Second Best.

Has anyone felt second place from your loved one? Like you put him first, above all, but you feel second best?

I put my husband above everyone, he is the first person i tell when i have a secret, or some juicy information or anything! But i feel as if he put his mother and brother before me and i'm his wife. My husband is in basic training now and i got a phone call from him today, he told me he called his mother and brother but they both didn't answer. I felt like he had to settle talking to me. While we were talking, his brother calls him and he tells me hold on my brother is calling me, give me 2 minutes and just hangs up before i could say okay. And when i ask him if he got any of my letters he tells me he did. And he told me not to write to him anymore on a certain day because he'll be busy and gone somewhere and not to write as much. I know he doesnt have time to read them but it makes me feel as if he doesnt appreciate my letters. Like they are a burden that he has to read them, and how short does he expect me to write his letters? Its not like i write them long, i only write a page and a half. What does he want me to say, "Hi, im doing fine, hope your fine. Okay bye." 
Like i feel like im more excited to hear from him on the phone or get a letter than he is. Like when i answer the phone, i say, "Baby! i miss you, how are you? And he's tone of voice sounds like he's talking to some unimportant friend, he says, "Hey, how you doing?" Thats what he says to his customers at his job when he picks up the phone. Like WTF am i not special? 

Sometime i think i shouldnt pick up his phone calls so that he could appreciate when i do pick up or not right as often. But that's kinda messed up being that he needs my support, talking to him is very rare and im his wife, I'm supposed to be there for him. But how can i be there for him when i feel like he has to settle talking to me and he doesnt appreciate my efforts, excitement and actions  i do and give to him.
I feel really bummed and sad..  makes me not want to talk to him on the phone anymore and just write. At least in my imagination i think he does want to talk to me and misses me so much, but in reality he SOUNDS like he doesnt appreciate me. 
Don't get this wrong, he does love me, i know it for a fact! It's just his response, tone of voice on the phone and the feeling like im second place thats my problem. 

Has anyone felt second place from your loved one? Like you put him first, above all, but you feel second best?
IamySelf IamySelf
18-21, F
3 Responses Jun 15, 2011

my on and off guy went through this stage as well. i didn't feel appreciated at all! he used to call me everyday 3 or 4 times a day but then his calls started coming in every few days and i thought it was just when he felt like it. so i stopped emailing and texting and within a few days he calls back and apologizes for being "a jerk" and then everything went back to normal :D he does get extremely busy and tired from all his work so i've learned to be more patient and understanding because thats just part of having your guy in the military.

I am sorry to hear you feel that way. : ( I just had a thought when I read your post that he probably does that with the phone. Like call you second because he knows your not going to yell at him for not calling as soon as he can. He knows he can depend on you to be there and answer. With his mom he may feel like he has to immediately call his mom, so he does not have to deal with her being mad! Just a thought!

my boyfriend when through a stage like that, thankfully he got over it.<br />
the letter thing is kinda weird to me, my boyfriend didn't care how much i wrote him, if he was busy or something he'd just save the letters for when he was having a bad day.

What did you do when he was in this stage? How did you handle it? :/

i was just really patient.
it hurt alot, and i'd let him know that with out sounding nagging or anything.