Now He Tells Me

So for those of you keeping track, my guy had told me several days ago that he didnt know what i expected from him cuz we were so far apart (across country when hes here, but hes deployed now). So I wrote him back saying that even though I know hes far away and things are difficult that I love and miss him and am going to be there for him and support him. Well we talked online a few days after that and didnt really talk about the situation, cuz he told me he was sick and working hard and just sounded too stressed to bother him with it all over again. But I felt like at least the stress and sickness explained what he was saying.

SO now. i get another email saying that he cares about me and misses me too (something he had been withholding with lately, so i was happy to hear that). But that he cant hav anything too big and serious now and maybe not for a long time. He says he doesnt want to hurt me.

So now Im kind of mad honestly, that he pursued this for this long and is telling me this a month into deployment when he could have told me before I got too involved with him. But then part of me wonders if its still the stress of being gone etc that is making him pull away. I dont want to like fight with him etc or pull a crazy angry girl move on him like confronting etc cuz I know he's going through hard times etc. But how do I know if this is just his problems or if its really over and I just need to give up?

sallysimon sallysimon
3 Responses Feb 9, 2009

my soldier did the same thing...right before he left for SC he was amazing...we went out to the lake and went fishing and had an amazing time...then he got deployed out...we actually broke up for about a month...but then i got a call out of the blue one night i think it was like 2 in the morning and he was saying that he was sorry for what happened between us and that he wants to be together...and it was a good month that i didnt talk to him or hear from him...but the military has this thing of how they change the way a person thinks...and you have to be honest with him...i found this quote on the internet not sure if it will help but i sure hope it does "i dont wait on you because i have to...or because i need to...its because i WANT to" just reassure him that you are going to be there no matter what...and they do get time to think over there...about life..about the people in their the list is never ending...and im sure one day it will hit him in the face of what he lost...i think that is what happened to my soldier...i hope i helped...all you can do is give it time...the best thing i can say to do is just pray about it...if you need to talk some more or vent just message me...<br />
good luck sweetie<br />
keep your head up<br />
everything will work out in the end it always does

honestly, my guy is the same way. It's the way they are. The military has a way of changing their thought process. Every time before my guy deploys, hes all lovey dovey telling me we'll get married someday, and then while hes gone, he tells me how he misses me but feels guilty for holding me back from life.<br />
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Just keep reassuring him and things will work out. I love my guy more than anything and he knows it. I tell him every chance I get. What they dont always understand is how even though they feel guilty, we as their girlfriends feel even guiltier for having the ability to have a life when they really dont. Even though i'm sure if youre anything like me, we dont have much of a life other than stupid things to keep ourselves busy to stop obsessing over them. =}<br />
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Just keep on reassuring him. Guys, especially in the military, need lots of reassurance.

I would be patient and try not to say too much for a couple weeks, give him time to sort out his feelings. His deployment is still very fresh (I don't remember if this is his first or not). He is still trying to gear himself up for all that he will go through over there for the next year, and the thought of trying to keep a girlfriend happy throughout that entire time might feel like too much pressure for him to deal with. It is REALLY difficult for us to balance being supportive, and loving , and 100% there for them while we have our own questions and insecurities sometimes poking their nasty little heads in...but you have to remember that what is difficult for us is 500 times harder for them, and they absolutely do not have the time, the brain space, or the enrgy to be able to deal with all of that while they're deployed.<br />
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It may end up being that he decides he just can't handle a relationship while he's deployed, and if this happens you are far better finding that out now than 10 months into it! I know it doesn't make it any easier right now, but think about it long term, you would far rather know now right? I'm sorry, I know this is hard...and from what I've seen and heard it continues to be challenging in different ways throughout. So maybe this is also your time to reflect on whether or not this type of relationship is what YOU truly want?<br />
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Either way I would give each of you some time to sort things out individually before you try to work it all out with him. Good luck honey, keep your head up!