My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now.  He will be going on his first deployment for 6 months in July.  His contract will be up a year from then.  We have been in a long distance relationship this entire time (I met him on his leave).  He has been saying that he'll probably (95% sure) get out of the military next July.  So we've pretty much decided that we plan to be together in the future.  He's given me hopes the entire time we've been together that he'll be out next July.  Well now that it's crunch time, he's leaning more toward staying in the army for at least another year.  Which would mean that we would be in a long distance relationship for almost 4 years by the time he gets out.  At this point, I am so stressed out being away from him and I've had my eye on the end, and now, he's probably going to reenlist.  He wants me to give him my opinion but I feel that I can't because I am not his wife and I don't want to affect his decision.  At the same time, I want him to get out of the army because I am so sick of seing him once every 6 weeks.  I also can't just drop everything to go live near him because if it doesn't work out then I've just left my career and I am in education and not tenure yet so it would be hard for me to get another job.  I feel like I want to explode!  I don't want to tell him my feelings because I want him to do what makes him happy, but at the same time, I want to tell him my feelings because obviously my thoughts are important to him. I just don't know what to do because I love him so much and I feel like if he wants to stay in the army, then he should do it.  But I REALLY don't want him to.  I also don't want him to leave the army just because he knows that would make me happy.  ugh!  What are your opinions?  Should I tell him what I'm thinking?

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1 Response Mar 10, 2009

"I love him so much and I feel like if he wants to stay in the army, then he should do it. But I REALLY don't want him to. I also don't want him to leave the army just because he knows that would make me happy."<br />
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I think you should tell him exactly what you just told us. Your concerns about him staying in, but also wanting him to make the decision that will make him happiest. The fact is that his decision DOES affect you too, so if he asks your opinion, its because he wants it. And if your scared to give it to him now, and he decides to reinlist and that affects your relationship, hes gonna wonder why. Sooo just best to tell the truth, i think.<br />
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Plus, dont forget that while hes happy in the military, he loves YOU and YOU make him happy too. And hes got plenty of time to think this over and make a final decision.