I Need Advice

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. I am almost 19 and he is almost 23. I realize that we are young, me especially, but I am completely in love with him.

When I started dating him, he had returned from his first tour of 15 months just 3 months earlier. I did not fully understand the state he was in or what he had gone through. I have never had an experience involving anyone in the military. I have led a sheltered life. I didn't want to get too serious with him too quickly, because I was getting ready to go away for school and I had recently come out of a few non-serious relationships. I just wanted to have fun and live my life.

I was so flattered that this older guy was interested in me. And at the beginning, that was a lot of what drove this relationship. As much as I said I wasn't looking for anything serious, I fell for my boyfriend, and I fell for him quickly. I went away to school and suddenly he wasn't just 2 hours away, but 4.5 hours away.

I had never been in a long-distance relationship or a relationship as serious as the one I was entering into. I felt so safe though. He wasn't supposed to go back. He was supposed to get out of the army in January 2010 and he would be able to start his life. This wouldn't give him enough service time left for him to sent back.

But the army changed their mind. In October, very shortly after we'd said those three important words, he got orders that he would be going back to Iraq in summer (2009). I didn't know what to do or what to say. I was so secure in my thoughts that we wouldn't have to deal with any of this. Our relationship was already difficult enough because a lot of people on my side of things did not approve since he is older and he is in the army.

Since then we have been an amazing couple. We don't fight over hardly anything. The disagreements we have are minimal and are quickly gotten over.

Suddenly, everything has changed.

Recently my boyfriend got his specific orders that he will be going back in August and he got his orders as to where he will be heading. He also got word that he will be moved to a job that he is more qualified for, but is much less safe. Since October, the only good thing about this deployment has been that he would be working a desk job, he would be safe, and he would be able to talk to me on a regular basis. We're already long distance, so it would just be a super-long distance relationship.

But now, everything has changed. He went away for training for 2 weeks and it was our first experience at not being able to talk like we usually do or communicate on a regular basis. And while he was gone he decided that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He wanted to get engaged immediately, and he wanted to get married before he left. Although his family was uber-supportive and he had been thinking about this and saving up money for a few months, my family was not supportive. And telling my boyfriend this sparked the biggest and most detrimental fight we've ever had.

Suddenly he went from wanting to be with me forever to needing time and needing space. And only after arguing over everything and me defending our relationship up one side and down the other, he revealed everything he has going on in his head.

I do not know what to do at this point. We are together. We are in love. But he needs his time and his space right now. And I am trying my hardest to give him everything he needs. I know that this should not be about me right now. I know that he does have things to work out. He's spending his week off with his mom and his best friend. I will see him next week for his birthday.

I know that I need to sit back and be supportive.

I want to be with him. No one else. I am young, but I know what I want. I have always been mature and I am doing my best to handle this situation the right way. I want to be with him and no one else. I will wait for him. And I will be faithful, which is another thing he's terrified of because he's seen so many others leave someone back home and have them not be there when they get back.

I feel like the ground could be pulled out from underneath me at any point in time.

msu13 msu13
1 Response Mar 17, 2009

THis is a hard road to walk, but if the love is strong and true, AND if you continue to work on your relationship you guys can make it work! Good luck, and welcome to EP =)