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Upset.... Is It All In My Head? Is He Cheating? Or Am I Over Thinking This?!!!

so my boyfriend just got back from afghanistan a few days ago.. we have been texting but im starting to get worried he is messing with other girls..or maybe he just needs time to ajust.. i dont know on his facebook there is a pic of him and some girl from when he got home at this welcome home thing they had for the guys when i asked who it was he said it was one of his buddies sister.. maybe it just pissed me off because some other chick was holding on to my man that i havent got to see in over 7 months or im scared he is lying. friday night he stopped texting me at 8 aclock at night he is 21 and he didnt text me till today at 1130am i figured he went out but he said he was sleepiing.. i was just over to his grandmothers and she said they had went to some concert i would have been less mad about it if he would have just told me the truth if he lied about that what else is he lying about why did he feel the need to lie.... i have this upset feeling in my gut that something isnt right... he will be home on leave in a week but it feels like things are already getting bad. maybe im just thinking to much into this but it has really upset me that he hasnt talk to me much and is lying! i feel like he is cheating on me but i cant prove anything and i dont wanna acusse him and it be nothing!!!!!! when he texts me he is really short and doesnt tell me he loves me anymore.. right now he said he is out riding four wheelers with his friends.. thats cool, you can do that but you cant call me at night and talk to me! im not sure what is going on with him and it has me really upset, it has me going crazy cause i feel like im making it out to be way worse then what it really is... but i just know something is wrong and he is soo far away from me and i dont wanna push him away with an arguement when he is only gonna be home in aa week!! when he was in afghanistan he always wanted to talk to me and now its a different storyy and im getting scared!!! i cant stand the thought of loosing him!!
-The army makes them strong but makes us even stronger!!
southernbell52 southernbell52 18-21, F 13 Responses Dec 8, 2012

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If you have been together for awhile he had no reason to hide something as simple a concert. One day i received two phone calls. One from my brothers wife, one from his girlfriend. Turns our both there suspicions were correct. The day he got married he spent the night with his gf..... I didn't know about the gf but my info was in all his stuff so they both saved my number and contacted me later. It all took place when he came back for a week or so from over sea

Don't feed in to this trust your intuition bull ****, long distance relationships are hard on everyone and they create false insecurities especially when they are gone for so long.

I can relate I have a girlfriend in the NAVY, what makes it worse is the fact that she is surrounded by guys that are constantly hitting on her like a 9 to 1 ratio of men and women. They pull her cell phone number out of the deck log send her texts asking her out on dates, find out where she is on the deck log and follow her around, they send flowers, pizza, chocolates to her room. It's annoying that I am always waiting around for her calls and have to make myself available when it is convienent for her to talk. We live together but it has been rough while she has been away for the last 4 months. There's days when she is stressed out and in tears and I try my best to cheer her up or comfort her. It hurts knowing the person you love more than any other is dealing with all of this and there isn't much you can do for them. Instinctively you want to protect them . She deals with a lot of sexual harassment and he supperriors attack her if she tries to report it, it has gotten to teh point where she is either too scared or embrassed to say anything. Sometimes I get frustrated because it doesn't feel like she makes me as much of a priority as I do her.

It's been really hard because normally when she is home we do everything together. She felt uncomfortable with me going out all the time while she was gone, not because I had to but out of respect for her I stopped going out it's made the last 4 months pass by terribly slow. Not many people can relate to what I am going through because usually it's women sending their men off and not the man staying behind back at home. She checks in with me regularly we talk through out the day, video chat on Skype as often as possible, most nights we leave Skype on and fall asleep staring in to each others eyes. Sometimes I have this nagging suspicion that she is messing around with some guys, but I can't prove anything. 9 times out of 10 she proves me wrong without me even having to ask or say anything and I'm glad I never accused her because I would have made a total *** out of myself. The military keeps our soldiers busy, there is a lot of stress and responsibility. With battle buddies and the strict rules in place it's pretty hard for them to wander off with anyone of the opposite sex. I know it feels frustrating to have to give all your love and support and feel short changed a lot of times on the attention you would like to get but that's the way it is when you are involved with someone in the military. I would highly encourage holding off on anything that would create conflict while the two of you are at a distance, because it is hard to work through things when you are only a hang up away all one party has to do is refuse to answer the phone, and worst case scenario heaven forbid something happen to either one of you, would you like your last remaining memory to be an argument. Deal with it when he gets back, for now our role as hard as it may be is to remain understanding, trusting, faithful, supportive, and recognize the demands of our significant others responsibilities in the military. Distance can really mess up your thinking spread doubt and fears and once those things enter our brain they will eat at you. Focus on the positives and the things he does do to show you that he loves you. He must be making some effort there must be something that draws you to him focus on these things.

Well SouthernBell, I think you should talk to him when he gets home, and ask him those questions, get it all out in the open! Don't make yourself crazy with wondering. If you feel like something is wrong, then your feelings are probably right, you are not crazy! You have a beautiful heart and ther will be other men.

Me and him have talked and im gonna be on later to update everyone on whats going on! But thank you, your response was very sweet!

