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Love Has No Boundaries, No Barriers, No Distance

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost eight months. Five of those eight months have seen our relationship defying normal standards of love. My boyfriend is in the army and I am a freshman at college in a sorority. Seemingly these two identities cannot coexist. I am supposed to be busy spending my days concentrating on studying and my nights worrilessly partying; he is supposed to be valiently focused on only his training while spending his time off living out his youth, drinking too much and approaching love wrecklessly. We are not like these stereotypes though. Not at all. We never have been. We never will be.

I've always been way too obsessed with love. I'd give anyone a chance as long as they could make me laugh or think. To give you an idea of what I'm getting at, when I first met my boyfriend Zach, I was in a relationship with a former drug dealer, current pothead, and constant failure that went to the local community college. I spent way too much time on him because I thought there was more to him than his destructive habits. I wanted to save him from himself. Not surprisingly, I didn't. I was always trying to force someone into some glamourous role in an excessively elaborate story that I'd construct in my mind. Although I didn't realize it at the time, Zach was the first person I'd ever met that I didn't have to endow with the qualities I wanted. He had them on his own.

I met him at a mutual friend's birthday party where he was pretending to be an announcer of an ongoing game of beer pong. He was so silly. He made me laugh so effortlessly. It was easy to talk to him. It was the perfect first encounter. I didn't think anything of it. The next day, he signed his contract for a commitment of six years to the United States Army.

As I became closer to his tightknit group of friends, me and Zach began meeting on random occasions. Then the meetings became planned. His persistance was unfaltering. Not long after, I broke up with my waste of a boyfriend because it was becoming impossible to pretend it was what I wanted when it was easy to see I had just found it. We started dating a week before senior prom even though we already had dates and other obligations. Zach and I always ignored obstructions like that. We fell in love even though he'd ship out for basic training in less than three months.

The time we spent together before he left was amazing. It'd be impossible to describe the impact it made on me. Zach shook my world up. He took all my preconceived ideas on love and shattered them. I was scared out of my mind. He created that fear and also absolved it. Loving him was never an option. He made sure of that. Not forcefully, but gently. I didn't stand a chance.

That is our past. This is our present. Less than twelve hours ago, Zach just left our hometown to go back to Fort Gordon. He had been home on leave for two weeks. I feel like I'll never adjust to the changing roles I have to play across changing distances. I'm the rock he depends on, I'm the scapegoat of the regret of a lost carefree youth, I'm the cause of added stress, I'm the love of his life.

I suppose every relationship struggles with this constant changing, but I feel like ours is so much harder. How many people in love have had to write letters to each other for two months as the only source of contact? That was our two months while he was in basic. Now that he's in AIT, we have more luxeries, but we still miss out on so much that couples take for granted. While my friends plan out intimate and romantic dates with their boyfriends, I charge my phone to talk on the phone with mine. While others can rely on a quiet night in with their love after a bad day, I learn to hit the gym or read a good book. I can't talk to him whenever I want. I can't hold him whenever I need him. I can't kiss him. I can't hug him. I can't even hold his hand. Despite how strongly I feel connected to him by my immeasurable love, I am alone in actuality. It's the loneliest kind of love possible.

I know I'm young, but I know I will never love anybody the way I love him. I feel like I'm nothing without him. My life is tied to my love.

Having an army boyfriend is impossibly difficult to face. If anybody feels the way I do, in the slightest way, I am here for you. It's one of the situations that is only understandable through experience. I am so glad I've found a place to share it. I'd love to hear your story too. =)
ClareTheresa ClareTheresa 22-25, F 96 Responses Jan 4, 2008

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that's how i felt right now.. i cried a lot last night, because i thought that i was just his past time.. actually, we met if we have a spare time to each other, but if we can't i always keep on touch with him.. he said that "he loves me" but most of the time i'm with him, he lot of text mate that he entertain and i felt like i was just a dummy on his side..

i am still enduring this situation for me to overcome this circumstances that we had.. i am still hoping that it will work out into good.

I'm going through the same thing also. It's so hard, but we all have to hang in there and have faith that things will get better.

I see that your post is from quite a while ago. I'm going through a very similar situation now, but my relationship didn't start until after he was stationed in Korea for a year. He's half way through, mind I ask how your relationship is going?

