Can the Army Change Them?

iam havin a little difficulties with my solider. and if you have been through this also id love to hear about it. my man and me been arguing a little bit because of stupid little things that dont even make since and even though we get over em in a matter of seconds its crazy because we never fight. ever since he joined the army he has been snippy and arguementive. he says they go through alot and he has alotta stress on them. which i understand so i listen to his problems and help him through everything. even though our arguements are rare we have gotten stronger. but what i need to know is does the army change them? i know its extremly tough but is there anything i can do to help other than support him? id love to hear yalls stories also if you been through  this.

ColesOneandonly18 ColesOneandonly18
18-21, F
7 Responses Mar 6, 2009

mine is rotc, but i think what im going to say applies to most army men. they're basically getting paid to be yelled at for most of the time. the upper command gets in their faces and it can be really stressful, so sometimes p will come home, and all i have to do is ask him how his day went before i get my head bitten off about something i did (not really). their strings just get pulled so tight, you know? and then they're expecting you to be like the command be picking on them or criticizing them or nagging them, so they'll think you are and pick a fight with you over it, even if it seems to be over something small. <br />
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i've also heard of men becoming less like this and more doting than before they left. i think it depends on your man.

i see. thanks for the info.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as defined by the Department of Veteran Affairs: <br />
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"After a trauma or life threatening event it is common to have upsetting memories of what happened, to have trouble sleeping, to feel jumpy, or to lose interest in things you used to enjoy. For some people these reactions do not go away on their own, or may even get worse over time."<br />
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Sometimes it can be very extreme, and affect a person for the rest of their life, most of the time it is something the person can overcome if they actively try to work through all that is going on in their minds and in their bodies. Soldiers can oftentimes return from war with PTSD, although there are many other traumas in life which can provoke it. Such as growing up in an environment where deaths are frequent and violent, being physically or sexually abused or assaulted, witnessing a horrific act of violence. <br />
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Typically soldiers DO NOT come out of any sort of training having developed PTSD, unless there has been some catastrophic accident while they were there...which also doesn't typically happen. Your boyfriend is just trying to deal with the stress of his new reality and it will take him time to settle into who he is going to become as a soldier.

what exactly is ptsd? and thank you both :) it helped me alot just because he has been so different and armyfiance lol we argue bout lil things also and when he went to bootcamp he was very lovey dovey wirting me love letters and such all the time :) wish he'd continue that haha. but anyways i understand being with guys 24/7 is hard lol idk if myself id deal with being with a bunch of girls 24/7 n not get a lil p'oed yano? but thanks :) ill keep yall filled in.

ptsd is actually fairly common, maybe not necessarily "normal" but tons of people go through it all the time. And ptsd can be overcame with help and support. :)

Yup. I definitely know what you mean. <br />
The army brings out the extra testosterone in guys, ya know? They are put under a ton of stress, and then thrown into a room full of other guys...and i definitely think that the only time my bf has ever been in a fight (besides as a kid) was in BCT and AIT. People deal with stress in different ways. And as unfair as it seems, they tend to take out that stress on the people closest to them because they know we wont think less of them for it. The first bad fight i ever got into with my soldier was the night before BCT, and then the night before AIT, and then the night before he left for field training (See a pattern? lol) but we argue about really stupid things all the time, especially now that hes in been in the army and hes more hardheaded than ever (and im an especially stubborn person anyway) <br />
But my long rambling post was to basically say that you cant throw someone into that kind of enviroment everyday, all day and then not expect them to change. Its normal sweetie :)<br />
just watch out, if he gets violent or starts being outrageous, thats more a sign of beginning ptsd, and its not normal.

My man has gotten more lovey dovey, atleast for now, he hasn't came home from basic yet so I guess I'll be soon to find out if it has changed him more then that. I think it'll change different people in different ways. But also I think the little arguments just come with some relationships and its just a phase and hopefully it'll pass, But before Cruz (my man =D) left for basic we'd argue ALL the time about the dumbest crap like "oh that was yellow" "ohh no I think it was orange" "..No it was defiantly yellow" Not actually that, but they were so dumb I can't even remember them, lol. & now all he talks about is how dumb all those fights were and how we'll work together to not be so nit-picky & to not argue so much. But on the other hand if the arguments are coming and going quickly then its not to big of a problem. And hey at least you're communicating. If you grew up in that sort of an environment where you saw yelling as a way to express yourself (I sort of had that kind of up bringing) Then you may subconsciously think thats the only way to get heard?? I dunno I'm just givin ideas for why I think me and Cruz used to argue. :)<br />
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Just try and talk to him about it, maybe something is bothering him??<br />
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Good luck girl!:)