GET OUT of his shadow ... U have nothing to do with army or being his girlfriend. He is not worth army or U !!!! Person Cheating once will do it again and has habbit and art of liying and hurting without getting affected !!!

maybe its time that you and him take space, he just got back he doesnt need to feel sufficatied, he might have just thought it'd bother you and told you a white lie to keep from hurting your feelings but if yall have been together for the whole time he's been gone, maybe you should let him have his time with his friends and trust what he says if he is cheating and you can't get the idea out of your head you dont trust him and you need to end things, but you got to figure it out because you cant date someone you cant trust

Im.giving him space and its hard to just end things after 3 years! But thank you for the advice

He might not be cheating on you... but if the story is really like you say it is... (we're not getting his side) then i'd say that he has at least got his head turned by someone else... something else is making him comfortable... imho

Its not what i want to hear but it is starting to be more and more believable as my night goes on!

Sorry... i know how this must feel... i know someone who feels exactly the way you do... hope you work things out...

Thank you

you might be worrying too much, but there is a possibility that worrying could be causing him to lie and influence him to cheat. or the possibility that he is afraid of telling you the truth. you should talk to him and tell him how you feel.

If he's not cheating already he will sooner or later. It's no big deal, don't take it personally. We are hardwired to have multiple sexual partners. Some people repress it, and other people just do it. There is plenty of love to go around, if you don't let your jealousy and social taboos or stereotypes get itn the way you might even enjoy it yourself someday.

Your response made me giggle a little i like the way you put that! Im just that type of person to believe in something like that lol if your with someone your with someone! If you wanna have multiple partners break up!

Don't be dissappointed if he is, try to be realistic. It's really not about you or anything you've done or haven't done. If this is more than you can handle move on, OR you could really shock the hell out of him and say you're ok with it. He won't know what hit him and if by some chance he tells the other girl you're ok with it it will probably freak her out too and it will stop being so interesting to both very soon, once the danger is removed. Either way you win.

I really like the way you word things it almost lightens this very hard situation for me!! But i dont wanna win i wanna be the first choose i dont wnna have to compete for man that ive waited patently for, for 7 months

Your both very young not really the time to be making discions that are every lasting. But if he lied to you & you know that to be a fact that's more than enough reason for you to start looking at things differently the lie a lone is bad enough. Its the act of lieing.

Do something together, take a trip even if it's just for the weekend, but get him to yourself and rebuild the relationship. Flirtation after a long deployment is definitely a concern, but show him that there's so much more than that between you two. Getting time to yourselves though is really important

thats what i was thinking about doing! im looking into a weekend get away for us when he gets home! im glad you also sugested that! i really appreciate you understanding where im coming from!!! it really does mean alot to talk to someone who understands! thank you soo muchh!

jealousy issues? - yeah you just dont assume without having the facts - until you have the facts to prove and you knew he was a soldier and you should be supporting him and you obviously called him a liar but have no facts to back up your claim so why dont you just do what a supportive woman does and support your man rather than assume things that may or may not be true

i have been more then supportive when my boyfriend signed up for the army i supported.. when he volunteered to go to afghanistan i support my man.. i have waited and supported! so please dont tell me to do what a supportive women does because i support him in every discussion he has made good and bad, i have waited and been faithful like a good women does.. i have been loyal and listened when no one else would like a good women does! but thank you for not understand my situation at all!

well you are not being supportive when you are accusing him of cheating and you are nagging and getting angry just because you see some other woman in a picture with him - you obviously have trust issues - you cant trust your man so you assume he is cheating yet you have no proof but you go ahead and make accusations that is your problem - you are scared that he is lying - you are afraid he is cheating - why are you afraid? - you do not trust him - everything you have said here was based on feelings and assumptions with NO proof

i was simply stating how i felt, hoping i would get good advice on how to react to what is going, which i did get great advice but not from you! This is a place were i can talk to other S/O that know what im going threw!!!!! Obviously anything i say to you im just a nagging uptight jealous girlfriend!!!! yuppp im CRAZYY for being concerned(: have a nice day bye!!

yes you are just what you say you are - i can already see what its going to be like for him once you see him again - and by the way its "through" not threw

Lay off her guy honestly. Military relationships are hard. They involve a tremendous amount of emotional strength and all too often one sided support. Military gfs and oases seek advice here because they need additional SUPPORT not judgement and condemnation. You're not helping her or her soldier with the holier than thou routine, and she's not being a bad girlfriend by working through concerns on a support forum.

thank you tjschira!!!!!

not helping? - do you honestly believe she is helping her guy by making accusations? - maybe she should be more supportive rather than making assumptions because everything she has said is based on feelings and assumptions only - she has NO proof that he is cheating - and all relationships are hard not just military - she obviously has trust issues - and she is not helping her soldier by making claims like that either - what she needs to do is be more supportive but all she wants to do is nag because she has trust issues as well as jealousy - she does not trust her guy its that simple - maybe when she see her soldier she will be excited and show her support and welcome him back

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I really hope he's not doing anything to hurt your relationship but I don't blame you for being concerned. I worry about how they act when they get back sometimes. Not that they don't deserve to let loose a little, but it's not fair to forsake you in the process. I know a lot of girls who've gone through this. He long will you two be apart? When do you see him next?

thank you i really hope he isnt either, its tearing me up just even thinking about it. I also agree he deserves to let loose i would just feel better about it if he was telling me what he is doing, im not trying to be controling, i just wanna know! any normal girlfriend when there man comes home from afghanistan would be worried in my situation..it just has my stomach turning! last time i seen him was 7 months ago he has spent the last 7 months in afghanistan! Im gonna be seeing him in a week when he comes home on leave.