Wow your story is amazing. I can relate to that in sooo many ways. My boyfriend and I have been together 6 months and he just enlisted a few weeks ago. Like you, I have always been that person to try and see the best in people, not even noticing that some of those relationships were toxic. Thank you for sharing your story. Now I don't feel so alone in the world. :)

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months, going on 6. We've known each other for 9 years. It's not the easiest thing to take on and I'm glad I found somewhere where people can relate. ❤

OMG finally I feel slight relief. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 7 months but we met in college so I have known him about 5 years now. He is leaving to go to a training for four months then coming back home, but may possibly leave again for six months. I dont know what to do or how to feel. Im lost without him and he is not only my boyfriend but my bestfriend. I am sad because I have to go on as if it doesnt bother me when truth is I have been stressing over it the last four months. He leaves in two weeks so now I really feel the depression has set in

Finally...i dnt feel like im alone... Ive been with my boyfriend for 7 months now. We are both seniors in high school so he hasn't left for basic training yet...but im so scared. I've had countless sleepless nights..I've cried so many times. It would be really awesome to have someone to talk to who understands my situation...

Reading all of these stories make me feel so much better about my situation...but they are also good preparation for the future. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two months, and his past is not one that has a lot of happy moments in it, but he's been stationed close by to my college for about 4 months now and he loves it here. Being a college freshman i was "supposed" to start dating someone in my classes and hangout in dorm rooms, go to football games, etc... but now i'm finding myself taking train rides or cabs to base so I can spend my weekends with him while we're both so busy during the week. it's hard explaining all of this to my friends who don't understand the military and have all these preconceived notions about guys who are in the military, and it breaks my heart that they are so wary about giving him a chance. I love Nick and for some reason he loves me too, and that makes all the difference in the world. I can't imagine him getting deployed, but when that time comes I know I'll be as supportive as possible for the future he's creating for himself. I'm scared of loosing him to the military though, i'm scared of what all of this pressure might do to him and if he will change because of it. He talks about defending our country and the people he loves, but I still struggle with the idea of him killing someone. I'm so proud of everything he's accomplished, the rank he has, and the plans he hopes to achieve, but it's hard sometimes feeling like I come in second place.

I feel like I can't call myself an "Army Girlfriend" because I've only been with my boyfriend for a total of about 6 months, and he hasn't been deployed yet. Also, he was already in the military when we met.

However, the struggles are still very real. My boyfriend is in Special Forces medic training and it is extremely time consuming and intense. I am also a freshman in college, so we only get to see each other on the weekends and holidays, IF that. I know that not getting to talk to him much during the week or seeing him on only the weekend doesn't compare to the fear of girls whose men are on deployment and face peril every waking moment, but it's still hard. And its even harder to think that it might be me sooner than I am ready to acknowledge. I feel very empty when he leaves me Sunday evening. And talking about the future is hard. I like to pretend we are both keeping it light and going with the flow, but I am very much in love with him and I know that he loves me too. I can't imagine what I will do once he graduates. I am extremely proud of him, so much that it makes my heart ache. But I'm also terrified for him.

It never gets easier, we just learn to cope better. So what are some coping strategies you girls have found?

I am in a very similar situation. My boyfriend and I were together for about a year before he left. He told me he was joining the Army the night after I graduated high school. I will never forget it. A couple months after, I went to college and the next March, he left for combined basic training and AIT for 4 months... it was so hard but 4 months doesn't seem so long now that I'm about to face a 9 month deployment in March. I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world.. I'm really scared for his deployment but right now I'm just focusing on seeing him at Thanksgiving... hopefully :(

I know just how you feel! My boyfriend of about 10 months was gone for a month, came home for three days and is gone again for another two weeks. I am also a freshman in college and my boyfriend is starting his last year in school. After he graduates he will be going into active duty. He wants to make a career out of the army. <br />
I've been known to be able to handle the long distance so far but lately it has been getting harder. I try my best to let my boyfriend know I am doing just fine, but it gets so hard at times. I will never admit that to him though, I don't want him worrying while he's gone. It is nice to know I have someone going through the same situation, all we can do is stay strong.

beyond just inspiring! reading this really makes me feel lucky to have the man i have. i've always been proud to say im an Army girlfriend, or at the time future soldier girlfriend, but now im looking at things completely different. this is an amazing story. good luck with everything. our stories are similar and reading this made my day :) so thank you

Your story was very moving, i know how you feel because i have a similar one. my boyfriend and i have been dating over a year and 7 months into the relationship he signed on with the army, and one month ago a day after our 1 yr ann. he left for basic.we are high school sweethearts and i will be a freshman in college this fall. people dont really know that the kind of love we have for our boyfriends are different,equally loving but 50 times more challenging. i hope things worked out for you and i wish the same for myself. thanks for your inspiring story

This story is so perfect for just about any military relationship. We go through so much to be with the ones that we love. While "normal" relationships cherish the time they get to be alone we cherish every second we get to spend with our soldiers.

