Love Has No Boundaries, No Barriers, No DistanceMy boyfriend and I have been together for almost eight months. Five of those eight months have seen our relationship defying normal standards of love. My boyfriend is in the army and I am a freshman at college in a sorority. Seemingly these two identities cannot coexist. I am supposed to be busy spending my days concentrating on studying and my nights worrilessly partying; he is supposed to be valiently focused on only his training while spending his time off living out his youth, drinking too much and approaching love wrecklessly. We are not like these stereotypes though. Not at all. We never have been. We never will be.
I've always been way too obsessed with love. I'd give anyone a chance as long as they could make me laugh or think. To give you an idea of what I'm getting at, when I first met my boyfriend Zach, I was in a relationship with a former drug dealer, current pothead, and constant failure that went to the local community college. I spent way too much time on him because I thought there was more to him than his destructive habits. I wanted to save him from himself. Not surprisingly, I didn't. I was always trying to force someone into some glamourous role in an excessively elaborate story that I'd construct in my mind. Although I didn't realize it at the time, Zach was the first person I'd ever met that I didn't have to endow with the qualities I wanted. He had them on his own.
I met him at a mutual friend's birthday party where he was pretending to be an announcer of an ongoing game of beer pong. He was so silly. He made me laugh so effortlessly. It was easy to talk to him. It was the perfect first encounter. I didn't think anything of it. The next day, he signed his contract for a commitment of six years to the United States Army.
As I became closer to his tightknit group of friends, me and Zach began meeting on random occasions. Then the meetings became planned. His persistance was unfaltering. Not long after, I broke up with my waste of a boyfriend because it was becoming impossible to pretend it was what I wanted when it was easy to see I had just found it. We started dating a week before senior prom even though we already had dates and other obligations. Zach and I always ignored obstructions like that. We fell in love even though he'd ship out for basic training in less than three months.
The time we spent together before he left was amazing. It'd be impossible to describe the impact it made on me. Zach shook my world up. He took all my preconceived ideas on love and shattered them. I was scared out of my mind. He created that fear and also absolved it. Loving him was never an option. He made sure of that. Not forcefully, but gently. I didn't stand a chance.
That is our past. This is our present. Less than twelve hours ago, Zach just left our hometown to go back to Fort Gordon. He had been home on leave for two weeks. I feel like I'll never adjust to the changing roles I have to play across changing distances. I'm the rock he depends on, I'm the scapegoat of the regret of a lost carefree youth, I'm the cause of added stress, I'm the love of his life.
I suppose every relationship struggles with this constant changing, but I feel like ours is so much harder. How many people in love have had to write letters to each other for two months as the only source of contact? That was our two months while he was in basic. Now that he's in AIT, we have more luxeries, but we still miss out on so much that couples take for granted. While my friends plan out intimate and romantic dates with their boyfriends, I charge my phone to talk on the phone with mine. While others can rely on a quiet night in with their love after a bad day, I learn to hit the gym or read a good book. I can't talk to him whenever I want. I can't hold him whenever I need him. I can't kiss him. I can't hug him. I can't even hold his hand. Despite how strongly I feel connected to him by my immeasurable love, I am alone in actuality. It's the loneliest kind of love possible.
I know I'm young, but I know I will never love anybody the way I love him. I feel like I'm nothing without him. My life is tied to my love.
Having an army boyfriend is impossibly difficult to face. If anybody feels the way I do, in the slightest way, I am here for you. It's one of the situations that is only understandable through experience. I am so glad I've found a place to share it. I'd love to hear your story too. =)
ClareTheresa 22-25, F 95 Responses 37 Jan 4, 2008