Very Depressing Day

Yeah, just today me and my bf had a long talk about deployment and it's driving me crazy and i'm getting so depress about this pre deployment talk. He will be overseas soon and just last week he said that he already talked to a lawyer and called his mom about his will and it sounds crazy but theses kind of talks are really inevitable because no one can control what will happen in Afghanistan, yeah it seems quite a little safe there now but the fact that it is a country where most people hate foreign armies being there, I can't help but to worry and be scared. So we have to face some conversation where death instances are discussed and I can't help but to cry and be emotional about it. In the middle of discussing these matters he said this to me........

***let's say (God forbid) something was to happen to me um I just want you to know that even though sometimes we have ups and downs that part of any healthy relationship and even though I might get mad, or maybe make you mad that you really are special to me and I'll always love you weither I can do it here in person, or in spirit and if something does happen I want you to be happy..

and this is how i replied...

***whatever happens in the future, i'll always love you and i'll wait for ur safe return and pray to God everyday. I dont wanna have the thought of u dying but sometimes it's inevitable coz of ur job and the place where ur going.if ur gonna lose some parts and come home as vegetable, i'll still love u.but just please dont die

So how can I stop crying and not worry??!! I think this is too much for me to handle and no one in my family even understand how it feels like to have an army boyfriend.It sucks but really sometimes this kind of talks and being open is relieving for him because it is something that he has to face alone and just knowing that I will be there for him and wait for him to come home,gives him more strength and relief.

I just hate being so far away from him now, I wanna hug him tight, so that he will feel okay. We still both have to wait til next year just to see each sad!!

imanasian imanasian
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 19, 2012

You won't stop worrying till he gets back I'l tell you that much. But it makes you stronger. Keep your head up. You learn to deal, you'll change your schedule just to talk to him, he might get mad and take it out on you but thats probably one of the hardest parts you just have to be patient and understanding. Praying really does help, I always pray for Jake's safety,sanity,comfort courage and that he comes home safe and to me. Almost 20 times a day, and I pray that he knows that no matter what I will still love him. It is hard but you can always message me if you need to talk, I'm going through a deployment too and at the moment we're not even "together" he broke up with me but its made our relationship stronger, but not having the title. Even though we're on a "break" he's still my one and only and we still love each other. You just have to take one day at a time. Keep yourself busy but not too busy, if you go to hang out hang out with mostly girls, because they do get jealous and insecure. There are too many stories out there of women cheating on their soldiers while theyre away.

And send him PLENTY of care packages :]

That is what I thought too, I won't be able to stop worrying til he gets back next year.and yeah, change of schedule is part of it,my whole schedule was already changed since they started preparing for the deployment, he comes home late coz he has to learn his new job, he is a scout but someone offered him an office job when they go to Afghan so it is a lil relieving for me but not takes the worry away.Ohh cheating?! that never comes to my mind,actually I am in Philippines now so we are already too far from each other and I don't do hang outs either so he is really happy about that and less worry for him.and yes! care packages that I am preparing now to send it to US before the end of the month so he could bring it to afghan and when he is there I will send some more.thank you very much =) i hope you guys be back together again =)

Thank you, and best of luck to ya'll