This is incredible. I hope you're in school for some sort of English or writing degree! we sound like we have a lot in common. I did the same thing wasting my time on potheads I thought I could fix with a little TLC. Wrong. They're usually douchebags for a reason. This is the first time I've ever been on this site, I just googled it and your story was the first one I read. My boyfriend of over two years and I are graduating in about a month, then he's shipping off to basic and following the career of an Airborne Ranger in October. It'd be great if we could connect in some way, if anything for moral support :)

I did not expect to find someones story so incredibly close to the one my boyfriend and I share. I can't express how everything you have said hit home... its so weird to think that I'm not alone in the world of being an ARMY girlfriend, since none of my friends at home really have any clue what I'm struggling with. The incredible highs I get from the love my boyfriend has for me but also the lows that I face everyday of missing him and longing to be by his side. <br />
<br />
I too had the drug dealer boyfriend, that I thought I could change, but recently just got out of jail. I am going to soon be a freshman in college. I know the struggles of down time to read, workout, take naps, and wait for a moment when he can call, or we can have a short Skype date, even though 8 other guys are in the room... I know the crying myself to sleep and worrying about everything possible that could happen to him. I've heard the stories of his friends cheating and believing with everything in me that he would never do that... I have recently had to accept the fact that he will be deployed in just a few months... I actually would love to talk more with you? Your story really hits home.

My story is so similar! My last boyfriend was someone who was hopelessly addicted to many things, yet I wanted so badly to "fix" him and bring out the good that I "knew" was there. Huge waste of time. Then I met my soldier. When there was nothing about him that needed fixing and I didn't have to beg him to stay sober for just one night, I was shocked. It is so amazing when you find a good man! I love him with all my heart! Good luck girl!

This is well-written and honest.<br />
I'm just an airman's girlfriend but I understand what you mean.<br />
People don't understand how different it is. :/<br />
You just deal with it. It's not a choice. It's not a burden. It's just something you MUST do.

Your story makes me feel so much better because of you can do it I know I can. I'm 17 years old and my boyfriend is being deployed to afghanistan sometime around April. It's so hard for me cause I see couples at my school so happy and in love. It makes me feel so lonely like I have no one & everyone tells me "aren't you scared", "I don't know how you can do it" It just makes me feel weak when I hear it. I wish that someday I could be okay enough not cry every time I think about him leaving me.

Wow, I am speechless. I really don't think I could have said this any better myself. Me and my boyfriend met the summer before my junior year of high school and he very quickly swept me off my feet. We became inseparable. We spent two straight years together falling even more in love with each other, but come the end of the summer after my senior year we were put to the ultimate test as far as I can see it. What to do now? I would be leaving for college 5 hours from our home town and two months later he was leaving for basic training. We knew it would be hard, but we also both knew it would be worth it if we kept ourselves together and mustered through. He left for basic in October and we, like you guys, could only communicate through written letters. I would check my mail box EVERY day and when those letters came those were the best days. It really helped me to appreciate the simple things we used to so often take for granted. He got his phone here and there for fifteen, twenty minutes at a time every couple of weeks and I really learned how much I appreciated just hearing him say I love you out loud. I saw him for a week and a half over Christmas break because they were given Exodus and saying good bye all over again was the hardest thing I had to do. With a month and a half left of training we were back to letters.<br />
My boyfriend graduates from basic training this Thursday and I finally get to go see him. All that separates us now is 3 days and a twenty hour car ride.<br />
Being the girlfriend of an army infantryman has been a roller coaster ride thus far, but hearing stories like yours are so uplifting. I know that Im not alone in these feelings. <br />
Seeing couples walking around holding hands on campus, or hearing about my friends date nights isn't always easy.. but we will just have to make things work our own way.<br />
We already have Valentines Day planned out. A movie date and hot chocolate on skype :) haha. Most of my friends think it's cheesy, but im sure you guys would understand.. I almost have to say that I enjoy the freshness of making things work our own way. Keeping our love alive on completely different sides of the country.<br />
The girlfriends of soldiers don't get enough credit in my opinion, so to those of you who are fighting this battle I want to say congratulations. The rewards truly are great<3

I just wanted to say that while I was reading this I thought you might have been talking about my life! I am now dating a soldier, he is in the middle of basic and before I met him I was with a drug addict, thought I was good for him and that I can change him. Like you said that wasn't the case! I finally realized he wasn't the one for me and I left him. A few months later I was at my best friends birthday party and her boyfriends friend was there, now he's my boyfriend and we've been together for a little over a year. I haven't talked to him since January 8th and miss him like crazy, I have gotten letters but there is nothing like being able to hear his voice and hold him. It's so crazy how similar our stories are, just thought i'd share!

