What to Say?

Ok, so I may not be the most expressive when it comes to my emotions. I was raised with 3 brothers and my mom was never one to be all touchy-feely either, so I can be somewhat girly but have not ever really been into mushy stuff.  But I feel like some of that comes out when I talk to or think about my 'guy'

I put that in quotes cuz things are very strange recently. I havent posted in awhile, so just a quick recap. I met this guy when he was on leave and visiting my city. Im never one to like jump in too quickly...but I fell hard! Immediately I started talking to him constantly and flying across country every other weekend. Then he deployed, and within a few weeks pushed away sooo fast and well i mean i was trying not to push him or anything or bother him. He was obv very emotional when he left etc, so things just kinda deteriorated. We still talk sometimes, very casual though and surfacy. Sometimes it gets sorta warm and fuzzy or cute jokes from when things were great, but its kinda just lukewarm now. And i let this happen kinda thinking to myself like itll sort itself out.

So anyway, now though im just thinking i really want to tell him how I really feel. He is settling in it seems And really even though I try to play it cool, I just miss him so much and ache so much to think he may not be coming back to me.  I literally broke down outside work tonight over some stupid song.  This is NOT me lol. But I do really love him. I really want him to know that, especially since I dont know if he pushed me away just out of fear and worry if id leave him or be lonely/think id be better off without him. But I dont want to feel like Im pressuring or pushing him and I also dont want to sound too desparate or awkward in case it really just wasnt working out for him cuz of me. It has been like a month or so since we've started pulling apart.

Any advice on what to say?? (sorry this was so long and rambly...still kinda a mess from earlier :(

 

Thanks

sallysimon sallysimon
22-25
9 Responses Mar 11, 2009

Good job sweetheart!!! Let us know what he says! =)

OK! I did it!<br />
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I wrote to him and told him exactly how I'm feeling. All about how I care about him so soo much even despite the things he was saying about pulling away etc. And I miss all the little things, and I even told him how I'm saddened by the way we have been losing contact and feeling disconnected. I let him know that I am in no way pressuring him or anything, but that when he is back from Iraq on leave or when he is finished deployment I want to go visit him again and see whats what. I just layed it ALL out there. And i feel better, because its out there now, ball is in his court. I will not regret telling him how I feel, no matter how he responds!<br />
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Thanks for being there!

Oh what a terrible thought to move on from love without ever really giving it a shot!!! I'm glad you decided to tell him! Let us know how it works out! =)

You guys are all right!! Thank you so much for being so honest! It may not work out, but at least telling him will put it out there and keeping it in does no good. And I know it is so silly to not tell him cuz I dont want to bother him, cuz like ashandcyrus said, knowing someone loves him might make him feel great. Another friend told me something similar, he said, how stressful can it be to find out that someone back home loves him and waits for him! When I put that in perspective, I just know that I need to tell him!! Otherwise, I will move on, but always regret it!<br />
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Thanks!!

tell him!!!!!!!

I would definitely tell him. You never know how he's feeling, and hearing someone loves him could make him feel like a million dollars and just melt into a big puddle. <br />
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Think about what you want to say/write and when you're ready, just pour your heart into it. I know, it's hard because I've had my heart broken so many times by one man (my Son's father) that when I met Nick who's in Ft. Benning currently, it took me a bit to become so open emotionally with him. But we're now so very open with eachother and it's so lovely :)<br />
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Love can be so great and I agree with rem122, it can be scary but it can definitely be a surprise!

I agree with above poster :] <br />
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Its normal for them to push away before and during being deployed. They have to ignore their fears of losing you and focus on the missionl...and that can be really hard. Hes probably horrified at the thought of getting a dear john letter from you and hes scared too.<br />
Take time and think, maybe even write down exactly what you think you wanna say to him.<br />
And then say it!!<br />
Love is a risk, and i know that its scary, but it might just suprise you :]

Tell him.<br><br />
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Tell him.<br><br />
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Tell him.<br><br />
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Know that emotional distance and changes are a normal part of deployment, and lord knows my soldier and I have gone through our fair share of them, lol! And I too went through a period of questioning whether his feelings for me were shifting, again I think many of us go through this. In my case I decided to give him space and keep the conversations simple for the time it lasted, and eventually (3-4 weeks later) he found his way back to being the man I fell in love with. If it had gone on for much longer than that without any signs of shifting back to the man I knew and loved I would've had to bring it up. It's just not fair to you for you to be investing yourself into him if that investment goes unreciprocated for months on end. <br><br />
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Yes they're at war, and yes we have to support them if we're in a relationship with them. BUT it also has to be a two way street!!! This is difficult for us too, and you have to know that he's investing in you in the same ways that you're investing in him. If you're not prepared to have this conversation after a few months of feeling the way you do now then maybe it's just best you move on and then possibly see how things are when he comes home.<br><br />
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You deserve to be loved as much as you love!

tell him how you feel. whats the worst that can happen.. and you never know. he might feel the same way and just be confused like you are!<br />
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tell him girl. dont keep your feelings inside<br />
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were all here for you--keep us posted!