Back to Reality

yesterday was awful. It was the day I had to put my fiance back on his flight to go back to the sand box. he had to be at the airport early in the morning so that meant waking up early, and not having time to hug and kiss each other that much like we did when he left the first time. No this time just plain sucked. I have to say the only good part about it was that since he is military we got to get gate passes and go sit with him till his flight left. I was doing soooo good with being strong and not crying. Actually i was a little upset because he gets in his mood, I call it the army strong one lol. he acts tough and distant in order to help him get through it, which means to everyone else, it looks like he doesnt care about me. but i was doing ok, i didnt start crying until they called for his boarding group. then it hit me, i broke, he stood up and grabbed his bag and it sunk in, it really was it, he was really going back and my fairytale was really over. seeing him hug his mom made it worse for some reason and as soon as he turned to hug me it started raining from my eyes! i got my last hug and we watched him get on.

then i had to go back to his mom's house and walk into the room where we stayed for the 2 weeks, it was so hard seeing it empty with his smiling face not in the bed looking at me. I got my bags and went down stairs because i knew atleast being down there i wouldnt have to see the room. his mom went and got every picture she has ever taken of him and we looked at them for a couple of hours, then it was my turn to leave, she took me to eat ice cream first lol. she knew what i needed! i did ok at the airport and saying goodbye to her, but of course everyone and their freakin dog wants to ask how i am doing that day, people that dont know me but can obviously tell ive been crying my eyes out or im stoned! they were beyond red and swollen. finally i get on the flight and i put my ipod on and the first song that comes on was our song. and the tears came and i cried for the hour and half flight, then i had a long layover and during that time i saw 4 soldiers walking around and each time i just prayed, stupidly looking at them wondering if it was him but knowing it couldnt be because he was on the phone with me talking to me for the last time while he was stateside. finally i get on that flight and of course, im sitting next to a soldier. one who just got out of basic and said he couldnt wait to go. dont get me wrong i think that is great but in the back of my mind im thinking good, go and take his spot for me!

anyways, im home now and it sucks. living with him for those two weeks was amazing and things couldn't have been better. but waking up this morning hurt. i couldnt go back to bed and i wanted nothing more then to do so but i couldn't. I got so used to sleeping with his arms around me and my laying on his chest hearing his heart beat and being able to smell him, i couldnt do it. it was a miracle i fell asleep in the first place and i guess i couldnt ask for it again..i couldnt feel him, i couldnt smell him, i couldnt hear his heart beating and it hurts. i feel like my heart is broken and i just want him home. sometimes i wonder how i can do this. 9 months till he is home, and its killing me.

Im thankful that i had such a great time.

Im thankful that i have such an amazing guy.

Im thankful that i can now officially call him my fiance and that he proposed to me at the greatest time and place.

Im thankful that he has such an amazing mother who is going to be my mother in law.

but right now, i dont feel like being thankful. im angry and sad and i want my soldier home.

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6 Responses Mar 26, 2009

Stay strong girlie!! Look how far you've made it already! The next week or two is going to suck and you know that so do things that keep you happy!! I'm glad you had an amazing two weeks and I'll keep you guys in my prayers!

This made me cry lol. Im glad you had a great time before he left. He'll be home in no time.<br />
Stay strong hun. <br />

Just wanted to send my support... stay strong. *big hug*

your story made me cry & im at work, you cant be doing that to me lol everyone was asking me what was wrong. i said "try being an army girlfriend, youll understand" lol<br />
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well your story was so cute & sad and i cant even imagine what your going through because i dont have that yet but when that day comes, i am going to understand exactly where you are coming from. you are such a strong person & he is so lucky to have an amazing girl like you. he wouldnt want it any other way. he is doing something so great & before you know it, those 9 months are going to fly by & you will be together again.<br />
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stay strong & hold on for this bumpy long road ahead of you but we are all here to get you through it and we all know you can do it! xoxo

Oh hunny you made me cry ALOT thats awful and i am so sorry...I know it will be the same when mine comes home and I am so scared to say goodbye again! Im sorry deployment SUCKSSSS!!!!!! All I want is him home! <br />
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Im sorry that is so hard I can only imagine!

Bless, I know how hard it is. But look how fast this time apart went. Can you believe how fast it really went. Before you know it. This will all be in the past. Stay strong and know you have a lifetime to be together and this time apart will mold you more together. I will keep you both in my prayers x