Nothing Is Ever Easy...

I'm not exactly sure what to do anymore so I'll put this out there and maybe someone will have gone through the same thing. So DB and I have been together for 9 months, 5 of which was spent in deployment #1 (we met online). We stayed together for 5 months without meeting each other just emailing, snailmail, webcam, and he called me sometimes 3 times a day, which I found so strange, but his choice. So he gets back and we meet and things are great we spend almost every moment together even though he lives 3 hours away from where I go to school. Then about a month ago he starts to shut down on me... it seems like we argue every time we talk on the phone about really stupid things and he stopped calling me me all the cute names he usually does... then about 3 weeks ago we're arguing once again and he breaks it to me that he is going back to Iraq and he's totally done with this and wants to break up. Obviously I didn't take it well and I sent him an email the next day... we talk about it and he decides he made a bad decision and we get back together again. Over the next three weeks he tries to break up with me 2 more times each time coming back and saying I'm sorry I was irrational and we get back together. (I think I'm right in saying that if he really wanted to break up with me he wouldn't come back he would just cut me off totally)... I guess to me I'm probably being way too accessible and letting him walk all over me, but I'm finding it so hard to walk away from this because I know and understand why he's doing it. He's had a hard time adjusting to civilian life and that's why he's going back again. I know he's distancing himself emotionally from me and those he cares about because he needs to get into "soldier" mode again.

The kicker for me is that he doesn't want me to wait for him, that if I find another guy that I should go with it and not worry about him, but he turns around and says he cares a lot for me and doesn't want to lose me. He's got a lot of baggage from his last relationship where she just up and left him with no contact during the middle of his last deployment so that's a factor too. He keeps telling me that he doesn't have the right answer right now but he cares for me and still wants me. I'm nearing the end of my rope with him... I've backed off a lot and tried to give him space to think, but its so hard being in a relationship where one person is fully in it and the other one wants it so obviously, but something is holding him back. Recently, ever since he left for training he's started calling me cute names again and he says he misses me, but the confusion continues. Any help is appreciated. :)

jlee87 jlee87
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 22, 2009

If you really truly care for him wait it out. It will mean so much more when he comes back and sees that you have been faithful to him. A lot of guys become distant to all of their emotions going into a deployment. Its part of BATTLEMIND. <br />
The same thing happened to my boyfriend while he was deployed. His girlfriend actually sent him pictures of her having sex with someone else... Its terrible. Thats why if he deploys again (I think he will because he wants to) I am going to wait for him... It is never easy, but a military relationship can be the most rewarding and romantic relationship you ever. That time away puts things in perspective because "you don't know what you've got til its gone."

This is what I say to both of you. When ever you are in a relationship, and you are both seeking love from one another through dating, and intimate contact, isn't nice to know its real? Isn't it good to know in the early part of the relationship? Once that was established, and I hope it was. Once this step is clear, this love is all that is important. The young man is wishy washy because he has a job to do overseas. Young man, there are many men and woman who are married and work outside of the country. They are gone from the marriage, temporarily. They have wives, children and parents waiting for them. <br />
The question is, do you both love each other enough to wait it out? Do you have integrity in this love relationship? Do you both have the character it takes to remain absolutely committed to each other?<br />
IF you do, then why not get married and then all this emotional baggage will go away. You have each other.<br />
<br />
What I am reading above is the kind of girl that is worth the wait. She is a girl that you want to marry. Love is patient, Love is kind, never jealous. Yes Sir, you would be a damn fool to let this girl get away. Grab her now.<br />
<br />
Are you confident each of you that your love is real?<br />
Then and only then, hang on to one another. <br />
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Good luck now, and go make a life together.