Heart Break

So my story isn't the happiest of stories, but I was hoping to get some support from people who understood. He is the love of my life, before he left, we were talking about marriage and our life together. We have been together for a year and a half, 6 months of which he has been deployed. In the last several months (he is in Iraq) he has changed in a way I never imagined. He has lost all emotion and is pushing his family and me away as much as you can imagine. I can't begin to understand what he is seeing and experiencing each day, and I have tried to do everything in my power to be there...then not be there because my worrying was causing him more stress...to being there again. Finally, a few days ago he told he he's reenlisting and he thinks we need to be on a break. I can't get through to him, he isn't rational it seems. My heart is broken, and not just because he is gone, it is broken because he is changing and turning into such a stranger. I miss my boyfriend, the person I am supposed to be with.

maggie16 maggie16
5 Responses Mar 19, 2009

Thank you again for the support. I am close to his mom, we talk pretty much every day. Since he told me that we needed to "be on a break" I am finding it less natural to want to talk to her though. She has been my rock through it all, and vice versa. I know there is nothing we can do, it is just exhausting. Before he left I literally had never questioned a single day with him, he was it. I have loved before, and lost before, but this is both the most intensely I have loved and...lost I guess. I haven't accepted it, and I am just praying that he changes his mind and comes home when they let him. I have so much respect for everybody who goes through this, on both ends. I never thought it would be this difficult.

omg hun, i really just wanna give you a huge hug.<br />
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They do see a lot over there, and each person reacts differently to stress. Unforteantly, he probably thinks hes protecting you. They are faced with the reality that they really might die over there and by pushing people away, they figure it wont be as painful. Plus, missing you so much probably just resparks when he talks to you. I know mine pushes away HARD when hes about to leave (even just for more training) because he cant focus if hes sitting here missing me and his family.<br />
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But despite all of this, its ridiculously hard on us. On you. to have to go through this. To be confused and trying to make it work while hes pushing away.<br />
aand honestly, there isnt much i can say thats gonna make this better, except that we understand and that we are here for you.<br />
keep your chin up, girl. Are you close to his family? Im sure both of you could use the others support right now.

i understand somewhat where you are coming from. my cousin has been to iraq 3 times and hes changed so much. on his first tour, he became mean and he would take all his emotions out on the family and his gf. we were all so hurt but we knew we would never understand what he was going through their. even if you try to put yourself in their shoes, we will never get it unless we experience it by ourselves but i do know that if you talk to almost any military girlfriend/fiance/wife, they will tell you that all of them change when they get deployed. the things they go thru will never compare and we have to do nothing but sit here and try to understand how they are feeling, to be there for them and to be their support system. he is probably so overwhelmed and misses you so much that he doesnt want to see you go through this. he honestly probably just wants to take the easiest way out because he misses everything and probably hates being deployed and just wants to come home. this is where you need to make the decision to where you stick by him and deal with his mood swings and problems and show him that you love him and care and you will always be here or you walk away from the best thing youve ever had.. i think i know what road your going to take and we are ALL here to support you through these hard times. this is a normal feeling that your going through and also that he is going through. your heart is broken because you miss the one thing that makes it whole.. .show him your still here girl, no matter what, fight for him especially if you know your love is real.. we are all here for you.message me anytime!!<br />
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stay strong girl, everything will be okay. remember what hes going through right now.

Thank you. I didn't realize how nice it would be to hear such a warm and supportive response. I know there is nothing anybody can do, it just is reality, and I am so proud of who he is. I wish I could just be proud and have a little more control over what is happening to his mental state. Thanks for the nice comment, it means a lot.

Oh Sweetie I am so sorry to hear that...but this happens a lot when they are gone if he takes a break or is pushing you away its because he misses you more then he can admit to himself and honestly if he is constantly thinking about it he is putting himself and other soilders in danger....his mind has to be in a different place one none of us can understand!<br />
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Stay Strong Hunny! It will be ok!<br />
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You can message me anythime!