Is It Cheating?

So about a week ago, i found suggestive convos on my boyfriends facebook with two girls he used to know from high school. He's deploying in the next month or so, and he's going home on predeployment leave, so the timing makes me feel like even though he didn't do anything, he was leading up to bad behavior for when he gets back home. I confronted him about it and he was extremely apologetic, admitted he had a problem but swears he want planning on actually doing anything. He's agreed to pay for couples therapy for when we get back home, but I'm wondering if it is enough. The hardest thing is he's deploying so so soon and I can't really imagine not talking to him during this time, I've been mentally gearing up for this deployment for the better part of the year. I do want to work it out, and he is willing to put in work (and money) to fix things. Should I try to work through it? Is talking to other women semi sexually online cheating? Is it naive to try to fix things after something like this? I need advice...
tjschira tjschira
8 Responses Sep 27, 2012

Where there's smoke there's usually fire. Conversely, there's a great peace to be found in letting things go. If you've confronted it to your satisfaction and he's given you an assurance and you trust him, then you can try to practice just letting go of it.

give him a break! both of you are preparing for a big change that could possibly alter the rest of your lives. You might want to spend this time talking about happy things and each other rather than that stupid, childish stuff! Suspicious behavior on his part is probably due to his anxiety about this deployment! You need to be supportive and focus on trying to make him feel secure, dont you think he is worried about you NOT being his by the time he returns? And what if he returns with a disability or PTSD? You have much more important things to be thinking about!

answer this after asking your inner self this... "Do you really like what you are doing?"

He is a man, it is just flirting. Do not worry.

IF you do not want it and did not know of it, he is cheating to a degree. It is not naive to try to fix things after this. In fact is ia very good idea to try to fix things. He did not lie to you. He did not tryt o explain it away. He did not blame it on you. He did not say OK and then got to hide it better. He said this is an issue, you deserve better, lets see if we can fix this. It takes a quite a man to do that. He sure sounds like a keeper to me. You will not find many men who would respond that way. He thinks you are worth it. Again he thinks you are worth it. What more could you want from a man? You will not find a perfect man. But when you find one whose response when there is a problem is you are worth making the effort to improve things there is no question of his love. The only question now is do you think he is worth it or is this one way on his part? If you do think it is worth building a stronger foundation to a better future, then the good parts of the relationship will sure outweigh the bad. And every relationship will have some of both.

I don't think its technically cheating either. I think guys need a lot of attention when they're deployed because they aren't getting any sex.

I think it is, he shouldn't be doing that.

This is a little tough. Technically do I think its cheating? Not exactly. I just went through a similar situation with my boyfriend where he was chatting with girls he did not know on fb mainly just for attention. He did not hide it from me though, and because of that I did not get ride of him! Anywyas, it worked out ok for us and he no longer talks to those girls.

I think there is definitely a problem BUT if he is admitting he has a problem as is willing to go to counseling then that tells you a lot about him! He wants it to work. If he didn't there would be no reason for him to hang on to you, you know? He is going on deployment...and because he wants to work on it I think that shows a lot. You have to listen to yourself on this one...if you are willing to go through it with him then great! If not, let him go...good luck!!!!