Not Quite There Yet.

So of course I always feel like I don't belong on here just yet, considering my boyfriend has not left and is still home for a couple months, but it seems like every day just keeps getting harder just by thinking of what's to come for us. I mean, we are still seniors in high school and I know that my "estrogen and hormones are raging" and that I "probably won't be able to handle what's to come" because I'm so young, but I'm trying. I never asked for any of this, yet I'm trying my hardest to accept it.

Today was a very bad day for us. He finally got his heart checked out by a cardiologist after what seemed like complications a month ago and apparently his heart is so strong that the valves slam shut instead of closing shut, whatever that means. Anyway he was gone most of the day doing tests and what-not and we were doing fine until we had to go to Denton to drop off paperwork to a guy from his church. After that we went to a chinese restaurant over by UNT, the college where he participated in the TAMS program (which is an exalted math and science program for juniors in high school), and he offered to take me to meet his old classmates. Well then he quickly took that back because apparently they would tell bad things about him to me, and I already knew all of that stuff and I'm over it, but he still refused to let me meet them so we argued. Well UNT is also the college where I'm attending in the fall and it just reminded me of how isolated I will be there, considering all my friends are going to schools that are 3+ hours away, and poor me was just tearing up in the chinese place.

Poor Ray. I must have looked like an idiot just crying there in the middle of the restaurant and he had no idea how to help me. This turned into me confessing how much I will miss him so we left and ate in the car. He kept telling me I shouldn't keep things bottled up but I said that I'm just trying to be strong and supportive of him. But he says he wants me to tell him everything that's bothering me, whether he's here or in another country. I just don't wanna do that to him because he will have so much more to deal with and I don't want him to worry about me. Then he broke the news that they won't let him to airborne training, that he will instead do infantry medic training, which apparently means he has a greater chance of being put on the front lines? But he wants me to make an important decision for him: leave for basic a few months earlier and miss prom, graduation, and all that other senior stuff to be able to get airborne training, or leave in the summer, spend another 4 months together, but have to take infantry training. How on earth am I supposed to decide that for him? Isn't it like a matter of safety versus spending more time with me? I don't know much about the army, but I know what I should choose for him, and honestly I'm way to selfish to decide something like that. Why can't things work out the way we want them to?

Again, I know I can't compare anything to what you all are going through and I'm sorry this was so long. Sometimes a girl just needs to vent, of course. It's just such a blessing to be able to see what I'm in for though, so thank you for sharing your stories. I can only hope that I will be as strong as you ladies are someday.

Emerald007 Emerald007
18-21, F
6 Responses Mar 4, 2009

aw girl! you belong here just as much as the rest of us! we're all in the same boat or going to be and we're here to support each other and help each other prepare for what we're facing or about to face. as far as deciding for him, that is a very very hard thing for you to do. i know how you feel as far as being selfish goes cuz i, and im sure we all would, would feel the same way. you do need to express that to him. you need to sit down together and make a decision together so you both understand each other and what not. <br />
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and dont let anyone tell you you're to young to handle this! thats ridiculous. im 19 my boyfriend is in basic. and ya you know it really really sucks but i love him and he loves me and thats all the matters, all you need is a strong stable relationship. maybe not even that cuz im not kidding you the distance will change the both of you for the better. i just got my first letter from nathan yesterday and he completely shocked me when he said he "realizes how he take just talking to me for granted." and how he would give anything just to have a petty little arguement if it ment he could talk to me. and let me tell you, nathan and i have been through ALOT lol. and we both did things that hurt the other and hes been a little held back since then and seeing those words in his hand writing mean the world to me and i know this is going to be an incredible thing for us. and were 19 and young and head over heals in love. so screw anyone who tells you you can't. cuz you can, you'll surprise your self with how strong you actually are.

aw girl! you belong here just as much as the rest of us! we're all in the same boat or going to be and we're here to support each other and help each other prepare for what we're facing or about to face. as far as deciding for him, that is a very very hard thing for you to do. i know how you feel as far as being selfish goes cuz i, and im sure we all would, would feel the same way. you do need to express that to him. you need to sit down together and make a decision together so you both understand each other and what not. <br />
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and dont let anyone tell you you're to young to handle this! thats ridiculous. im 19 my boyfriend is in basic. and ya you know it really really sucks but i love him and he loves me and thats all the matters, all you need is a strong stable relationship. maybe not even that cuz im not kidding you the distance will change the both of you for the better. i just got my first letter from nathan yesterday and he completely shocked me when he said he "realizes how he take just talking to me for granted." and how he would give anything just to have a petty little arguement if it ment he could talk to me. and let me tell you, nathan and i have been through ALOT lol. and we both did things that hurt the other and hes been a little held back since then and seeing those words in his hand writing mean the world to me and i know this is going to be an incredible thing for us. and were 19 and young and head over heals in love. so screw anyone who tells you you can't. cuz you can, you'll surprise your self with how strong you actually are.