Your story is very similar to mine, I always picked the bad boy to date, but after my last terrible break up I didn't want to date anymore but my friend convinced me that there is a guy out there so she and I decided to do online dating and I met my soldier online. I was in love with him after a very short time, although I've never actually been able to kiss my soldier but he comes home in May and I can't wait. We have been happily together for 4 months now, he keeps my picture in his pocket and his picture is on my phone, we are always together no matter the distance!

This paragraph from your story:<br />
<br />
<br />
"I suppose every relationship struggles with this constant changing, but I feel like ours is so much harder. How many people in love have had to write letters to each other for two months as the only source of contact? That was our two months while he was in basic. Now that he's in AIT, we have more luxeries, but we still miss out on so much that couples take for granted. While my friends plan out intimate and romantic dates with their boyfriends, I charge my phone to talk on the phone with mine. While others can rely on a quiet night in with their love after a bad day, I learn to hit the gym or read a good book. I can't talk to him whenever I want. I can't hold him whenever I need him. I can't kiss him. I can't hug him. I can't even hold his hand. Despite how strongly I feel connected to him by my immeasurable love, I am alone in actuality. It's the loneliest kind of love possible."<br />
<br />
is absolute perfection. I totally agree and empathize 110%

Thank you so much for posting this. First of all, you are a phenomenal writer. Your word choice and writing stye is absolutely captivating. Second, you perfectly described exactly how I feel about my boyfriend Justin. He's serving 3 years, and it will be 1 year since he left in a few weeks. Maybe it's because i'm new to these support groups, but I guess I didn't know that the way I'm feeling, and have been feeling the past year, is normal. Just knowing that there is at least someone who understands how I feel makes me feel a lot less alone.

YOU ARE Sweet. <br />
I dont know what your beliefs are but god will surely be taking care of you and your boyfriend. Dont forget your own words because i am 110 percent sure everyone who has made a comment here has felt the same way you have. You inspire lots of ppl.<br />
KEEP writing! (about your love, or best date with him or the best letter and all that stuff) you are really good at it! it might help you get your mind of the "day by day" without him and it might help some of us get distracted from our "day by day" with out him. :D <br />
Stay Strong.

Ive been in the army since 01 been married since 05 , 06-07 deployed ,08-10,drill sgt time you will not always have ample time to spend with your soldier and you two will miss each other allot ,your story is very nice to read and gives me hope for humanity keep on loveing cause its all we have <br />
<br />
take care ,<br />
Some guy

I am new to this site, I actually just found it while I was looking at civilian jobs. My bf and best friend of 10 months is leaving for basic training and AIT in November. I am scared out of my mind! We have been part long distance because I am away at school, but being only 4hrs away we get to see each other a lot. I feel kind of alone because I feel like none of my friends or family have any idea what I'm about to go through. I am really glad I found this site! :)

I always tell my boyfriend that the time apart is a small price to pay for what will be when he gets back. Months apart is not much if we will spend a lifetime together.

I loved your story. And you are a great writer! Everything is so true. And I know all the other army girlfriends will agree with me when I say I hate when girls cry cause they haven't seen their boyfriends in a week. We barley get to see ours, yet you don't see us complaining about it all day every day. Us girls gotta stick together.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months, and I'm only 16 and he's 18. I'm just starting 11th grade and he decides to go into National Guard so he can earn the income to buy me the luxuries he wants for us in the future: A big house in the country and an artist studio for me. He's told me all the time how much he loves me and he clearly wants to spoil me. Before he graduated highschool, he even said that my class ring would be replaced by his ring to me someday. Of course happy moments like that keep me in a good mood for at least a week or two. But if he gets accepted into National Guard (and he was born with only 1 kidney) it will worry me. Problem is, he said he would call me Sunday, which was yesterday, and tell me if he got in or not. It's now the next day, and he hasn't called me! <br />
How do I know if he made it or not? If he did, I won't know where he is, I can't call him, and I won't see him for 9 weeks! Our 1-year anniversary comes into play somewhere in those nine weeks and now I really don't know what to do.<br />
My friends are the only ones to keep me from thinking about him but school stress as a junior could really pack on the worries.<br />
Does anybody know how to deal with all of this?