Why Cant Gays Be Treated The Same As Everyone Else Does In The Army Or Military

Well I met my boyfriend about five years ago and he's in the Army and I really dont like how we are treated cause we are gay. He's been in the military for awhile now about 5 yearsare more and he loves it but doesnt love the fact he has to keep me a secert or hide the fact who he is. I just want alittle addvice on what maybe we could do it makes our relationship alittle harder and I need help. I wish that I could get the same benifits that a wife of the military does. I wish I could go out in to the public and to the events with him and not have a problem but I have to stay home and wait for my love to come home from his other family AKA the ARMY.  My partner is deployed right now and its hard because I cant get help from wifes and spouses of my partners company or the Army. And the only thing I get to have from him right now is phone calls because he dont want to be caught or get into trouble. So I dont get to see pictures of him or even get to webcam with my love.  I just was wondering if anyone has any way to maybe help me or pointers on what I could do. Theres alot more problems with the Army and how its having an effect on our relationship but dont need to trouble anyone with any of my  problems. I know their are alot of people who dont agree with homosexuality or gays but I know their are alot of you special and wonderful people out their that care and who can compare any problems as being an military spouse. I just want good feed back I dont need any put downs are hurtful slang or stuff said. I love reading alot of your stories it makes me think about the things I have went threw and helps me alot. I just want to give a big thanks to all the Soldiers out their and to the Spouses and family and friends. 
gayarmyboyfriend gayarmyboyfriend
3 Responses May 12, 2011

I am so very impressed and incredibly happy to see you on this site. I know how hard it is to reach out, especially given your circumstances and I want to say that, at least from me, you are so very welcome to this circle. I myself have to keep my relationship on the DL and have a few friends with similar situations, and it can be incredibly isolating, especially when you have to keep your relationship hush hush. I know how much is sucks knowing you can't be a part of the family readiness groups and now knowing when or if you'll be notified, since you're not the legal spouse. I keep in constant contact with my guy's family, his mom and siblings. I let them know when I hear from him, they do the same. I know if his mom gets a call (god forbid) that anything has happened, I'll be the first to know after her. That's honestly the only way us (in)Significant Others can stay in the loop. There is no official recognition for us military girlfriends, or boyfriends, for that matter. But you have to be strong for your man. Keep faith, pray (if you are spiritual or religious) and make connections with others who understand. If you want to talk, I'm here. There isn't a whole lot we can do about our rights, to the military we have no rights, but we stay tough, we stay true and we wait for our lovers to return. I pray every day that some day EVERYONE will be treated equally and that regardless of sexual orientation, sexual identity, race, creed, disability, etc., we will all be recognized and "allowed" the freedom to marry anyone we choose.

I don't really have any advice. But to my knowledge, the don't ask, don't tell policy is getting repealed. Maybe that would make things easier? Unfortunately there are still homophobes :/

i wish i had some advice for you; but i really don't.<br />
i think being an army girlfriend is hard enough i couldn't imagine having to do it while hiding it and apart of who my boyfriend is. <br />
i don't really have any advice but if you want to talk, i'm a good listener. just send a message:)