Sick of Being Called "Just A Girlfriend"

Okay, venting time. I'm getting sick of my role as an Army girlfriend being constantly belittled because I'm not legally-tied to my Soldier. I understand the government's policies, i.e. married Soldiers getting paid WAY more money than single ones, etc. and all that, but it really irks me when wives think they're better than girlfriends because they have a ring on their finger. Most of the wives I've met in my boyfriend's unit have known their Soldier less than two years at most, had children unexpectedly, and their husbands enlisted in the Army purely as a means for financial support. I, on the other hand, have been best friends with my Soldier for six years before we started dating... I put in my time. I'm not trying to stomp on anyone's relationship, I'm just frustrated that some of these women turn their noses up to us girlfriends who have just as strong, fulfilling, and loving relationships as do their marriages. And some of the support groups I've come across specifically ban "girlfriends"... really? Because last time I checked, my Soldier and yours are going through the exact same thing, just like you and me are. Seriously, some of these wives needs to realize that at some point, they were girlfriends as well. Just saying.
eridele eridele
22-25, F
13 Responses Aug 2, 2011

For real! Completely agree. I know I've only been with my boy for a little over a year, but we've been through hell together, and I completely love him, a ring isn't going to make what we are going through (or will be) any different, emotionally that is. Unless you live with him, that's one thing Army recruiters have talked to me about, they basically said, girlfriends and wives go through the same thing emotionally, but the difference is (goes for you if you live with him) when he leaves you take care of everything, his bills plus yours, any payments he has, etc, you're responcible for everything. I don't think wives are better, I think they just see it as they have more to take care of (not always true) and they think since they are married it makes what they have more "official". But wife or girlfriend we love our men, and they need to realize this. It would be amazing to talk to a wife and figure out how they handle everything, they could help by giving advice, but they don't (doesn't go for all).

Im so glad to know im not the only one going through this, even my boyfriend best friends wife( less then 2 months of being a wife) looks down at me now since we are not married. I was actually looking for help on why I despise being just the girlfriend, I'm so ready to be more then that, we have been in a relationship for 2 and 1/2 yrs now and I hate being the girlfriend;(

Thank you for putting this out here, I really hope you read this post. I found this post by trying to find some advice for being called "just a girlfriend" by my boyfriend's sister and mother. Although I am not a military wife, I totally know what you are going through. I stand behind and with my bf 100% in all he does, we've lived together for one year, he works very long hours and is sometimes gone on the road for weeks at a time. I cook, clean, manage a household for him, my life revolves around him on top of my demanding career, and working on my Master's Degree. I'm sorry to say but a piece of paper or a ring on a hand does not validate how another person can feel for another and I'm sick & tired of people trying to invalidate the love my bf and I have for each other because we are not married yet, we will get engaged and plan the life and wedding on our own terms, not to make someone else happy. I've tried to talk to my bf's mother and sister and he has too, but when it comes to his free time, schedule, what he puts his money towards, they get very very upset when he's not doing something for them or spending $ on them, they are completely jealous of me because of their own insecurities. His sister wants him to play as her children's father because she wants her children to be more like their uncle than their own father, those are her words, and she even is pushing court on my boyfriend to try and make him see her children every weekend (he works most weekends). They treat me like I'm some sort of threat. Like I stated earlier, I've tried to understand the rationale behind their possessiveness and insecurities, they say I'm "stealing" him away from them but I've reassured them this is not the case, I'd rather have a bf and future husband who maintains a happy and positive relationship with his direct family. <br />
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It's gotten to the point where my bf doesn't even talk to them because they are nasty towards him and trying to play a guilt trip on him and they are now leaving messages on my phone that I'm trying to control him and blaming me for him not communicating to them. He does not call them back because he says it will go nowhere with them, they are trying to sabotage my relationship with him and he tells me that no matter who he likes, loves or ends up with...they still will not like that girl. <br />
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Just stand proud and live your life the way you want to, your relationship between you and your bf is no one's business but your own and often at times, people direct how they feel about themselves or what they may be lacking in their relationships towards you then the relationship is lacking or missing something.

Sounds like it's not an issue of you being "just a girlfriend," but more of his family feeling like you are taking him away from them. Well I see this all the time too. And I think it'll only get worse when you and your boyfriend tie the knot... Unfortunately "in-laws" are gonna be in-laws... it sucks that they see you as a threat and treat you badly instead of accepting you. I'm sure if they just opened up their minds and hearts to your relationship with him, everyone will benefit. All I can say is don't let it affect you and your boyfriend. Yes, they are his family, but remember you guys are in the relationship together, not you and the rest of the world. Stay strong, keep doing what you want to do in your life, and the rest will fall into place.

mhm yatesashley92 said you're just being the realest of the real out here! hah & you really got me when you that you put in your time with him! hahaha. nah that is real though, idk why some army wives think they're better than others bcz they're army wives. yes different struggles, but then again, everyone in the world has different struggles. even from one army gf to another. but there's always some sort of common ground-between everyone yeknow? idk i do not understand on any level why anyone would think that they are better than the next person. i just call that arrogant conceitedness. sheesh

i agree with you because you and me talk. we are basically on the same level but we are still different. you have helped me with a lot and i am so thankful to be able to talk to someone like you. we get a long very well. well thanks and always stay in touch! army strong &lt;3

We are just as important. Someone we love is serving our country. A piece of paper doesn't change our love for them. I was bashed the other day about that. I posted a status on FB saying "Being a military girlfriend is my super power". One girl said "try being a wife". I was like, wtf??? You have a ring.. SO WHAT.

Ugh that makes me sick. Lucky she wasn't commenting me, because she would not have been ready for what I had to say to her lol.

How annoying! Okay so you have a ring? Big deal. Girlfriend, friend, wife--whatever--. One role isn't more important than other. I would have lost it on that girl.

People suck - and I wouldn't be afraid to tell them...just saying. Stand your ground girl!!!!

I agree and very well said!

i agree!

I could not agree with you more. My boyfriend and I have been best friends for 10 years. We have traveled all over the world together, our families share and split holidays (and have for years), we are going through his 6 deployment total, and our second as a couple. I have been at green ramp every time he left and there to pick him up upon his return. When team wives refer to me as just a girlfriend I want to scream, especially seeing as how I have known their husbands for longer than they have. How is the amount of history and love you have with someone measured by a piece of paper? Girlfriend, fiance, or wife, we are all going through the same thing. And it isn't easy for any of us.

girl you hit the nail on the head i totally agree!!!! stay strong and ignore their negativity, itll only bring you down. to hell with them, youre standing next to your soldier ans sacrificing just as they are,,

i agree too. i havent had someone say that we are less important, as girlfriends... but i would be extreamely irritated if someone did. youre right, at one point they were girlfriends too.

I agree with you too. Especially since a lot of statistics show that military marriages don't last, women married to soldiers have no reason to think that the relationships shared between soldiers and their girlfriends aren't valid. What the army wives should be doing is giving you lots of support and welcoming you into the community to encourage you to be the best army girlfriend you can be so that someday you can be a wife. Thankfully, the wives of my fiance's unit have all been wonderful.

i sooooo agree with you.