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Didn't Know What Hit Me Square In The Face

So the story starts in August 2007. We became best friends by a couple sentences. We attempted small relationship experiences with each other but I never was able to allow myself the blessing of being loved like he always wanted to love me. We were in high school at the time and from early on I knew his dream was to be in the army, little did I know, I'd be around to see him experience it. Weve been through a lot. During the 4 years of my high school career I went from heart break to heart break unaware of the accets each relationship held and without his hand there, In hindsight, I wouldn't have realized they each held certain things that I was unable to let go of. Come to find out once I allowed myself to be vulnerable with my solider, all that I loved was revealed in one person. Once allowing myself to realize my angel sitting right in front of me, it was his senior year and about time for him to sign up. For the next year I enjoyed time with him but was still unable to let myself love or be loved like I knew we were capable of. While he was in the process of getting ready to leave for basic I finally allowed myself to enjoy his love, and it was the best week of my life. We refer to it as those days of pure bliss, and while they existed we enjoyed them to the fullest with self hatred knowing that it could have made my life that much better all those tears i fought it. When the day came, though, that he was leaving, my heart could not handle it. It was broken, but I didn't think I really loved him like my heart said I did. So I went back to my life style of parties and no feelings. I wrote him in basic hut eventually stopped selfishly, forgetting that he needed as much support as possible. Well, when it came time for him to graduate basic I went, but ended up breaking up with him because I don't believe in myself. Soon there after in July I was blessed to get sober and the first person there was him, forgetting about all Hurt I put him through and all his responsibilities, he had my back. I still did not understand until about 2 months ago when I finally allowed myself to be loyal and honest, that it was revealed to me that he's not going anywhere. This time with my best friend in the last 5 years has been challenging while also fulfilling in ways I never thought possible. I now know that it takes a strong women to hold a hand of a soldier. Praying, supporting, loving, and willing I stand by his side today full of fear, love, and missing the hell out of him. I've seen him twice in the last year and I fly when I'm with him, and in July I'll be seeing him again. If god isn't real I don't know what is. Weve been through this so far, I'm not looking back. He's stationed in Alaska and is supposed to be deployed in feb next year so I am so luck to be able to talk to him daily I love him so much. And without him and our men that fight we wouldnt be able to love them so freely. God bless allā¤
Hooahitslove Hooahitslove 18-21, F May 29, 2012

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