No One Told Me It Would Be Hard....

So my soldier has been home for 5 days..home from deployment. And the first day or so it was wonderful! Life was perfect, but some where it kind of changed!

 NOw he seems angry and his moods flip on a dime. He thinks that I am always hiding something from him. He actually thinks that I cheated on him..and his reason..."Well all my buddies girls cheated on them...so there is no way possible that you stayed faithful for an entire year!" I was to say the least floored. He just doesn't want to spend anytime at all with us. He always wants to be with his military friends...which i mean they spend everyday for a year together and became "family". But I just thought he would want to spend more time with us then anyone. He took off to Florida with his brother this weekend until monday...which made me really upset! I just don't know how to make him happy. I feel like walking around on egg shells cause I don't want to make him angry. I am trying to give him space and time but he just thinks that I am pushing him away and don't want him home. Which is so far from the truth! He gets mad if I can't go and do things with him during the week...like all the welcome home parties and things like that....but we have 5 kids...2 that are in school...and 3 that are babies...so I can't just get up and leave on a 2 minute notice. I just feel lost. I thought things would be easy and fit right back the way they were. But I was very wrong. I know that it will take time for life to be "normal" but I didn't think it would be this hard. If anyone out there has already been through a deploymnet and knows what I am talking about I am open to any advice....I don't know what to do...... Thanks:)

IsThisOverYet IsThisOverYet
22-25, F
4 Responses Mar 1, 2009

Oh sweetheart! I am so sorry this hit so quickly and you didn't really have very much time to just enjoy each other! But know that all of it is completely normal. The range of things that they see and go through both here and there are CRAZY!!!! It does some pretty F****D up things to their psyche and we just never know how or when it's going to hit. And what makes it harder is that most of them couldn't even be convinced that the deployment is why they're freaking out, lol. I know it's not funny, but sometimes all you can do is chuckle to yourself about how upside down things get!<br />
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I have two bits of advice: The first is to just try to be consistent, in your loving him, in your support of him. He is scared now that his life will end up just like all of his buddies who got cheated on. He also doesn't know how to really be home yet, not in the states, and not in your family, and not in your arms. Give him time, and he'll find his way back to your steady love. The second piece of advice is that while you're trying to work this through with him steady and consistent absolutely DOES NOT = doormat! I know you want to make him happy, and make peace around the house, but don't ever let him step so far out of bounds that you would slap a girl for staying with someone who was abusive like that! <br />
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Our soldiers are going to be different when they come home, and we have to allow time for them to settle into who they are going to be now. I remember a post you wrote not that long ago about what he said to you on a phone call when he was on his way home...remember that love you both felt then, that wasn't so long ago! Give it time and you'll get back there soon!<br />
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Keep your heap up honey!

He just needs time, babe. <br />
What your going through is normal. Things are very different for him being back here as opposed to how hes had to live his life for the past year, having to watch out for his buddies and his own life, ya know?<br />
Imagine living with that everyday, for 365 days.<br />
Try to stay calm with him, and give him a month or so to readjust to living in a free country.<br />
He saw stuff there we cant even comprehend and people deal with that kind of thing in different ways.<br />
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If he continues this after about 2 months, i would look into ptsd. We are here for you, and if you need anything, just message me.<br />
Ive dealt with my fair share of ptsd with my sister being in the military, and my dad having it too.<br />
hang in there girl, i know its confusing!

Bless, This is very normal. The guys react in different ways. Some react like this. others react by jumping in and taking over even though youv'e been ina routine and had to rely on yourself. they act like they have been there are along. I wouldn't take it personal. Just allow him time to unwind as hard as it maybe. Hes just seen and been through stuff we wouldn't comphrened. There is also a honeymoon period after they come home. Everything is perfect and then bam you get on eachother nerves and fight like you feel this is not what you signed up for. maybe even think about leaving. But then things calm down and go back to normal. They say it can take 6 to 8wks to go back to normal, from deployment that is the worst. I can't stand him and don't want anything to do with him. It could be PTSD. But then again it could just be the stress of being gone for so long and then he comes home to five kids and its just to much for him to handle at the moment. Just give it a bit of time. I will keep you both in my prayers. Stay strong and am sure this will soon pass. if it doesnt after a couple of months then I would seek help. I'm here if you need to chat.x

Is it ptsd? Would you be able to see a counselor together? :( I'm defiantly not equipped to give advise because I've never been though this, I really wish I would give you some amazing advise that you could apply to this situation, but even though I can't I just want you to know that your in my thoughts and prayers and I really hope everything gets better for you and that this will be just a phase that comes and goes, and goes very soon I hope :) <br />
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Stay strong