to see him and we could talk in person.  I fly for free, so that wouldn't be a big deal money-wise or anything, and it would be pretty easy to do.  But I just don't know what to do.  He said that he wanted to talk about what I said in my letter (I just told him how much I really did want to marry him, but that I had been so stressed out with things going on in my own life during the past month that I couldn't make that clear to him...I showed him way too much of how difficult of a time I was having adjusting to army life, and not enough of the side of me that was adjusting well to it and starting to get excited about it...and that even though I had told him that this was our last chance since we've been together a few times and he has left me, that I knew now how much I loved him and wanted to be with him, and I could never give up on us.)  He said he wanted to see if I really meant it, and he wanted to see it in my eyes or hear it in my voice, that his mind was being pulled in a million directions and he wants to be able to express what he feels in his heart.  I told him that depending on how I thought it would go, I might consider flying up to talk to him, because if I think he's just going to tell me the same things he told me a month ago, I won't, but if I think we could have a civilized conversation and he'd be nice, I might consider it.  He said the latter was way more likely.  He said that the time has really changed his heart, and he had been thinking about things before I even sent the letter.  He said he doesn't know exactly where he stands right now with everything and wants to sit down and have a serious conversation about it all.
So...I don't know what to do.  I mean, in a normal situation, there is no way that I would just up and fly to Kansas to see him just to talk after the way he's treated me over the past month.  But this isn't a normal situation...he leaves tomorrow night and I won't get to talk to him for a month.  And I absolutely hate serious conversations like this over the phone...they're just so much easier and better in person.  Part of me wants to go just because I've wanted to talk to him for so long, and because I want to be able to see what he's thinking, in how he acts and in his eyes and stuff.  Girls, you know what I'm talking about, right?  There's just something about an in-person conversation that beats a phone conversation any day, especially on serious topics like this.  But on the other hand, HE's the one who's treated me like crap, and now HE feels like talking, so I'M supposed to fly to see HIM just because HE'S ready to talk now, when HE didn't want to talk when I wanted to??  I don't want to make him think that I'm just going to jump when he says bark, because I do have respect for myself...but then again, this isn't a normal situation.  And we don't have a lot of time to take this as slowly as it probably needs to go, because even after he gets back from Fort Polk, he deploys a few months later.  So.....I just don't know what to do.  I know that if I go see him, it will be very awkward, and I don't know how to handle that moment when I see him for the first time.  I just don't know.  Such a dilemma...does it make any sense at all?
Anyway, I just had to get all this off my chest, and update everyone to what's going on.  Things seem to be improving, because at least he's talking to me now.  But I don't know where or how it's going to go.  And I don't know what I should do about going to see him or not...having this conversation on the phone today or flying up there today, he said he would get me a room tonight if I stayed, and leaving tomorrow before he leaves for training.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh, I don't know what to do!!  Any advice??
UnconditionallyHis UnconditionallyHis
22-25, F
4 Responses Aug 14, 2010

Thanks for the responses, girls! He and I texted back and forth a lot today trying to figure out what the best thing to do would be. I didn't want it to seem like I would just jump whenever he snapped his fingers, because he's going to have a lot of work to do too. Going today and spending the whole weekend just didn't seem like a good idea...he just texted me last night, after not speaking to me for 5 weeks, so I just couldn't bring myself to just hop on a plane the very next day to see him and spend the whole weekend with him. Especially since we would have to figure out somewhere for me to stay...he said he would get me a room, but 1. I didn't want him to have to spend his money for somewhere for me to stay and 2. I didn't really want to stay somewhere by myself and I knew that it would probably end up with him staying with me wherever it was...and I don't know, after everything that's happened, I just didn't think it would be the smartest thing for us to spend a night together at this point in time...I know we would probably get carried away with emotions and being happy to see each other and things might get physical, and...yeah...I just didn't want that to happen. That could be really bad for us right now, and I want to be able to say that I'm really looking out for myself in this situation. <br />
So, I told him that we could talk tonight on the phone, and depending on how that goes, I might fly up there in the morning to just spend the day, and then come back that night. They're not leaving until 1AM on Monday morning, so he doesn't have to be back till late Sunday night. That way, I could still see him and we could get more accomplished face-to-face than we would just on the phone, and he'll still see that I'm putting in the effort into flying up to see him...but the awkwardness and everything of spending the whole weekend would be gone, he would save some money, and I can still say that I have my pride and dignity and self-respect by not just jumping up and going up there as soon as he called. <br />
Anyway, thanks again for the responses. I really appreciate them:) I have no idea what I'm getting into with this, but I really hope it all goes well.

go see him,!

I would say to go see him too. especially if you fly for free. because it would be at not a big cost to you except maybe your pride at going on his terms. but sometimes that just what you have to do if you love someone. especially if he's going off for a month and yall won't be able to talk. its good that he wants to talk it out though, even if he says he doesn't know where he stands. This is a good step at least. I think you should go. And i really really hope that it goes well and yall can work everything out. good luck girl! :)

i say go see him. you said that you wanted to make sure you did everything you could to save your relationship with him. so if you dont go, you might regret it. you never know, this could be the thing to save it. and if you don't go see him, he might take it as you not being serious about making things work between you two. if you go it will show that you really are serious about it. i hope that makes sense and i hope it helps :) good luck