Holding Tightly Onto Hope....

So things are looking alittle better everyday. We went to dinner last night and I told him everything that I was feeling. I told him that I didin't know how to make him happy. And all that jazz......this is what he told me...just thought I would share....

"Sweetheart, I know that I have said some crazy things, and I hope that you know that it is not the real me speaking...its Iraq. And I know that isn't an excuse but that is why I am the way I am right now. I am stuggleing to get myself back to where I was and it is so much harder then I thought. I thought that I would be able to come home and just melt back into life. But I look around and see that life has moved on without me. And I don't know how to catch up. You make me happy,more happy then I could ever be. I just need you to hang in there with me and love me even when I am being a jerk. Please, Please don't leave me! I know that i told you that me being away was the hard part but now we are facing a diffrent type of hard part and I can't get through this without you with me.!

Okay so this is the part where I am like crying my eyes out! I told him that I loved him no matter how rough things got and that I would do whatever I had to to help him get through this. I told him that I understood that he would never be 100% the man that I pput on that plane a year ago. And that it was okay. I told him that the only thing that would be a deal breaker and cause me to leave him is if he EVER got physically violent with me or the kids. And then I would have to leave and there would be no coming back. He said that he understood how I was feeling and was glad that I told him because he didn't want me to suffer in silence. But I told him that I waited to tell him because I didn't want to hurt him. But he told me that he knew that he was hurting me but it was easier for him to deal with if I just told him.

So I guess we are just taking it day by day. Waiting this out is the best we can do. We both agreed to give it 6 weeks or so and if things didn't get better we would go talk to someone as a couple. We just have so much to loose that we are going to fight with everything that we have...no matter what. But every day seems to get alittle easier to deal with.I guess I just thought that him being deployed was the hardest part of all this....having him home to readjust to just as hard sometimes.

Thank you to all you girls that commented on my last story. It really helped alot:) Ya'll have been such a blessing to me.

IsThisOverYet IsThisOverYet
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 3, 2009

awe, thats so great that you finally had that conversation with him. i can tell you both really love eachother and i know things are going to work out for you.<br />
were all always here for you. be strong & you will get thru this

aww sweetie I am SO happy you two were able to have that conversation. It really sounds like you're both coming to the table with the best on intentions for the other, and that you're both committed to working through the challenges.<br />
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It is a whole new chapter for you in the difficulties that the Army will bring into your life, but I think you'll learn how to succeed here too! The six week time limit is a great idea, it gives you both the space to try on your own, as well as an outside time limit for when you'll need to say ok, we need a little help figuring this out.<br />
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Way to be strong!!! =)