Confused On Marriage And The Military....

So, my boyfriend and I have been togther for nearly two years. He gets me better than anyone I've ever met, we even have the same hang-ups about getting married.  This is where it gets sticky. He has joined the Army and heads off to basic in less than a month and yes I'm scared sh**less with all the wars and crap over seas, but I digress.  I want to move to be with him, I am a college graduate but completely and utterly broke working three partime jobs to barely make ends meet.  I don't really have the money to randomly pack up and move everytime he's stationed someplace new. 

Here in MT work is hard to find and his lack of employment and desire to make a difference are what finally made him sign up.  Is a military life what I want? No, but here's the kicker, it feels right.  Everything about making our relationship work and be together just feels right in my gut.  We both feel that way. The only way it seems actually make this work and easier is if we get married.  However it freaks both of us out but I'm more okay with it than he is, probly because I'm older and I understand that sometimes doing something that scares you usually works out better than you had planned on.  Anyway, I've read that the only way that the military really works with couples and living together is if they are married. Legally married, since common law marriages are only recognized in a few states. 

He's my best friend and my family so rearranging my life to help him live his now that I have graduated from college just feels right.  Especially since he has decided to serve his country.

We planned to spend our lives together unmarried so why does adding that piece of paper make it so scary? Also, is there ANYONE who has been able to make it work without being married or is marriage the only way for the military to recognize your relationship as a permenent one? 

Any advice???
74element47 74element47
3 Responses May 16, 2011

I have been really thinking about it, and yeah I'm ready to be completely and legally married. I've spent the last month doing a lot of soul searching and I cannot see myself being this committed to anyone else. I told him to think about it through basic and AIT and when he's done and waiting for his marching orders then we will sit down and actually talk about it again. All those hang-ups and fears about marriage are pretty much gone. We are considered common law in MT anyway as we have signed legal documents together, have a bank account and file our taxes together. Nothing would change except the military would say, "Okay, right you're married." I just want HIM to come to that realization without my prodding because he really is stubborn. We have agreed to be 100% committed to each other for the long term. The paper would just make it a public contract instead of a private one. I am at peace with that and I can say with 100% certainty that I am ready for this new chapter in my life.

because you once you get married isnt like you can break up if yall have a arguement or run home to your parents to cool off becuase most people are stationed miles away from their parents (esp. if AD) The military no matter what branch doesnt really recognize fiance's or gfs. They only way you are anything recognizble is if you are married to your SM. It sucks but thats how it is. Getting married is something you really need to be 100 % . Bottom line marriage isnt something to jump into. I assume this will be your 1st marriage so i will give you some advice...Go to premarital counseling.....or ask your soldier about the strong bonds retreat...I've been told you dont have to be married to attend this & maybe they will give you alot more insight. Me & my fiance were planning on getting married march 2012, but we found out he was deploying so we had to push the wedding up by 8 months to July.<br />
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I think your best bet is to stay put at least until after AIT...and when he gets leave or so possibly before his 1st duty station...see if you 2 are still on the same page and get married.

Honestly, I am not married to my soldier yet. However from knowing a little bit and talking to people in my opinion your best move is to get married. I am a girl who has always wanted to get married, so the thought doesn't scare me is excites me. But I digress ha. The military will only recognize you or your relationship unless you are married with a dependent card. They could care less about girlfriends and even fiancées.<br />
Honestly I wouldn't suggest getting married until both of you are completely ready. Resentment can come from that. I know what you mean barely making ends meet, but try moving to wherever his first station is. You will have basic and however long his AIT is to save up some money to help you move. Maybe discuss with him helping you out, since you are moving for the both of you. You will have probably a couple years time by doing so to get closer to marriage and become ok with marriage since it is now something you have to consider.