Still Talking

Hey everyone, I have not posted in a really long time! its been really hard time at school and a hard time with the guy. Last time i posted I told you guys about how he was pulling away big time and telling me he couldnt handle anything serious now that he's away. see it was pretty new when he left so its been really rough. Ive basically just been dealing with that and he and i did not communicate for a few weeks. 

So we talked on im today and things were not too bad. maybe because we have had some time away. maybe cuz he has had some time to adjust to things out there in iraq etc.  but it was just a nice conversation and went on quite awhile until he had to go. but i am trying hard not to be a girl and overanalyze and read into things. its just im after all.  But I was just wondering if any of you have any insights about whether guys that pull away like this can come around  or if i should just let go. I could see down the road if we keep talking etc and things are fine my hopes will be high and he may not come around. Im just feeling sort of conflicted and want to know what you all think.

Thanks!

sallysimon sallysimon
22-25
4 Responses Mar 1, 2009

pulling away is away they protect themselves they still love you as much as they did before. keep reminiding him that you love him and you 2 will work through it. i had to deal with it with my fancee n he hasnt even been deployed yet.

The back and forth, the ups and downs, the distant and then loving, the escalator of emotions is INSANE!!! It is also completely normal! <br />
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How does he really feel? Even he doesn't know yet. How will it turn out? Only time knows that answer. Unfortunately the ONLY part you have control of is how you will handle your end of the situation....if you care about him, and believe in your heart that you two can make it, that you want to make it, then hold on to it! The best advice I can give is to be consistent in your attitudes, your actions, your feelings, your interactions and your conversations with him. He will only feel safe enough to come back to the vulnerability of opening himself up to a relationship while in deployment if he feels you're somewhere safe for him to go...<br />
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Good luck!

My guy was deployed for a year and he went through periods where he would pull away or just start fights for no reason! But once he "settled" in Iraq he came around. We still had our ups and downs but everything worked out great. Actually our relationship is much,much stronger now then it was when he left. It is all about how much you two care about each other, how hard you hold on to each others love, and how much you fight for what you want. Deployments can either break you two down to where there is nothing left or bring you closer. It is all what you want and make out of it. But, with me and my guy like I said before and during his deployment he did pull away and pushed me away with everything he had, but I knew in my heart that he loved me and I loved him and I just kept holding on and not letting go. And it was hard for him over there because alot of his guy friends found that their wifes or girlfriends were cheating on them or whatever. Some got divorced while over there and he thought that there was no way that I could have been faithful to him that whole year since so many women where not. But he did come around to see that there are good women out there that won't do that. Good luck girl. Its a tough road when you love a soldier but its all worth it in the end:) God Bless.

My boyfriends been gone for two months now, and his distance comes and goes. Just when I'm getting so frustrated and fed up with him, he does something that reminds me that he loves me and how much I mean to him. Then I end up feeling guilty about feeling so insecure.<br />
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I have to keep hope that he will come home and be himself again and that our relationship will survive this. This is a really difficult thing for all of us and we need to be strong.<br />
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The army drills it into they're heads that their wives/girlfriends won't be here when they get back. I think it's also easier for them to compartmentalize their feelings so its not as difficult for them.<br />
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Hang in there and just give it time.