thank you all for being so supportive and understanding. the reason why i said that i was too young to deal with this is because that's what everyone over here keeps telling me. its so nice being able to connect with you all on the same level. i did tell my man that he needs to make his own decisions, and i would support him any way he chooses, but would prefer for him to be safe, so i think he finally got the message. thank you all again.

trust me, age doesn't have everything to do with being able to handle an army man. and don't worry about belonging here- mine is rotc, he won't finish basic for another year, and the girls on here are completely accepting. army life comes with it's issues before he leaves, and i like being able to give cyber hugs to the girls on here going through deployments. it makes me feel like i will have good vibes (and lots of extra knowledge) when p does go through training and deployment. they're all soldiers (tho i do admit being a soldier in iraq or afghanistan is VERY different soldier than being in rotc, having not risked your life yet), and no matter what kind of soldier, we will all eventually go through the same things. the important thing is wanting to be supportive of others and wanting to support your man. <br />
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in your position, i would not prefer p to be put into infantry, b/c it is more dangerous. but i would not blame you for wanting that time together. maybe tell him you don't want him to leave sooner, but if airborn is really what he wants, you want him to be happy? i can't tell you what to do, but i hope the thoughts help.

Hun, just because your a senior with "raging horomones" and all that stuff doesnt mean your not gonna be able to handle it. I was 17 and a senior when my boyfriend decided to join the army. He left for basic two days before v-day. Missed prom. my birthday. his birhtday. ect ect. But you know...all that stuff...it doesnt mean anything to me now. I went to prom anyway with a bunch of friends, got drunk as **** and had a great time anyway. <br />
Mine is in a special forces airborne division. He works on helicopters, flies them, shoots up the bad guys, goes on missions he cant discuss, he does everything. And it scares me. It scares me that he wont ever be able to talk about what he sees, and that maybe i wont be able to be there for him. It scares me that maybe he will change. But you know...maybes are what the future is made up of. I love him. and so i stick by him.<br />
But if i were you, and if it were between him going into aviation or infantry, i'd choose aviation.<br />
Not only because it is safer (as long as he doesnt get thrown into specops like mine. They dont even get issued parachutes), but for future reasons too. Depending on what he goes into, he needs to look at what he can get a job in once he get out and take that into consideration. As a rule of thumb, aviation jobs usually do end up paying up. especially if hes thinking of going into the mechanics of it.<br />
I know that its hard. Its a lot of decisions, and beleive me, it takes a strong girlfriend to get through it (there have been many times i just wanted to surrender, crawl under my sheets and cry, but you DO get through it) But if your gonna be an army girlfriend you have to realize thats once he has sold his soul to uncle sam its gonna be YOU thats going to have to change your life to be with him. He will no longer have any wriggle room to compromise. <br />
But you know...there are lots of rewards sides to it too. Seeing him for the first time after basic training will forever be engraved in my mind. Running towards him and wrapping my arms around him for the first time in 5 months. Seeing him give a speech in AIT and having him to myself when he got gold stat. This past weekend i got to go visit him at his duty station and stay with him on base. <br />
Its not all hard choices and work. And the way you learn to treasure and love each other is something rare.<br />
Just keep a cool head, and maybe tell him to suck it up and make his own decisions lol. <br />
We are here for you, girl. We've all been through what your going through and what you will be going through.<br />
and if you have any questions or anything, message me :)

i understand somewhat of what your going through iam still in high school myself and my boyfriend left and is in the army and babe its gonna be really hard and tough but you can make it through i promise. if u need anyone, anyone at all iam here =]. and i think if i was in ur situation i would rather him miss the senior stuff instead of going into infatary. those are the men on the front lines and everyone fights but you get what iam saying? and im sorta new at this too. my solider went through bootcamp and training so far and now is going to college and trying to become a higher rank. but darlin i would want him to do what he wants which is airborne right? ask him wut he would rather do.and support him no matter what. thats what he needs more out of anything. and i been there with crying.i still do every single night. but dear u dont have to keep it all in. i know you dont really know me all tht well but i gotta big heart and a good listener im here if u need me =] always darlin. we army girlfriends/wives need to stick together and most ur friends wont understand any of this. they never do til they go through it to. yano?<br />
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